I distinctly remember that black, steel gate, with silver studs that seemed like shimmering Cheez Curls...only without the cheese.
My childhood friend, busmate, and schoolmate, Eunice, waved at me from their window and came rushing down to their driveway. Her lola greeted my Mom and I with a smile and invited us to go in. But as soon as I stepped into their garage, I saw HIM.
He was staring at me with those ever-so-adorable brown eyes which seem to slowly cause me to melt right there and then. His hair was also as perfect as ever. Every strand in place. Every color in perfect hue.
I didnt know what it was about him that made me fix my hair, bite my lip, twitch my eye...to the point where my world would morph into this state of agitation, confusion, and yes, even excitement.
His words seemed like rhythmic phrases full of meaning. Yet, in those few syllables he uttered, I failed to decipher what he was trying to say.
-----------------------
I tried to put up a straight face for my best friend, Eunice, as we were talking by their veranda. She was to leave for Canada in a few weeks, and being the young girl I was, I failed to realize how much I was going to miss. It was her with whom I shared my first goof-ups with, my first childish tears, my first days in Zobel, and even my first memories of gushing over a boy. But this time, it was different, for she was to leave for good. She was leaving ME for good.
No matter how hard I tried, every angle of the scenario was damped with thoughts of being apart. But with Eunice's unforgettable smile which showed off her two shiny front teeth, her beauty as a person gleamed. And somehow, it was from that smile that I found the strength to let go of my childhood friend.
--------------------------
As I bade Eunice goodbye, she teased me to the boy that looked from afar.
He was still there. He was there the whole time.
This time, he looked different.
He actually looked as if he was...drooling.
Could I have been the reason for this uncanny behavior?
I felt both my knees feel wobble, and I started to feel threatened.
His eyes were now far from adorable. In fact, they looked fierce.
He stared at me as if he were ready to eat me alive.
And it was on that moment that I realized that he was indeed serious.
I tried to hang on to Eunice's arm, hoping she could protect me from his sharp stare.
"Dont worry about him. Thats just his way of saying that he likes you!"
Oh yeah?
So why is it that on the moments that followed, he came running after me till the end of the street!
I ran as fast as I possibly could, but it seemed like my two short legs were no match to his.
His four legs were unbeatable.
And besides, his teeth were too sharp.
And his bark? Definitely not music to my ears.
From that day on, I promised myself to never again fall for a brown-eyed, blonde-haired, pup.
Id rather stick to my 2-legged best friends. :)
--------------------
Though Eunice and I have yet to see each other again, it was from her that I first came to grasp the meaning of "letting go."
Other friends may have entered my life, but no one could ever replace the memories I shared with her.
I may no longer exactly remember the things we said or did, but what remains etched in my heart is one that no one can ever take away from me.
Thanks Eunice...wherever you are. :)
---------------------
closure is a convenient excuse to convince one's self of a lie. we keep on running away, claiming we've kept old shadows in a box hidden in that glass closet we always want to disown, and try not to look back, as if we can. for life is a circle, and for every step forward, aren't we getting closer to what we left behind?
we love a melodrama that mirrors the failure of our own. how we put ourselves into a persona, often created by hypocrisy and conceit, brings relief from the ugliness of memory.
truth is, we always dream to resurrect a past to redefine perfection.
mask is what we make of our best countenance and we are the best of our false selves when in the limelight.
pretension is the psychology that keeps us both sane and mundane. we were born insane and we live to believe that we aren't. truth is what we owe to ourselves!
how can someone let go if old strains remind of a ghost or a shadow? there is memory, so can one dissociate the mind from the body?
fear solitude, for silence can burst into pain.
it is only proper to say thank you when it's all over
...but I choose not to, coz we both know its far from over. ;)
---------------------
