Tuesday, August 30, 2005
New fave song!!!
Ive been hearing this song on the radio, but it was only a few minutes ago, amidst the concepts time dilation and length contraction, that I realized how BEAUTIFUL (pun not intended) this song us.
I know its heartbreaking and all, but what the heck, I like it. Ahehe. And think about it, the composer says he wrote it for the girl who broke his heart. Thats one major OUCH for that girl. Bleh. :P
You're Beautiful
by: James Blunt
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
F**king high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.
Anyway, back to Physical Science! Di nako mag-aaral sa English. Scan na lang ng handouts. Lol. Kakatamaaaad.
But hey, this would be our last First Term Finals, Seniors. Sulitin na natin. :P
- n|x - was loved at 8:47 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Imperfections
[ and the winds that blow remind me,of what has been, and what can never be... ]
------------------
I went to Lipa last weekend for my cousin's 5th birthday.
Aside from the fact that I (once again) filled myself up with calories, calories, and more calories, I kind of ate up the thoughts I had back then when I was still young(er).
You see, I had this friend there with whom I used to play and share kwentos with all the time. She had a "special" brother who often teased me and called me "Ganda" (and by special, I mean "special child"). And if I remember right, I had always been amused by the fact that she had a sixth finger on her left hand. But I was never bothered by it. Nor was she.
She was only a year older than me, but she had always been taller, fairer, and skinnier. She was perfect. I always looked up to her as that 'beautiful' friend whom I was always going to admire.
She lived right across my tita's house, so whenever my family and I visit Lipa, I'd always see her by their porch and we'd chitchat till we run out of stories and laughs.
Years passed, and our friendship grew stagnant. Dead even. We had another house built somewhere else in Batangas, so I rarely got to see her. I heard that she had her 6th finger operated on (it was just skin anyway). I also heard that her brother stopped studying and had to remain inside their house.
I never got to see her again actually. But it was only this Saturday that I found out why.
My cousin, Marian, and I were supposed to buy something from this store somewhere near her house. A familiar face smiled at me, so I smiled back.
"Yan na ba si Nikki?" (to Marian)
"Opo." *smiles*
"Aba, dalaga ka na pala eh!"
"Hehe. Kamusta na po kayo Tita?"
"Okay naman. Kelan pa kayo dyan?"
"Today lang po, bumisita lang po kina Marian."
"Aaah. O sya, sige. Ingat kayo!"
And just as I was about to leave, I heard Tita say, "O, ayun si Nikki oh. Dalagang dalaga na."
"...talaga po?"
It was my friend.
Marian then tugged me and said, "kilala mo pa ba si Ate _________?"
"Oo naman, sya yung nagsalita diba? Buti nga kilala pa ako ng Mom nya eh."
"Yup."
"Gusto mo puntahan natin later?"
"Uh..."
"Bakit? Hindi ba pwede?"
"Um, kasi Ate...kasi dati pa diba may pumupuntang lalaki sa house nila?"
"Oh? Di ko alam yun eh."
"Um, kasi...may anak na sya eh. 8 months na."
Wuah.
"Did she get married?"
"Nope."
"Is she still studying?"
"Di rin."
"Kasama nya pa yung lalaki?"
"Pumupunta dyan minsan."
Wuah.
The girl I once played Barbies and Jackstones with now had a heavier responsibility to carry. I guess we'll never be able to patch up the holes of our friendship, but she will always be part of my young past. As perfect as everything seemed for her years ago, I now learned that in this life, imperfection is what defines us as human beings. Nothing can be perfect. No one is.
I may never be able to hear her side of the story, but I just wish she stays strong...for herself, and for the new life she has brought into this world.
---------------------
When you feel like giving up on someone.. remember why you held on for so long.
I need this, just one kiss,
A gentle touch, your sweet caress.
My heart would break my ribs if I hold this in
I must confess
I hate myself for needing this
I love our twisted little mess
I know its wrong but it just feels right
The taste of tears is bittersweet tonight
- Cauterize
Have you ever really thought about it? You've got this girl, head over heels in love with you. She'd do anything for you; she'd die for you. But for some reason, you don't want to see that. You know it's there, and you know that you feel the same way. But you refuse to let it be. Maybe you're scared. Maybe you're scared of the thought that this girl who you've known forever - you've seen her happy, you've seen sad -- maybe this girl is perfect for you. And that really scares you, doesn't it?
