Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Unexpected
It was both pathetic and weird, but more than that, it was a scare worth learning from. I dont know why, but those few minutes of worrying drowned me with thoughts of losing again...to the point that I actually cried.
WTF.
Nothing really happened, but what's weird was how I unexpectedly reacted to the dreary lag. It was like a flashback of the regrets Ive had in the past, and from that miniscule moment, I knew that I didnt want to lose again.
Its actually funny now that I think about it. And by funny, I mean embarrassingly pitiful.
But I think I'll leave it to one my greatest inspirations to do the justification...
An excerpt from an Linda Wolf's interview of Maya Angelou :)
Linda Wolf: Dr. Angelou, what advice do you have for young people growing up today?
Maya Angelou: To laugh as much as possible. Always laugh; it is the sweetest thing one can do for oneself and one's fellow human being. When people see the laughing face, even if they're jealous of it, their burden is lightened. But do it first for yourself.
Laugh and dare to try to love somebody, starting with yourself. You must love yourself first, of course, and you must protect yourself when you can. You say, "Just a minute! I'm worth everything, dear."
If you really realize that, you realize everybody else is worth everything. Everybody, fat and thin and plain and pretty, white and black, rich and poor, thick and slow and brilliant, everybody is worth everything. Start with yourself though.
One kiss is a dangerous drug
Ill get what I deserve
If I dare to fall in love
One look she shot me in cold blood
Ill get what I deserve
If I dare to fall in love
-Brent Bourgeois
- n|x - was loved at 11:01 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
lets get physical and nerdy
It's been days since I last posted anything close to profundity in this blog. I've been too tired and busy to even blab about my rather bland life, but at least that still keeps me on my toes.
Chrissie and I jogged (sort of) around the oval yesterday. With the intent of burning calories in our head, we shamelessly slow-jogged (okay, so maybe I walked a third of the time) by the sidewalk, and at times, on the road and dared Ikots to hit us straight on. That was how determined we were to get back into shape (as if Chrissie isn't in shape already). We went back to the Tambayan and suddenly had a craving for Cello's doughnuts and dips. The magical feeling still lingers in me until now, but we both decided to refuse to our heart and sweet tooth's desires and went with what our brain was dictating us - eat healthy! Ergo, we hitched a ride with Iara and Crisette and ate Asian Salads at KFC. Who knew we could resist magical doughnuts and eat leaves with croutons instead? Hah! That's one small step for us, and one giant leap for our calorie count. :D
***
Having had to do my work in the Exchange Department of AIESEC has been both tedious and fulfilling. Trying to get a job for talented young people from all over the world to a company here in the Philippines gave me a feel of what it would really be like a few years from now. Seeing their resumes boasting loads of credentials, achievements, and experience made me want to actually aspire bigger in terms of my academics. Though Ive been learning a lot this semester, I haven't really been doing much for my GE subjects now since I deem most of them irrelevant to my course (except for Math 100). But come this summer and 2nd year, I would give anything to ace my BA and Econ subjects. *end of dream sequence ends here*
***
I have had a lot of things in my head that Ive been meaning to write about, but laziness and DSL-deprivity at home proved to be annoying hindrances. But aside from those minute things, Ive been free from worry and problems for a while now - its both great and scary, really. Great, because who doesnt want to be happy, right? Scary, because Im just watching out for that maximum extrema that would push me back down to a negative slope.
Okay fine, that was effing nerdy, but what the hell. :)
Gotta go and walk to the Math building now. Swoosh! Off I go! Haha :D
Labels: j
- n|x - was loved at 7:52 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Extending the Boundaries
An excerpt from Wouldnt Take Nothing For My Journey Now
by Maya Angelou :)
He continued… “You draw people to you; then you push them away.”
“You give that big smile and act like you’re just waiting for a man to take you in his arms, but then you freeze up like an iceberg…People don’t know how to take you.” Well, they must not. I hadn’t been taken.
We arrived at my apartment, and I gave my attendant the sweetest, briefest smile I had in me and stepped inside and closed the door.
I entered into a long concentration which lasted until and even after I sobered myself.
At the end of my meditation I came to understand that I had been looking for love, but only under specific conditions. I was looking for a mate, but he had to be a certain color, he had to have a certain intellect. I had standards. It was just likely that my standards eliminated a number of possibilities.
