Friday, February 25, 2005



Congratutulations to Maica Francisco for being appointed as the new SJB Head!
Congrats to all the new SJB Core Members as well!
Sam Nierras
Carl Mamawal
Lorenzo Piccio
Jan Arcinue
Anna Oposa
=D

Congratulations to Aldous din, the council’s new Media Consultant! Hehe =D

And congrats to Celine Domingo for being her batchs secretary!
 Im so proud of you Ces!! Miss ya! =P

***
We had our outreach the other day, and it was surely an eye-opener.
We went to Malaban, Binan Laguna and visited the fisherfolks there.
Our foster parent was Tatay Inyong.
Jana and I were surprised when he told us that he was already 73 years old, when in fact, he looked like he was only 50something –no bolas involved, lol-
Not only that, but he seemed to still have the strength of a middle-aged man. Thats probably why until now, he still manages to go through life as a simple fisherman.
If I remember right, when my partner and I asked him how many children he had, he answered something like:

Ay marami! Di ko na nga mabilang eh!

His apos were everywhere too, and it didnt come as a surprise to us that these people opted to disregard family planning.
How can a fisherman, who earns an average of, what? P200 a day? afford to support a family of 5? 6? 7? How about 13?
How can you have a dozen children? My goodness. Lol.
When Danni asked if theyve ever thought of family planning, they answered with a giggle, something like:

Kung ikaw ay maiwang walang magawa, di mo maiiwasan ang mga bagay na ganyan.

Is that an excuse?
Wala kang magawa, kaya gagawa ka na lang ng bata? Lol.
Haay.
Mga pinoy talaga.

But kidding aside, the community of fishermen in Malaban needs help.
The whole fishing industry of Laguna lake does.
If only someone out there would take the first step to help these people, then maybe, just maybe, things would change.

Jana and I also went to the palengke pala with Nanay Julie. Rofl.
As we were riding the tricycle, we took down some interesting notes:
Wala lang. Lol.

Rhobielynn’s place
Roi and Ejay
Aqua Alon
Pizza Hauz (with the logo of pizza hut)

***

I stayed after school yesterday and the day before that.
I applied for SJB core member, together with other 30 applicants, so its understandable that I didnt get the job. Lol.
I really didnt expect to be accepted anyway, coz with contenders like the people who actually got accepted, my chances were 1 in a..err, 30? Lol.

Anyway, I also watched the concerts held in the CPA.
It made me want to play the piano again.
I used to loooooooooooooove the piano. But as time passed, the piano seemed to have lost its lust, if you know what I mean. Rofl.
I plan to play again this summer though. If Im bored enough, Ill probably be able to press the keys again, and hopefully, regain my love for it.
Ive been wanting to learn how to play the guitar too. My dad knows how to, so maybe, Ill use that as an excuse to let him into my life. Were not exactly CLOSE close, but that doesnt mean I love him less. Its funny actually, coz I only get to talk to him in the car, whenever he picks me up from school.
And that isnt an exaggeration.
We dont talk here at home.
If ever we do, it would just be casual conversations with the whole family.
But as I said, that doesnt mean were in a hopeless relationship.
Just a weird yet happy one.

***
I watched the GAP tryouts yesterday.
Daming magaling! Go Anna! lol.
The evaluation was scaaaaaary coz the girls had to dance to 1 cheer and to a song onstage with the whole of the PEP & GAP watching them.
My friends in GAP have been asking me, and everyone else for that matter, to try-out.
Others have been urging me to try it out as well, and I actually considered it for a while coz the thought of not having to attend our regular PE classes was very tempting, but I guess being a Gapper isnt my thing.
Not that I have anything against cheerdancers, coz I have a lot of friends who are Gappers, and I myself have been a cheerdancer of our batch.
These girls are in fact very talented. Theres no doubt about that.
Its just that, when I dont feel the drive to do something, I dont go for it.
I love dancing.
Its one thing that Im passionate about.
Aside from the fact that I lose weight everytime I dance, lol, it has been something that I can be proud of in a way.
But I don’t think being in GAP is what I want.
I still have next years cheering competition in my list, and if I were given the chance to still dance for my batch, then Id channel my passion for dancing there instead.