- n|x - was loved at 1:40 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Rainy Night = Senti Night (again)
Guys fall in love with their eyes.
Girls fall in love with their ears.
No one can deny how guys wallow in their adolescent fantasies of meeting that mestiza girl, with long hair, a Coca-Cola body, and chinky eyes. Some would die to meet that Heart-look-alike but others would rather hide behind the shadow of their 6-foot-tall best bud as they are drowned by their katorpehan and stalk the apple of their eyes.
Just as that holds true for most guys, the second statement is just as flawless.
Hearing words that seem to feed our hungry heart like crazy would often come out as what we girls need to complement that missing part in our lives. As much as we hate to admit it, mushy quotes and sugarcoated compliments do work to some extent, coz at some point, there's this itsy-bitsy desire inside of us that wishes for them to be true. Even if we know that they are just bolas, as long as there are strings attached, we will fall for them just the same.
But then, after having mingled with these species for the past 17 years of my life, and after having read a number of Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul books, the observations and the data I have recovered have been undeniablly consistent. Though the conclusions may vary, they still all fall under the same category, that is the reality of bittersweet love and life.
We've heard of countless stories of how the guys' hearts have been trampled on by those high heels of the girls theyve been pursuing. Or how they were "two-timed" by the girl they vowed to love forever.
And of course, how could we hide the rivers some girls have cried after those boleros and flirts break their hearts? Letters are burnt, inboxes emptied, and pictures torn. They'd run back to their girlfriends and rant about how they thought he was "the one" and how she feels so stupid to have fallen for his words.
But as fit as these stories appear to be for those primetime telenovelas, there will always, ALWAYS, be those inspiring stories that never fail to pinch our innermost desires. How that "ordinary girl" snagged the superstar player of the basketball team, how that full-pledged Lasallian fell for that true-blue Atenean, how Mr. G-nius' love towards Ms. Cheerleader turned out to be not-so-unrequited after all, how those bestfriends ended up together after 10 years of friendship, how that 80-year-old lolo still serenades his wife of 50 years...and the list goes on.
As surreal and stereotypical as some may sound, we cant deny how we are always taken aback by how that four-letter-word still manages to make its way back to the top. Despite all the false hopes and broken hearts, the best mind-altering drug will still be dreaming..."to wish that someday, I will not only fall with my eyes or ears, but...with all of me."
---------------
Haay. Rainy days are infectious.
I swore not to write about stuff like this anymore, but the chilly/reflective mood is just too much to handle. :P
Oh, and though the finals is just around the corner (more like, barely half a meter away actually), I still havent studied anything.
If you count having read Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs as studying, then Im on my way to review-O-land.
Lol.
Btw, for those concerned, I am now CRUSH-CRUSHAN-FREE, so you can stop teasing me now. Ahaha. It was only a "crush-crushan" in the first place. No biggie. :P
The Keys to Your Heart |
| You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
| In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. |
| You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. |
| You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. |
| Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
| Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
| You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore. |
| In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
Wth. Ahahahahaha.
- n|x - was loved at 10:59 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Saturday = Senti Night
Whoever started the "im-a-Senior-now-so-make-me-a-WRITE-UP-for-our-yearbook" thing was a genius. Either that, or he was a sixteen/seventeen-year-old who longed for something that could make him feel good.
Whenever someone starts writing your name on that page provided for him, youre sure that adjectives are definitely going to be on their way. Add to that different clauses with "mems" after. And after having read that one, two, three, eight..pages thats all about you, your heart is surely going to feel 10 pounds fatter. :D
Haay.
Just like what Danielle had been saying, I still cant believe Im already a Senior.
I used to think of Seniors as those tall, well-built, crushable guys in black pants and those sophisticated-looking, make-up-wearing, heels-trained girls.
Well, I just hope that the young kiddos in school today dont think of us as just that.
Coz now, I now that we are so much more. :)
-------------------------
Were about to take our last First Term finals this week. Waah.
It actually the least-stressful finals week ever (except for the fact that we have to take CL pa)
Oh btw, its official: NO CLASSES ON MONDAY!