However, during that afternoon and evening I arrived at the conclusion that if a man came along who seemed to me to be honest and sincere, who wanted to make me laugh and succeeded in doing so, a man who had a lilting spirit - if such a man came along who had a respect for other human beings, then if he was Swedish, African, or a Japanese sumo wrestler, I would certainly give him my attention and I would not struggle too hard if he caught me in a web of charm.
- n|x - was loved at 1:27 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
feeling well and unwell
I had slight fever last night according to my roommates. My nose is clogged and my cough is bad. My leg, thigh, back, and even my ass hurts like hell (damn streetdance, bakit kasi di tayo nagstretch chrissie? haha).
Oh well, these bodily pains can be ignored. For now.
MUST GET THAT BODY MASSAGE SOON. :)
- n|x - was loved at 11:34 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Monday, January 22, 2007
Potential :)
I posted this on my blog's template months ago thinking that Ive got it all figured out already. But after our UBE at the Sunken Garden for the nth time tonight, I think Ive come to know it by heart. :P
You are not going to be his first, his last, nor his only.
He loved before, he will love again.
But if he loves you now, what else matters?
He's not perfect; youre not either.
If he can make you laugh, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him.
He's not going to be thinking of you every moment of the day,
but he will give you a part of himself he knows you can break - his heart.
So dont hurt him. Dont change him.
Dont analyze and dont expect more than he can give.
Smile when he makes you happy, because perfect guys dont exist.
- n|x - was loved at 11:58 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Good Times
AIESEC Picnic at the Sunken Garden
Thanks to Emman! :)
Food + Fun + Friends. What more could you ask for?
AIESEC Convocs and Elections
Congrats to our new set of EBS! Go Ayen, Dale, Jerrick, Eva!
Prosti Dialogue: The Economics of Prostitution
Watched the talk with Chrissie, Alexis, Basti, and Ricoy for ACLE
Ms. Che Che Lazaro was one of the speakers, and she was reeeeaaally good.
TOSH Katips Bonding
At The Old Spaghetti House with Alexis, Basti, Ricoy, Kat, and Kay
We talked about everything from jokes to prom dates to lovelives. :P
- n|x - was loved at 8:27 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
How am I?
I am great :)
- n|x - was loved at 1:25 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Monday, January 15, 2007
narcissus reborn
I had a haircut and a camera. What do you get? Vanity pictures, duh. :P
(By the way, those are accidental bangs. Oh well.)
***
UBE @ Sunken Garden part 2
Chrissie, Alexis, and I had another UBE at the Sunken Garden. But this time Ricoy was with us. :) Emman, JA, and Jay passed by too. :)
Its one of those nights filled with kwentos, stargazing, and bonding that you wish would never have to end. Nothing beats lying on the grass, with the cool breeze running through your hair, the serene sky looming above your heads, and a couple of your favoritest people in the whole world beside you. Nothing. :)
Cant wait for the picnic tomorrow!
- n|x - was loved at 9:25 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Sunday, January 14, 2007
of lights in the sky
Brandology 101 - AdCore
So maybe Sari Sari isnt Mango, and someone else loves Chocnut as much as I do... Haha.
I have always been interested in Advertising and Marketing (ergo my application to Adcore and JMA) so the seminar yesterday had my eyes and ears glued to the speaker. The professor who did the talk was really good, and hearing him lecture about Brandology without boring me for one bit made me want to be a BA major and ditch Accountancy...but then my Mother dear wont like that. Nyaha. It was really fun though - it made me feel all college-y. HAHA. :P
MOA/World Pyro Olympics
Ive always been fascinated by fireworks. Even though we spent more time getting stuck in traffic than looking up at the sky, it was still worth it. The lights in the sky were breathtaking. :)
If ever a miracle happens and I get married someday, Id want fireworks at the end. Whee! Haha! :P
While waiting for our pizza and the putukan...
I rubbed off some camwhoring kalandian to my twin sister, Alexis who came with whom I pigged out with in the car with the rest of my family :)
Earlier that day (at Alexis' dorm)...
Guard: Alexis, magkapatid ba kayo?
*Me & Alexis look at each other*
Guard: Magkamukha kasi kayo eh!
Me: Oo naman po, hindi ba halata? :P
Later that night, Alexis fell in love...
with my brother. :P
And we were all camera-happy. Haha!
More pictures at
my multiply. CLICK HERE!Girl Talk
While watching Lifestyle network...
Me: Kasi Mommy mas may freedom yung BA majors eh. Pwede sila magspecialize in Advertising or Marketing...