***
Heres a shoutout to: Dward and Jana again! Lol.
Oh, let me rephrase that.
Hi to Dward!
Hi to Macky and Jana! :x


- n|x - was loved at 12:23 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Tuesday, February 22, 2005


congrats
this day has been a mix of contradictions.

the srcc elections are over, and the winners have been declared.
we were at the cadlum hall this afternoon, and as soon as someone shouted,
straight absolute!
my jaw dropped. =o

i didnt know if i was supposed to rejoice or cry.

i was suuuuuuuper happy for abet, mik, and julie!
being a friend of these people sure is a privelege in my part.
i felt the overwhelming bliss they were feeling the moment i hugged and congratulated them.
they were all crying, and if it werent for the deadly heat inside the crowded cadlum hall, i wouldve cried myself too.
theyve worked so hard the whole time, and im sure glad it all paid off.
im sooooooo proud of them! =)

on the other hand,
i didnt know how i was supposed to comfort lorenzo, ysi, carl, and all the other people at the other side of the hall.
i need not ponder on whatever they may be feeling now.
But if theres one thing I can assure them, its that they put up a good fight.
A really good one at that.
great job you guys ;)

its still hard having friends compete over something though.
theyve all been really cool about it themselves.
theyre all good friends in the first place, so the whole thing s nothing personal.
but for our part, having friends vie for the same positions isnt easy at all
and im pretty sure it wasnt any easier for them.

but after all that these people have been through, theres no doubt about it that they all deserve a pat in the back.
theyve all worked sooooo hard and have given their all.
everyone may not have gotten what they desired for, but they should all be proud of the fact that they gave their best.
and thats what matters, coz thats what makes them all winners. =)

Congratulations, u guys! =D

Oh, and my new layout looks cool, huh?
Lol.
Summer really is just around the corner!
6 normal school days to go!
caaant wait till classes are over!
no more horrendous PE classes, annoying music reportings, freakin physics quizzes, lengthy computer activities, never.ending wednesdays, PMSing teachers, amusing presentations, tiring tests, aaaaaand the list goes on..

and il be turning 17 in a month!
17!
thats like, older than 16. . . and almost 18!
18 pare!
thats ooooooooold!
im almost an adult!
waaaaaah.
lol.

and im not badtrip anymore!
yay! hehe.
nakakahawa kasi pag badtrip mga tao.
i have this tendency to carry someone elses load with me, so if ever youre badvibes, dont tell me.
mahahawa lang ako.
lol.
nah, just kidding.
go on and tell me.
i give good advice. . . at least thats what they say. harhar.
but based on experience, the hardest person to give advice to is. . . well, ME.
and thats the sad reality i have to face.
hehe. ;)

and yea, outreach pala naman on Thursday.
tapos walang pasok sa Friday!
wooohoo!
more reason to celebrate! =D

PS - whatever I blogged about yesterday, erase all that from your memories. that was pure trash. haha.
PS2 - binabati ko nga pala sina Dward and Jana! hehe. Oh, and Marge din pala! lol. sa mga gustong magpabati dyan, sabihin nyo lang sakin. =P
PS3- and danielle tooo! i miss you! CC1 misses you! lol. dont forget my hot.surfer.dudes.from Surigao! haha. =P
- n|x - was loved at 6:20 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Sunday, February 20, 2005



A friend pasted this on our YM conversation:

Everytime I see you become so stupid
Everytime I see you in pain
Everytime I see your heart break
I try to console and comfort you
I try to show and prove to you
I try to accompany and love you
After, I end up being the dumber person.
For others, you easily give up your heart.
I show you mine, you ignore and break it.

why do i keep presenting to you my heart to break,
when the people you give it to
dont even see you worthy of theirs

as much as i hate to admit it. . .
darnit.
He IS right.
=O
- n|x - was loved at 9:24 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~



Wake-up Call
This morning, I stood looking at my face in the mirror, staring at myself in amazement.
I look weirder.
It could have been because I just woke up.
It could have been because my hair was a total mess.
It could have been because I slept late the night before.
It could have been all that. . .
But at the back of my mind, I was thinking it was because of something else.

That face in the mirror didnt use to look like that before.
My eyes used to be less, uh, chinita ish?
My nose used to be. . . well, it still is undesirable.
My mouth seems to look fuller now, probably because my teeth looks much more decent now.
I looked pretty. . .human.
Or so I thought.
Something was missing though.

After a few seconds of staring at my faded face,
I let out a yawn.
Eek.
Ang panget mo lalo.
Then I turned away from the mirror.

Hours passed, and after taking a bath, I decided to wear this blue and pink top of mine which had the words SWEET GIRL at the front.
I look slim in this shirt.
Goodie.

It was still early.
The clock read 6.45.
I had 45 minutes more till we go to Church.

I went to my brothers room.
They were playing NBA LIVE 2005.
I grabbed a controller and played with them.

Ate naman eh!
Kami muna!

I laughed.

The laugh made me feel better.

I realized that I hadnt laughed the whole day.