I dont know if thats a good thing or a bad thing, coz I actually wanted the first test to be over with.
Oh well, at least we'll be given more time to study. ;)
-------------------------
I have definitely matured as a person.
And my heart has definitely grown up as well.
It doesnt swell in excitement or despair anymore.
Nor does it pound like crazy whenever I am hit with a truckload of kilig or a bucketful of disappointment.
Those salty tears are nowhere in sight (except for that one night, hehe).
Those nights of endless night-dreaming and stargazing have all turned into pasttimes and stress-relievers, unlike the old days when Id stare at space while thoughts flood my head.
Nikko was right.
It really is fun to, well, have fun, and not have to worry about things anymore.
That, I learned from him and from all the other people I care for and love.
This Nikki has come to grow as a seventeen-year-old who dares to still dream and yet stay in touch with the reality that she is making.
She still has the heart to fly to the top while trying to bring her whole world with her.
And she plans to keep on holding on to that "something" in her life that makes it all worth it. ;)
--------------------
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CIRCLE 96!
You guys really are the best! FO SHO!
"That's what friends are for!" ;)
---------------------
i want to be the girl you hit a homerun for. the one you score a goal for,write a song for, the one who makes you smile, makes you laugh && makes your heart skip a beat. okay i just want to be » that girl..
That night we talked. About life. About our times together. Maybe we weren't the same two kids we had once been. But some things never change. Some things last. And even though I didn't know what was going to happen to us, or where we were going ... I just knew I couldn't let her out of my life. - Wonder Years
People make judqements that aren`t truebut one thinq I learned is you just qotta be youand to show the qreatest srenqth of allis to be able to hold it toqether wheneveryone else expects you to fall
I am addicted to the horrible pain of wanting somone so unattainable. <--yikes!
Its like dancing in the rain andwishing on the stars. Butterflies inyour tummy and nothing else byfar. Its that cant eat, cant sleepkinda thing.. thats love.. such a[-* c r a z y * -] thing
I'm not a perfect girl. My hair doesn't always stay in place and I spill things a lot. I'm pretty clumsy and sometimes I have a broken heart. My friends and I sometimes fight and maybe some days nothing goes right, but when I think about it and take a step back I remember how life truly is and that maybe, just maybe, I like being imperfect.
I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chancesand how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is everytime you take a big risk in your life,no matter how it ends up you're always glad you took it. ;)
<-my song. :))
- n|x - was loved at 12:09 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Friday, August 26, 2005
Turning 17
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABET! Luv ya! ;)
"Surprise" for Abet (apparently, she wasnt too surprised, haha)
Balloons were set up in her classroom during the morning, and we gave her this girly seventeen-ish cake with tons of other gifts! ;)
Pre-birthday bash
At Cafe Adriatico for the "Surprise" Birthday Dinner!
More pix at my other multiply account (http://supergurl.multiply.com)(everyone else had digicams! cam whoring! we had complete barkada pix! woohoo. :P)
- n|x - was loved at 10:40 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
tooosday
Soon-To-Be-Hotties!
Danielle showed me her adorable busmates, and I couldnt help but take a picture of these future hearthrobs. Add to that the fact that they (Gab and Joaquin) look like Martin Reyes and Hank Medina, respectively. Wouldnt you agree? Lol.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANK! :D
.
----------------.
Nag-circle day kami kanina! Lapit na anniversary ng DaBest circle aka c96! ahaha.
Love those guys ;).
---------------
Advanced HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOM! (8/24).
Advanced HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAICA! (8/24)
----------------
Love and Time
Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.
Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.
When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?"Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!""I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you.""Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder, Love asked Knowledge, another elder,
"Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love.
"But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."
-----------------
I am too mixed up to really care. And to think, I used to be sure of things. me, once I had all the answers. I wish I was a kid again, when I had all the answers..
- n|x - was loved at 7:36 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
[ So Emo ]
Some of these poems were written years ago, so pardon the excessive mawkishness.
oh and the act of plagiarizing, that is taking someone's words or ideas as if they were your own, is just wrong.