Mom: Pero may edge ka pa rin pag maging CPA ka. Once youre a professional, you can still focus on your other interests and expertise.
Me: Sa bagay...blah blah.
Mom: Siguro pwede na ako magretire after you graduate. Pag may trabaho ka na, aasikasuhin ko na lang yung mga bahay natin. Gagawin nating...blah blah.
Me: Of course, wait till Im a millionaire! *big smile*
Mom: Pero...wag mo pabayaan sarili mo.
*Me thinking Bakit ko naman mapapabayaan sarili ko?*
Mom: You should get a boyfriend.
*Me chokes on peanuts and bursts out laughing*
Mom: Yung hindi makaka-distract sayo. Someone who'll inspire you to work even harder.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Mom: Oh bakit ka na naman tumatawa? Im serious.
Me: :|
Oh Mother. LOL.
- n|x - was loved at 1:15 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Friday, January 12, 2007
he'll come :)
"i want a boy who would hold my hand in line at the mall & make all the girls jealous. i want someone who would sing to me at random moments. someone who is more goofy than romantic. a boy who would throw stuffed animals at me when i'm acting dumb. someone who would bet me kisses that he could beat me at all the old playstaion games & then let me win. a guy who would make fun of me just to hear my laugh. he'd play with my hair all the time & surprise me with flowers just because. someone who i could share chocnut with & lay on a blanket with to count the stars. we'd take the silliest pictures of each other & squirt waterguns at each other in the house. but mostly someone who would be my best friend & would never break my heart." :)
and this one's for you hunny...
The Right Apple
Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just have to be a little patient and the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday.
***
Haay, ang epekto nga naman ng nalalapit na Valentines Day (dreaded by me).
Err, I feel a mushy entry coming up. Haha :O
- n|x - was loved at 8:50 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Shariff Aguak at Panglima Sugala
Holy Crap.
I think I've finally memorized the whole map of the Philippines (location, provinces, AND capitals)!
That is seriously already an achievement for me since I suck at geography AND because nothing can be suckier than my memory.
I know my friends found my mnemonic devices weird, since they included illustrations of bras, bears, pipes, Richard Gomez and Lucy Torres, etc. But believe me, that's how I try to aid my sucky memory. :P
Alam nyo bang may Zamboanga Sibugay?
At region na ang Calabarzon, Mimaropa, at SOCCSKSARGEN?
Oh yeah! Hahahaha. :)
***
I had a hard time sleeping last night (more like this morning).
Aside from the usual insomnia attacks and 3AM Club Chichi sessions, that only happens to me when really bad or really good things happen to me.
This time, it's the latter. :)
- n|x - was loved at 6:43 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Fairy Tale Dreaming
Call me jologs, call me pathetic, call me whatever you want. But at least Im not alone.
Nights of anticipation has gotten me hooked. It may not have Mischa Barton or Jesse Metcalfe in it, but for some reason, my curiosity was piqued by the whole craze that people around me were in. Being the frustrated non-conformist that I am, I was easily swayed and went to follow and satisfy my curiosity by watching an episode, just to see what everyone was so crazy about.
....after the credits rolled, I found love. :X
Now Danielle my love, I understand why you were so eager to watch tv during Marge's debut.
Now I get why guys like Ricoy and Henri mustered enough masculinity to watch a Koreanovela.
Now I know why Eva, Ayen, and all the other girls who watch it feel kilig while watching Troy, Monique, Janelle, and Prince Gian.
Hahahaha!
Everyone else who watches Princess Hours, lumantad na kayo! Lol :P
***
Good morning! :)
- n|x - was loved at 8:15 AM
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[0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Monday, January 08, 2007
Hmm..
Ah ewan :)
*Hah! It cant get any more vague than that, can it? Haha! :P
***
Looks like DSL's back to normal again. Dial-up's surprisingly faster too!
Oh, and I'm gonna have access to my dorm's WiFi soon. No more busy phone lines. Yay! :)
***
"and in this moment I am happy..." :)
- n|x - was loved at 9:00 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Curing my Monday-itis
Maybe its the setting, the time, or the "newness" of everything. Whatever it is, it sure has gotten rid of my once-annoying condition, Monday-itis.