I then faced the mirror inside the very same room.
I just put some lip balm on, and felt that I looked presentable enough.
But I still felt unpretty.

I noticed my brother staring at me from behind.
I looked at him and he laughed.

Bakit ka tumatawa dyan? I said, in an ate.like voice.

He then looked at me with those cute eyes and said
Mag smile ka nga ate!

I paused.

I turned around to face the mirror.
I stared at my face. . .
and
smiled.

Hey, I look a whole lot better.

I then heard my brother giggle from behind.
See.
Ate, maganda ka na ulit!

Wow.
Not thats what I call love.

He made me feel all the more beautiful. =)
- n|x - was loved at 8:45 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Friday, February 18, 2005



Tropak girls. =)) Posted by Hello
- n|x - was loved at 10:55 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~




just the 3 of us. Rofl. Posted by Hello
- n|x - was loved at 10:54 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~




wala lang. =P Posted by Hello
- n|x - was loved at 10:53 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~



bro

Ibubuking ko ulit brother ko. Hehe.
I was reading his writeUP notebook a while ago, and I was surprised by how much of a stranger my brother seems to me.

RICHARD
Smart, I mean really smart
Mabilis tumakbo
Fun to be with
Everybody likes him
Magaaral sa Phil. Sci
Has a lot ahead of him
For one thing, he is good with people
Mabait
Hindi nangongopya si Richard
Laging lider sa mga goups
Super quiet
Responsible na vp!
Maingay rin toh no!
Ayaw niya sumali if kumakain kami sa class!
Addict rin toh sa internet!
He was formerly a math whiz
MR PERFECT
Dami girl friends
Kulit salita ng salita
Pag isip mo ng math una sa isip mo is numbers tpos Richard
Parang encyclopedia
Masyado sineseryoso yung pagiging vice pres niya!
Palagi akong nagpapatulong sa computer kasi magaling din sya dto
Innocente
. . .and the list goes on

oh, and here are the stuff that made me smirk like a devil:

Dearest Richard,
Sana magkatuluyan kayo ni CIA. Para wala na akong problema! Thank you!
Anonymous

Si Richard, Mr. Perfect!! Hehe. Talino. Bagay sila ni Ciaa! Parehong matalino!
Crush nya si Cia. . . hehe.

Very intelligent si Richard.
May girlfriend na daw eh! No, just kidding! Haha!

Heres what CIA wrote about my bro:
Blah blah. . .
Richard is a nerd. . . joke. . .matalino toh, honor sec nung gr4, galling sa math, mbait, street magic! Friendly, talkative, helpful, once again, matalino! Super funny, cool, good friend, weird, akala mo quiet, good boy, hindi pala. . . caring. . nang-aasar. . nice person. . =)
Cia

AAAAAAAAYIHHHHHEEEEE!!!!!
Omgash. My brothers growing up!
Haha.
What if girlfriend nya nga nga yung si Cia nay un?
Naunahan nya pa ko! Langya.
Rofl.

And it amazes me how much ME I see in him.
Almost half of what his classmates wrote about him were what my classmates wrote in my own writeup a few years back.

Akala mo guiet. . . good girl. . . di pala
Tahimik
Vice Pres!
The phil.sci thing
Matalino?

And I was impressed by how GOOD my brother is pala.

He doesn’t cheat.
He doesn’t eat in class.
Hes responsible.
Hes doing his job as the vice president.

Parang ako nga daw.
Harhar.

My brother aint so bad after all.
In fact,

I think I do love him.

More than I used to. =D



Cant believe I just typed that. Waha.


Oh, and on a heavier note. . .
I think Im halfway through the getting.over.IT. thing.

Okay. So maybe 1/4 –way. Lol.
Or maybe 1/16?

At least Im trying.

Danielle and I were texting a while ago.

She was deeply disturbed by some deeply.disturbing fact, while I on the other hand, was going through something parallel to that. Lol.
Weve been consoling each other for days now. . . but sadly, we seem to be dwelling on them still.
We need to get over IT.
I swear.
Rofl.

Her messages were like:

Bwahahaha. Tnk of it as a test of ur strength: d ability to resist - - - censored! Lol. - - - Gud luck dahling. Lol.

Bwahahahaa. . . So w8 lng, ur type s stl smooth talker, Moreno, w/ a nice walk, bad boy-ish, right? =) Rofl.

Its amazing how my friend knows me so well.
Haha.

Im gonna miss her though, coz shell be gone for a week.
She ll be in Surigao for a week for this literary contest thing.
She s either gonna be with hot surfer dudes or geeky 4-eyed writers there.
Im betting on the latter.
But were both hoping for the former.
Coz my pasalubong for her s supposed to be a hot.surfer.dude also.
Wahahaha.