[ Unearthed ]
05.31.06
3.43am
I used to wish I could fly
The classic dream to get away from realityâ??s realm
I am but a tiny part of the sky
Just like the world I am living in
I have been introduced to heaven
Only to take an unkind fall to the ground
To rupture the spell of earthen
Onto which my essence is bound
I am on a quest to find the lost city
Where my refuge was built on rare site
I shant be taken aback by the affinity
Of the dream I foresee every night
[ Almighty ]
05.27.06
You are my mercenary
The one who lurks within the grave
The eye behind my head
For whom this cradle has been made
You are my mastermind
The creator of the ephemeral plan
The brain behind the grid
For whom I offer both my hands
You are my confidant
THe sole keeper of my wrath
The bridge of broken roads
For whom I cross thy father's path
You are my superior
The hand that holds my very fate
The truth Ill never know
For whom forever cannot wait
[ Unforeseen ]
05.09.05
I forgot all about you in record time
You seemed to have been erased from my mind
Im surprising myself
Im swollen with pride
Now without your lies
Ill be doing just fine
Guess youre not the person I presumed you to be
The most bogus of lines I always perceived
Im surprising myself
All filled with apathy
Look from afar
Foresee what youve done to me
Youre still held by those chains
Of what seemed like fatal pain
Im surprising myself
First-hand guilt had remained
Watch out young chap
Theres nothing youve gained
By far you were a dream that realized
But now with you rouge I sympathize
Im surprising myself
Ive now won the prize
To you I say goodbye
For you have met your demise
[ Stay Alive ]
05.09.05
I started down the trail
Alone and frail
With eyes at my back
I worked my way through
With every step I gasped
Knowing I wouldnt last
With shivering hands
I boldly staggered
Searched for refuge and fodder
To escape my own slaughter
Slowly I crept up the hill
A touch of life was found
I then lay on the ground
For on that very mound
With my arms wide open
I offered myself to you
I stood up on both feet
With no stain of conceit
I bowed before you
And freed my entirety
[ Mile ]
12.05.03
You cant blame me for being a dreamer
For the whole world dreams with me
Dare to think badly of my fantasy
I am living a life of imaginings
A victim of a world full of illusions
Seeing things that arent really there
Through the mist that has blinded me
I shall survive in my lair
The tongue of misunderstood feats
Tangled thoughts struggling to unravel
I have come to dig an endless hole
Gamble with life and jump
I have been ready for so long now
But no one dares
To even stop for a while
A love en route for you
Take the path and walk a mile
An unsent message creeps into my mind
I hear your voice from behind
A course full of high risks
I fall into a trance
Distractions let me be
The deafening sound of silence
An eye hidden from beneath
The sharp mouth cut through me
A spectacle of intense passion
I daze into the light
It shines through the darkness
I head for the beautiful sight
I have been raring to search for you
But I stay static
And remain euphoric
I stay here with a smile
Take the path and walk a mile
[ Here...I Wait ]
03.29.05
Here I lie again
On the bed of dreams
The desolate cradle of my core
I wait for your call
Here I bask again
On the crib of fears
The taut embrace I once felt
I wait for your plea
Here I sprawl again
On the cot of delusion
The words you spoke cut through me
I wait for your defense
Here I linger again
On the bunk of doubt
The grace of your stare so well-hidden
I wait for your declaration of guilt
Here I rest again
On the cushion of tears
The spiteful strangling of my essence
I wait for your feeble excuse
Here I wait again
On the floor of cowardice
The weakness I wrangle with
I wait for youâ?¦still
[ I Am Not ]
09.05.03
Fear is looking me in the eye
It glints with clout and authority
I succumb to its overpowering dominance
I might as well die
I fall into a trance
Into a stupor filled with uncertainty
Into a place where I am...