I used to always hate Mondays. The idea of going back to school the next morning when I still had tons of things to do just irked me. I just pleaded God for more sleep time (aka time to watch that movie on HBO) and less sermon from my parents (whenever they hollered "tulog na nikki" from the other room) on Sunday nights. I wanted to see my classmates and friends in school again, of course, but I didn't exactly look forward to the lazy hours of lessons and lectures that I've heard for the nth time already. But now that I've entered college, I guess my annoyance for Mondays has worn off. Never mind that I've got to face Math first thing in the morning or that I still have the rest of the week to wait for until the next weekend. I guess living the life I chose to live when I opted to study in UP gave me the leeway to look forward to every day I wake up to. As far as I can recall, no two days of my freshman year has been the same so far, and that was exactly what I looked for after I graduated from high school - a break from the monotony and constraints that I once had.
Guess I finally found a cure. :)
***
People do come and leave.
Some come at a time when you least expect them and others leave without warning.
Some come into your life so casually and others leave impulsively without regard.
Some come like youve been secretly wanting them to and others leave without you even wanting it.
No matter how hard you wish for them to be where theyre supposed to be, you have no total control over who gets close or who goes away.
But either way, all that youre left with in the end is gratitude that once upon a time, these people were in your lives.
- n|x - was loved at 8:25 PM
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[0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Saturday, January 06, 2007
wish granted
Thanks to my UP twin, Alexis, I now have a new necklace!
Tenchu for granting number one on my wishlist! :)
(And yes Zobel friends, now I am not only mistaken for being either Jana or Danielle. Haha! :)
***
Sorry walang kwenta lagi posts ko. Boo DSL for ruining our lives! O: I'll try to post real entries next time.
And btw, tama na intriga pls. o: haha!
Byee! :)
- n|x - was loved at 11:06 PM
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[0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Thursday, January 04, 2007
"Would it be my fault if I could turn you on?"
"no it wont :P"
*SCREAMS* :D
***
Could this be Deja Vu? Why do things seem to be repeating themselves?
No one here's complaining though. Nope. Not me. Nah uh. Haha. :)
- n|x - was loved at 12:03 AM
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[0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
of egg seats, magical doughnuts, ang granted wishes
Finished 1/3 of my Eng11 paper (my pace was equivalent to one sentence per um, half an hour..haha!), went to the ADMU press to waste 360 bucks on a history textbook with Dale, walked back to Katipunan to eat at
World Chicken (for the first time), went back to my dorm but then we realized that we still had some time to spare so we walked back to National, then headed straight
to
Cello's and had a box of what Dale would like to call "magic" (aahh, truly those doughnuts were magical), then finally went back to my dorm.
Despite having my calorie count at an all time high and getting wet by the rain, twas all worth it.
Oh, and no. 2 on my wishlist has been granted!
Thank you! :)***
My classes start tomorrow.
NERD MODE: ON :D
- n|x - was loved at 2:27 PM
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[0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
back to reality
I'm already back in my dorm here in Katipunan, but aside from the heaps of readings I have to finish and the many papers I have to get done, I think getting back to reality's the way to go. And more than that, it seems to me like a lot of other things are back to normal. And Im glad. :)
***
On our way to Manila earlier today, I grew tired from observing my Dad change the gears of the van (being the eager and novice female driver that I am), and so I just took pictures of my little bwoder. Haha! I'm gonna miss him again. :(
And dont ask me why he has those shades on. :P
***
I ordered a Tablemate (a foldable table for my dorm) through Home TV Shopping. Lookie at how they made me another (yet unique) way of spelling my nickname:
- n|x - was loved at 10:28 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Monday, January 01, 2007
I know I'm already a day late, but...
A great superrific fantabulous 2007 to everyone! :)
***
Our LAN is busted, and DSL's still reeeeeeaallly slow (thats why I havent flooded my blog yet with useless NewYear-related blabbing), so I guess Im gonna have to be internet-less in my room for a day. I'm going back to Katipunan tomorrow (awww), so that means I have to get back into full nerd mode again. Dare I say that Academics will be topping my list this year? I haven't exactly taken my studies seriously as I should have so that's enough reason for me to turn my attention to other more important stuff (aside from watching movies, eating out, YM EBS, UBEs, orgs, etc.). Haha! :)
And get this, my left eye is sort of swollen. Yes, as in you-look-like-youve-been-punched-by-a-little-girl swollen, only milder. WTF, right? Haha. It already started hurting on New Year's Eve, and when I got up this morning, my left eye was "chinkier" (is that even a word?) than usual. So is this how my whole 2007 is gonna be? Visually-impaired? Chinita, but only on the left? Unequal? My Dad's probably right. Maybe God is trying to teach me a lesson for staying up till 4 am and waking up at 12noon the whole break. If that's the case, then I've already learned my lesson, Lord. I promise I will sleep more and on time once school starts again. So please spare me from this Erik Morales(afterbeingbeatenup) look. O:
Anyhoo, gotta go. I'm hogging my brother's PC again.
He's been playing "Chasing Cars" and "With A Smile" on the guitar the whole day, by the way.
Wala lang. Haha.
And I drove again, but from Muntinlupa to Santa Rosa this time.
Wala lang ulit. Lol.
Someone please save me from Katipunan boredom tomorrow. o:
Again, Happy New Year everyone! :)
- n|x - was loved at 11:09 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
[ So Emo ]
Some of these poems were written years ago, so pardon the excessive mawkishness.
oh and the act of plagiarizing, that is taking someone's words or ideas as if they were your own, is just wrong.
[ Unearthed ]
05.31.06
3.43am
I used to wish I could fly
The classic dream to get away from realityâ??s realm
I am but a tiny part of the sky
Just like the world I am living in
I have been introduced to heaven
Only to take an unkind fall to the ground
To rupture the spell of earthen
Onto which my essence is bound
I am on a quest to find the lost city
Where my refuge was built on rare site
I shant be taken aback by the affinity
Of the dream I foresee every night
[ Almighty ]
05.27.06
You are my mercenary
The one who lurks within the grave
The eye behind my head
For whom this cradle has been made
You are my mastermind
The creator of the ephemeral plan
The brain behind the grid
For whom I offer both my hands
You are my confidant
THe sole keeper of my wrath
The bridge of broken roads
For whom I cross thy father's path
You are my superior
The hand that holds my very fate
The truth Ill never know
For whom forever cannot wait
[ Unforeseen ]
05.09.05
I forgot all about you in record time
You seemed to have been erased from my mind
Im surprising myself
Im swollen with pride
Now without your lies
Ill be doing just fine
Guess youre not the person I presumed you to be
The most bogus of lines I always perceived
Im surprising myself
All filled with apathy
Look from afar
Foresee what youve done to me
Youre still held by those chains
Of what seemed like fatal pain
Im surprising myself
First-hand guilt had remained
Watch out young chap
Theres nothing youve gained
By far you were a dream that realized
But now with you rouge I sympathize
Im surprising myself
Ive now won the prize
To you I say goodbye
For you have met your demise
[ Stay Alive ]
05.09.05
I started down the trail
Alone and frail
With eyes at my back
I worked my way through
With every step I gasped
Knowing I wouldnt last
With shivering hands
I boldly staggered
Searched for refuge and fodder
To escape my own slaughter
Slowly I crept up the hill
A touch of life was found
I then lay on the ground
For on that very mound
With my arms wide open
I offered myself to you
I stood up on both feet
With no stain of conceit
I bowed before you
And freed my entirety
[ Mile ]
12.05.03
You cant blame me for being a dreamer
For the whole world dreams with me
Dare to think badly of my fantasy
I am living a life of imaginings
A victim of a world full of illusions
Seeing things that arent really there
Through the mist that has blinded me
I shall survive in my lair
The tongue of misunderstood feats
Tangled thoughts struggling to unravel
I have come to dig an endless hole
Gamble with life and jump
I have been ready for so long now
But no one dares
To even stop for a while
A love en route for you
Take the path and walk a mile
An unsent message creeps into my mind
I hear your voice from behind
A course full of high risks
I fall into a trance
Distractions let me be
The deafening sound of silence
An eye hidden from beneath
The sharp mouth cut through me
A spectacle of intense passion
I daze into the light
It shines through the darkness
I head for the beautiful sight
I have been raring to search for you
But I stay static
And remain euphoric
I stay here with a smile
Take the path and walk a mile
[ Here...I Wait ]
03.29.05
Here I lie again
On the bed of dreams
The desolate cradle of my core
I wait for your call
Here I bask again
On the crib of fears
The taut embrace I once felt
I wait for your plea
Here I sprawl again
On the cot of delusion
The words you spoke cut through me
I wait for your defense
Here I linger again
On the bunk of doubt
The grace of your stare so well-hidden
I wait for your declaration of guilt
Here I rest again
On the cushion of tears
The spiteful strangling of my essence
I wait for your feeble excuse
Here I wait again
On the floor of cowardice
The weakness I wrangle with
I wait for youâ?¦still
[ I Am Not ]
09.05.03
Fear is looking me in the eye
It glints with clout and authority
I succumb to its overpowering dominance
I might as well die
I fall into a trance
Into a stupor filled with uncertainty
Into a place where I am...