I am not
I want to break away from it all
Wipe out all the confusion
And go back to the real world
Where I am not
I want to evade the hurt and pain
Break away from all the sorrow
And wake up once again
To the sweet grief of life
The overwhelming anguish
The crushing agony
Its getting worse every moment
I am not
The drops of gratifying pleasure
The descent of all bliss
It has all come down to misfortune
Of what I am not
Sad are the tales recounted
Poor are the stories told
A myriad of thoughts flooding
Though I was not
Signified are all the emotions
Not felt
Not shown
Not caressed
Let it all out in the open
To where I am not
In this vast meadow of lies
We shall live our separate lives
Still I will wait and linger
For what I am not
I will try to decipher
I will believe and deem
I will hold on forever
Till I am not
I shall not let go
I shall not lose grip
I will not let you slip away
I am not
[ Gaea ]
07.16.04
Tell me when youre done
Counting the stars in the sky
Our feet firm on the ground
Anon show me how to fly
Catch the falling raindrops
And pour them onto me
Hide me from the suns rays
Still let light shine for you to see
Blow me away like the wind does
Take me to a faraway land
Dive into our secret sea
And we shall end up by the sand
Climb the highest mountain
I shall meet you at the peak
Hide away in the forest
For your being I shall seek
Dig deep into the ground
Make our own secret cave
On top of the trees you shall find
The love you shall save
Between the earth and heaven
I am yours
You are mine
Between the sea and stars
Till the very end of time
[ Passage ]
03.23.05
To the night that seemed so distant
I fled from the racing ire
With no boundaries, no margins, no chains and wires
I was constrained to meet an end
To the stars that seemed so far
I jumped down to the gorge so deep
With no one to hang on to, I fell
I tumbled deep into the sinister dark
To the clouds that seemed so elusive
I flew to the sky so broad
With no one to catch me, I faltered
I faded off into the heavens so grand
To the deep seas that seemed so endless
I wavered to go beyond the horizon
With no sign of life, I trembled
I drowned from the overwhelming tears
To the crevice that seemed so immense
I lay within to fill the hole
With no recognizable hand to help me through
I remained trapped and in me lingered hope
[ Seem ]
11.18.03
I keep climbing but I cant seem to reach the top
I keep on singing but no one hears me out
The sun keeps shining but why is it always dark?
You keep talking, true lies spill from you mouth
I take it all in, but I cant seem to taste
Dark clouds loom over you, but you still seem chaste
Im sewing them all together, but I cant make them whole
My body is visible, but I have no soul
Im a living being, but it appears that Im dead
Im still grieving over the haughty things that you said
I stand as the crow flies, but I stand in shame
I can picture your face but I canâ??t utter your name
Seeing things that are invisible to the eye
Im laughing out loud, but inside I cry
I am wide awake, but Im living in a dream
Im smiling, but surely
things arenâ??t always like they seem...
[ Sabi Mo ]
Sabi nilaâ?¦
Swerte daw akot kasama kita
Sa araw araw na kapiling ka
Parang wala nang hihilingin pa
Sabi nilaâ?¦
Para daw tayo sa isat isa
Tayoy pinagtagpo ng tadhana
Di na hahanap pa ng iba
Sabi nila...
Iba ang nakikita nila sa atin
Mga mata natiy nagniningning
Dalawang taong may pagaangkin
Sabi nilaâ?¦
Pakinggan ang bulong ng puso
Di bat nagmamahalan na kayo?
Ano pa ngayon ang hinihintay nyo?
Sabi ko namanâ?¦
Di ko maipapaliwanag pa
Kung ano itong nadarama
Tuwing kasama ko siya
Sabi koâ?¦
Twing nakatingin sa kanyang mata
Di na ko makahinga pa
Mundo koy hawak nya
Sabi koâ?¦
Matagal ko nang tinatago
Akoy matagal nang nagsusumamo
Para lamang sa iyong puso
Sabi koâ?¦
Di na kayang itago pa
Sana ngayoâ??y alam mo na
Mahal na mahal kitaâ?¦
Sabi mo namanâ?¦
Ano bang iniisip nila?
Tayoy laging magkasama
At laging masaya?
Sabi moâ?¦
Bakit ka ba laging nakatingin?
Tila may gustong sabihin
Bat di mo pa aminin?
Sabi moâ?¦
Ginugulo mo lang ang isip ko
Dibat magkaibigan tayo?
Ngayoy bakit ganito?
Sabi mo..
Dibat sinabi ko sayo
Di tayo kailanman magtatagpo..
Dahil and sabi koâ?¦
di ikaw ang mahal ko..