I am not
I want to break away from it all
Wipe out all the confusion
And go back to the real world
Where I am not
I want to evade the hurt and pain
Break away from all the sorrow
And wake up once again
To the sweet grief of life
The overwhelming anguish
The crushing agony
Its getting worse every moment
I am not
The drops of gratifying pleasure
The descent of all bliss
It has all come down to misfortune
Of what I am not
Sad are the tales recounted
Poor are the stories told
A myriad of thoughts flooding
Though I was not
Signified are all the emotions
Not felt
Not shown
Not caressed
Let it all out in the open
To where I am not
In this vast meadow of lies
We shall live our separate lives
Still I will wait and linger
For what I am not
I will try to decipher
I will believe and deem
I will hold on forever
Till I am not
I shall not let go
I shall not lose grip
I will not let you slip away
I am not
[ Gaea ]
07.16.04
Tell me when youre done
Counting the stars in the sky
Our feet firm on the ground
Anon show me how to fly
Catch the falling raindrops
And pour them onto me
Hide me from the suns rays
Still let light shine for you to see
Blow me away like the wind does
Take me to a faraway land
Dive into our secret sea
And we shall end up by the sand
Climb the highest mountain
I shall meet you at the peak
Hide away in the forest
For your being I shall seek
Dig deep into the ground
Make our own secret cave
On top of the trees you shall find
The love you shall save
Between the earth and heaven
I am yours
You are mine
Between the sea and stars
Till the very end of time
[ Passage ]
03.23.05
To the night that seemed so distant
I fled from the racing ire
With no boundaries, no margins, no chains and wires
I was constrained to meet an end
To the stars that seemed so far
I jumped down to the gorge so deep
With no one to hang on to, I fell
I tumbled deep into the sinister dark
To the clouds that seemed so elusive
I flew to the sky so broad
With no one to catch me, I faltered
I faded off into the heavens so grand
To the deep seas that seemed so endless
I wavered to go beyond the horizon
With no sign of life, I trembled
I drowned from the overwhelming tears
To the crevice that seemed so immense
I lay within to fill the hole
With no recognizable hand to help me through
I remained trapped and in me lingered hope
[ Seem ]
11.18.03
I keep climbing but I cant seem to reach the top
I keep on singing but no one hears me out
The sun keeps shining but why is it always dark?
You keep talking, true lies spill from you mouth
I take it all in, but I cant seem to taste
Dark clouds loom over you, but you still seem chaste
Im sewing them all together, but I cant make them whole
My body is visible, but I have no soul
Im a living being, but it appears that Im dead
Im still grieving over the haughty things that you said
I stand as the crow flies, but I stand in shame
I can picture your face but I canâ??t utter your name
Seeing things that are invisible to the eye
Im laughing out loud, but inside I cry
I am wide awake, but Im living in a dream
Im smiling, but surely
things arenâ??t always like they seem...
[ Sabi Mo ]
Sabi nilaâ?¦
Swerte daw akot kasama kita
Sa araw araw na kapiling ka
Parang wala nang hihilingin pa
Sabi nilaâ?¦
Para daw tayo sa isat isa
Tayoy pinagtagpo ng tadhana
Di na hahanap pa ng iba
Sabi nila...
Iba ang nakikita nila sa atin
Mga mata natiy nagniningning
Dalawang taong may pagaangkin
Sabi nilaâ?¦
Pakinggan ang bulong ng puso
Di bat nagmamahalan na kayo?
Ano pa ngayon ang hinihintay nyo?
Sabi ko namanâ?¦
Di ko maipapaliwanag pa
Kung ano itong nadarama
Tuwing kasama ko siya
Sabi koâ?¦
Twing nakatingin sa kanyang mata
Di na ko makahinga pa
Mundo koy hawak nya
Sabi koâ?¦
Matagal ko nang tinatago
Akoy matagal nang nagsusumamo
Para lamang sa iyong puso
Sabi koâ?¦
Di na kayang itago pa
Sana ngayoâ??y alam mo na
Mahal na mahal kitaâ?¦
Sabi mo namanâ?¦
Ano bang iniisip nila?
Tayoy laging magkasama
At laging masaya?
Sabi moâ?¦
Bakit ka ba laging nakatingin?
Tila may gustong sabihin
Bat di mo pa aminin?
Sabi moâ?¦
Ginugulo mo lang ang isip ko
Dibat magkaibigan tayo?
Ngayoy bakit ganito?
Sabi mo..
Dibat sinabi ko sayo
Di tayo kailanman magtatagpo..
Dahil and sabi koâ?¦
di ikaw ang mahal ko..
[ Araw-Gabi ]
Sa ilalim ng mga bituin
Nakatitig ako sa langit
Sa langit ng walang-hanggang kalaliman
Maaari kayang ikay nakatingala rin at nag-iisip
Nag-iisip sa kawalanâ?¦
Ako ang laman ng isipanâ?¦
Walang ingayâ?¦
Tahimik
Walang bosesâ?¦
Parang langit
Ikaw lang ang naririnig ko
Pangalan moâ??y sinisigaw ng puso.
Ang gabiy lumalalim
At ikaw ang kapiling
Gawin nating atin ang gabi...
Dumaan ang oras, at ang araw ay lumabas...
Lumiwanag ang langit, may ilaw, may ngitiâ?¦
Ang umagay dumating
Ang pagmamahal ay sapitin
Bagong araw ay atin...
Nagsumpaan tayong dalawa
Wala ng iba
Kundi ikaw at ako
Ang araw at ang bwan
Araw...gabi....araw at gabi...atin lamang..
[ Dazed and Confused ]
What am I to believe?
All the lies and deceit
It has all come upon me
He speaks of things I cannot grasp
What am I to believe?
Who am I to seek?
I am worthy of the truth and the real
I am forgotten by the past
Stupefied by the emotions
Infatuation lingers and reigns
What am I to believe?
So I say...
If you want to show me then do so
My eyes are free to see the light
If you want me to tell me then do so
My ears have been listening since forever
[ Deep ]
10.28.03
Suffocating gush of queries arise
As the wind blows wearily in the course of the night
Irksome jostling of shrouded emotions
The flailing hand ready to say goodbye
No right to proclaim, No right to utter
The deafening cry of the saddened heart
Such gratifying regrets I have come to reveal
Craving for love, for a touch of passion so real
The lush of contradictions and pains
Overwhelming desire for blunt happiness
The face full of beauty has come to wither
Now a smile is hopeless without life to savor
The never dying anguish I have come to accept
The living elements vigorously work against me
A promise not to live a life of regret
Locked up inside, never to be broken
Clinging to the words you sweetly spoke
Thin-skinned words which went right through me
The baffling thrust of hurt could be seen
Like a cascade of waters put on view
Reminiscing the moments we could have relished
Doors were unentered and gates grew vulnerable
A drop of tear is nowhere to be found
Nevertheless a birth of a flowing river came about
[ Drawn-Out ]
10.10.03
High-stake feeling
Rampaging over the spot
All drunken and unaware
Of the reckless pain love can cause
Staying with the feeling
Tracking the source
In the arms of waiting fondness
Brought down without a fight
Stealing a ton of tears
Getting your first break
Blinded by the flashing lights
Pushing you to your limit
The clear fog of blindness
Charging through your back
Spotting the real suspect
Of the injuries caused
Stunned and injured
Bruised heart bleeding all over
Setting you on fire
A series of heartbreaks
No place is too far
You cant hide from it
Vengeance and hatred
Looks are deceiving
Passion homicide
Outrageous outbreaks
The coast is clear for the end
Finally all worn out
[ Believe ]
05.21.04
It is beneath you to even stop deeming
take the bitter with the sweet
hold on to it, hold on tight
in a breathless effort to live
you are boom as a being
dont turn away to hide your face
bound your desires and live
you are one beauty of our time
love brewing within you
shout it out onto the world
take such steps as seem called for
crave out a life for yourself
remind me of your promise
dont be a victim of itâ??s charms
chiefly composed of cruelty
dont succumb, be strong
decisions alter circumstances
circumstances alter cases
never settle for whats not good enough
always take a step higher, aim high
seems that everything combines against you
dont fret, hold on, be strong
go command over yourself
clear your mind of doubt, move on
do not degrade yourself
no cheating, no lies
you are what you are
you shall be what you can be
just believe...