[ Araw-Gabi ]
Sa ilalim ng mga bituin
Nakatitig ako sa langit
Sa langit ng walang-hanggang kalaliman
Maaari kayang ikay nakatingala rin at nag-iisip
Nag-iisip sa kawalanâ?¦
Ako ang laman ng isipanâ?¦
Walang ingayâ?¦
Tahimik
Walang bosesâ?¦
Parang langit
Ikaw lang ang naririnig ko
Pangalan moâ??y sinisigaw ng puso.
Ang gabiy lumalalim
At ikaw ang kapiling
Gawin nating atin ang gabi...
Dumaan ang oras, at ang araw ay lumabas...
Lumiwanag ang langit, may ilaw, may ngitiâ?¦
Ang umagay dumating
Ang pagmamahal ay sapitin
Bagong araw ay atin...
Nagsumpaan tayong dalawa
Wala ng iba
Kundi ikaw at ako
Ang araw at ang bwan
Araw...gabi....araw at gabi...atin lamang..
[ Dazed and Confused ]
What am I to believe?
All the lies and deceit
It has all come upon me
He speaks of things I cannot grasp
What am I to believe?
Who am I to seek?
I am worthy of the truth and the real
I am forgotten by the past
Stupefied by the emotions
Infatuation lingers and reigns
What am I to believe?
So I say...
If you want to show me then do so
My eyes are free to see the light
If you want me to tell me then do so
My ears have been listening since forever
[ Deep ]
10.28.03
Suffocating gush of queries arise
As the wind blows wearily in the course of the night
Irksome jostling of shrouded emotions
The flailing hand ready to say goodbye
No right to proclaim, No right to utter
The deafening cry of the saddened heart
Such gratifying regrets I have come to reveal
Craving for love, for a touch of passion so real
The lush of contradictions and pains
Overwhelming desire for blunt happiness
The face full of beauty has come to wither
Now a smile is hopeless without life to savor
The never dying anguish I have come to accept
The living elements vigorously work against me
A promise not to live a life of regret
Locked up inside, never to be broken
Clinging to the words you sweetly spoke
Thin-skinned words which went right through me
The baffling thrust of hurt could be seen
Like a cascade of waters put on view
Reminiscing the moments we could have relished
Doors were unentered and gates grew vulnerable
A drop of tear is nowhere to be found
Nevertheless a birth of a flowing river came about
[ Drawn-Out ]
10.10.03
High-stake feeling
Rampaging over the spot
All drunken and unaware
Of the reckless pain love can cause
Staying with the feeling
Tracking the source
In the arms of waiting fondness
Brought down without a fight
Stealing a ton of tears
Getting your first break
Blinded by the flashing lights
Pushing you to your limit
The clear fog of blindness
Charging through your back
Spotting the real suspect
Of the injuries caused
Stunned and injured
Bruised heart bleeding all over
Setting you on fire
A series of heartbreaks
No place is too far
You cant hide from it
Vengeance and hatred
Looks are deceiving
Passion homicide
Outrageous outbreaks
The coast is clear for the end
Finally all worn out
[ Believe ]
05.21.04
It is beneath you to even stop deeming
take the bitter with the sweet
hold on to it, hold on tight
in a breathless effort to live
you are boom as a being
dont turn away to hide your face
bound your desires and live
you are one beauty of our time
love brewing within you
shout it out onto the world
take such steps as seem called for
crave out a life for yourself
remind me of your promise
dont be a victim of itâ??s charms
chiefly composed of cruelty
dont succumb, be strong
decisions alter circumstances
circumstances alter cases
never settle for whats not good enough
always take a step higher, aim high
seems that everything combines against you
dont fret, hold on, be strong
go command over yourself
clear your mind of doubt, move on
do not degrade yourself
no cheating, no lies
you are what you are
you shall be what you can be
just believe...
[ I Could Have ]
10.28.03
I could have been a beauty queen, if only I had the beauty
I could have been a movie star, if only I had a movie
I could have been what you were waiting for, though you werent waiting
I could have been the girl you loved, if only we werent hating
I could have cut my hair short, but I was already losing em
I could have saved you a seat, but I knew you werent comin
I could have waited for your call, but I kept the phone hanging
I could have been the love of your life, but sadly now were nothing
I could not help myself from falling for you
I couldâ??nt have avoided it coz you were falling too
I could have followed my head and said no
But Im not, I wont, my heart says so
I could have been a better person, but alas I am not
I could have been the one for you, boy, that would mean a lot
I could have made my dreams come true if only I were awake
There could have been a me and you, but everythings at stake
I could have done this and that, thats why now I do regret
I could have kept our memories, but I shall just forget
I could have looked you in the eye, but I was the one who turned away
I could have loved you with all my heart, if only you could stay
I could not go on any longer for I couldnt bear the pain
I could have cried the whole night while you were calling out her name
We could have been something you know, or is it just me?
We could have been together, if only she had set you free
I could have let go of you, but I wasnt, I was holding on
I could have released my hurt, but how could I? It was long gone
No pain could compare to the way you made me feel
I could have thought you loved me, pretending nothings real
I could have returned the favor, but I didnt want to give it back
I could have completed you, but there are things that we still lack
I could have loved you too, like the way you had loved me
It could have happened, It could still happen...
If only shell set you free
[ Impaired ]
I see you looking at her...
Her long black hair that I havent got
Her glistening eyes looking back at you
Her beguiling smile
Her beatific face
Makes me look down on myself
The ill fate that has thwarted my path
The tangible reality of my misfortune
Everything she has that I havent got
Envious of the sight
Hurting inside
I numb the ache
You see me look at you...
Your luminous smile shows your glee
Your surreal eyes filled with depth
Your enthralling splendor
I am lost in thought
I turn away
I avert my vista
I look away and hope
That you wouldnt see the tears
Why should you see me like this?
I am just a sham
Just anguish waiting to be felt
I deaden the pain
Weakened by the prejudice
Spoiled by all harm
Mitigated by false hopes
Loved yet impaired
[ Melancholy ]
9.22/28.03
Deep thoughts swim under the vast sea of notions
Jaded sentiments inhabit the jungle of fears
A solitary feeling in its dwelling place
They wasted it all
Lampooning life with sears
Ignore my tears for they fall for you
The rivers are filled
Drops of crystal blue
Misguided is my heart for all roads lead to you
Hoping that youd find your way to me too
The spectacle of fright is much to blunt to even be seen
Should have, could haves, what might have been
Countless winded paths that I dared to take
Loving you was a choice I had to make
Maybe tomorrow everythings going to change
Things will be fine
Things will be over
Please tell me they will be
Please tell me it will not last
False hopes are killing me
Its the things that I just canâ??t see
That make my life miserable
But uncertainty is a truth I just cant erase
To turn back the hands of time
Would be like you falling for me
I guess there are things in life
That really just cant be
If only you could see the beauty in me...
Id give up eternity to bring back the love that was once there
Stop whining
Stop lying
You might run out of things to say
Stop smearing that deceitful smile on your face
I know youâ??re guilty
Youâ??re the culprit of my heart
We almost had it
We were almost there
Everything just fell apart
Pain I just cant bear
My heart is filled with scars they left behind
Take those words and hurt me
Stab me straight in the mind
Ill let all the blood out
Ill let it all flow
Donâ??t worry tears wont fall
I wont let it show
Thats how your game goes
Hiding behind the silhouetted truth
Why dont you just come out in the open
And for once say things that are true
Im so tired of waiting
Im so tired of hoping
Its so hard to wait for something
That will never be coming
I may wait for eternity
I may wait till later
But I will leave my heart here
Just in case you remember
that thereâ??s still someone here
Loving you..
[ Inner-vity ]
05.21.04
My notions absorb me..
I live in abundance yet crave for more
this is abuse of the confidence youâ??ve has placed in me
there is teeming proof of my guilt
My thoughts drown me...
my behaviour does not accord with my principles
yet i continue on stepping to the fore
still i wont acknoledge myself beaten
My judgment engulfs me...
i never dare act the fool
judge me by actions not promises
no remorse do i feel for my deeds
My wisdom saturates me...
i stand in the face of adversity
i stare at it with a smile
i dare not cry, i dare not fall
My views sink within me...
i am held in great affection
yet i struggle to be free from the chains
in a state of agitation, i lie
My lies drill into me..
im in agony of shame
dont take it amiss, i do say
not an atom of truth in my face
My feelings go under me...
dont attempt impossibilities
base your hopes upon your view
dont liken yourself to me
dont...
[ to be continued... ]
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