[ I Could Have ]
10.28.03
I could have been a beauty queen, if only I had the beauty
I could have been a movie star, if only I had a movie
I could have been what you were waiting for, though you werent waiting
I could have been the girl you loved, if only we werent hating
I could have cut my hair short, but I was already losing em
I could have saved you a seat, but I knew you werent comin
I could have waited for your call, but I kept the phone hanging
I could have been the love of your life, but sadly now were nothing
I could not help myself from falling for you
I couldâ??nt have avoided it coz you were falling too
I could have followed my head and said no
But Im not, I wont, my heart says so
I could have been a better person, but alas I am not
I could have been the one for you, boy, that would mean a lot
I could have made my dreams come true if only I were awake
There could have been a me and you, but everythings at stake
I could have done this and that, thats why now I do regret
I could have kept our memories, but I shall just forget
I could have looked you in the eye, but I was the one who turned away
I could have loved you with all my heart, if only you could stay
I could not go on any longer for I couldnt bear the pain
I could have cried the whole night while you were calling out her name
We could have been something you know, or is it just me?
We could have been together, if only she had set you free
I could have let go of you, but I wasnt, I was holding on
I could have released my hurt, but how could I? It was long gone
No pain could compare to the way you made me feel
I could have thought you loved me, pretending nothings real
I could have returned the favor, but I didnt want to give it back
I could have completed you, but there are things that we still lack
I could have loved you too, like the way you had loved me
It could have happened, It could still happen...
If only shell set you free
[ Impaired ]
I see you looking at her...
Her long black hair that I havent got
Her glistening eyes looking back at you
Her beguiling smile
Her beatific face
Makes me look down on myself
The ill fate that has thwarted my path
The tangible reality of my misfortune
Everything she has that I havent got
Envious of the sight
Hurting inside
I numb the ache
You see me look at you...
Your luminous smile shows your glee
Your surreal eyes filled with depth
Your enthralling splendor
I am lost in thought
I turn away
I avert my vista
I look away and hope
That you wouldnt see the tears
Why should you see me like this?
I am just a sham
Just anguish waiting to be felt
I deaden the pain
Weakened by the prejudice
Spoiled by all harm
Mitigated by false hopes
Loved yet impaired
[ Melancholy ]
9.22/28.03
Deep thoughts swim under the vast sea of notions
Jaded sentiments inhabit the jungle of fears
A solitary feeling in its dwelling place
They wasted it all
Lampooning life with sears
Ignore my tears for they fall for you
The rivers are filled
Drops of crystal blue
Misguided is my heart for all roads lead to you
Hoping that youd find your way to me too
The spectacle of fright is much to blunt to even be seen
Should have, could haves, what might have been
Countless winded paths that I dared to take
Loving you was a choice I had to make
Maybe tomorrow everythings going to change
Things will be fine
Things will be over
Please tell me they will be
Please tell me it will not last
False hopes are killing me
Its the things that I just canâ??t see
That make my life miserable
But uncertainty is a truth I just cant erase
To turn back the hands of time
Would be like you falling for me
I guess there are things in life
That really just cant be
If only you could see the beauty in me...
Id give up eternity to bring back the love that was once there
Stop whining
Stop lying
You might run out of things to say
Stop smearing that deceitful smile on your face
I know youâ??re guilty
Youâ??re the culprit of my heart
We almost had it
We were almost there
Everything just fell apart
Pain I just cant bear
My heart is filled with scars they left behind
Take those words and hurt me
Stab me straight in the mind
Ill let all the blood out
Ill let it all flow
Donâ??t worry tears wont fall
I wont let it show
Thats how your game goes
Hiding behind the silhouetted truth
Why dont you just come out in the open
And for once say things that are true
Im so tired of waiting
Im so tired of hoping
Its so hard to wait for something
That will never be coming
I may wait for eternity
I may wait till later
But I will leave my heart here
Just in case you remember
that thereâ??s still someone here
Loving you..
[ Inner-vity ]
05.21.04
My notions absorb me..
I live in abundance yet crave for more
this is abuse of the confidence youâ??ve has placed in me
there is teeming proof of my guilt
My thoughts drown me...
my behaviour does not accord with my principles
yet i continue on stepping to the fore
still i wont acknoledge myself beaten
My judgment engulfs me...
i never dare act the fool
judge me by actions not promises
no remorse do i feel for my deeds
My wisdom saturates me...
i stand in the face of adversity
i stare at it with a smile
i dare not cry, i dare not fall
My views sink within me...
i am held in great affection
yet i struggle to be free from the chains
in a state of agitation, i lie
My lies drill into me..
im in agony of shame
dont take it amiss, i do say
not an atom of truth in my face
My feelings go under me...
dont attempt impossibilities
base your hopes upon your view
dont liken yourself to me
dont...
[ to be continued... ]
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