Oh.
Oh no.
Im gonna be gate.5.companion.less next week.
Haay.
Owel.

Anyway. . .

I almost forgot about IT today, coz IT was nowhere in sight.
And the fact that I saw another tree without IT made me feel better.
Better. . . coz I need not worry about having to hide IT and play the.girl.who.used.to.be again.

But, as soon as IT crossed my path again. . .
Langya.
Nadapa pa rin ako.

Haay.
I never learn.
Nasa mukha ka na nga.
Sinasampal nako.
Di pa rin ako gumigising. =O
Owel.

But hey,
Im getting there.

And Im happy about it. =D
- n|x - was loved at 10:52 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~




post-prom. near the boys' bathroom.  Posted by Hello
- n|x - was loved at 10:52 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~




my mom (when she saw this pic): "bakit parang nakahubad ka?" Lol.  Posted by Hello
- n|x - was loved at 10:51 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~



4:05 pm
This was my blog last Tuesday.>>>

I was scanning through the documents saved here in my PC when I saw the filename VALENTINES in my brother s folder. My grade 7 brother is the last person I expect to be fond of the mushy day of hearts, and so, thait got me all curious and I decided to check it out.
At first I thought, its probably a love letter he wrote for his cute crush, or maybe its an article about something like What To Give Your Love This Valentines Day.
But noooooo.
Guess what it was.


It contained the instructions on how to give your sweetheart personalized chocolates this valentines IN RAGNAROK WORLD. Lol.


I couldnt stop laughing after reading the whole thing.

I thought for a while there that my little bwoder was already growing up, but it really didnt come as a surprise to me to find out that it was just about Ragnarok.

Actually, I think I know who my brother s crush is.
I met this former classmate of his before. Shes a pretty little girl and we used to always say hi to each other.
Ive always suspected that she was the girl my brother liked.
And ever since my brother owned his own phone, that suspicion was confirmed.

I was scanning through his phonebook one day, and as I saw the name of the girl, I wasnt too surprised either to find that my brother put a smiley after her name.
Isnt that cute?

Lol.


I used to do that too actually. =))
Id place a smiley face, or worse. . . a heart, after my crush s name in my phonebook.
Whenever he texts me or calls me, youd see with this nasty grin on my face.
Im not like those other girls who try their bestest not to show that they get kilig.
More often than not, whenever I feel butterflies in my stomach, with matching stars around my head, I either end up shrieking, jumping, singing, laughing, or grinning crazily.

Hehe.

I miss that feeling though.
I love it when I see my friends feel all kilig he did this, or he said that
Thats why I oftentimes think. . . ako kaya? Kelan ulit?

I formulated an answer to that question at exactly 4:05 pm today.
Well, it isnt exactly THE answer, but its one way for me to get out of the stupid rut that I am in. . . again.
I got things all tangled up. . .again.
I made things even worse. . . for me. . . for them. . .again.
And I realized, while munching on some chips at the parking lot this afternoon, that thats the last thing I need right now.
Complications.
Masyado na magulo.
If I pursue and follow what that organ inside my chest is hollering at me, Id probably end up crying again anyway, so why bother?
Right?

Im much better without IT anyway.
It may have made me smile.
Its actually one of the reasons why I smile everday.
But then, its the very same reason why I cried last night too. =o

So. . .

As a conclusion, my friend and I decided, at 4:15 pm today, to pursue our pedophile-statuses? Lol.
We both have crushes in the lower batches, and we both like ? mortal, gullible, human beings in our batch.
And we weighed our options.
Or at least thats what I think we did.

Let me spare you from the lousy details.
Basta as a result of our pathetic pondering about them, we realized that weve been barking on the wrong trees.
Actually, her chosen tree is okay.
VERY okay.
VERY VERY okay.
My tree on the other hand, is. . .well, the WRONG tree.

So, we therefore concluded that being pedophiles for now would be the way to go.

Lol.

Nothings wrong with having to crush on someone born a few days, weeks, months, or even years, before you.

Its been quite rampant in our school anyway, so we wont seem that unusual.

Right?

Hehe.

And besides, a crush is just exactly what it is.

A crush.

If by chance we find out that these boys have a crush on us too, then good for us.

LOL.

Okay.
That probably sounded. . .uh, rather pathetic.
Whats new, right?

But anyway, this is just probably my way of coping with the i.barked.at.the.wrong.tree thing.
Im fortunate enough to have mother nature grant me other more RIGHT trees.
And so, I shall use that luck of mine to my advantage.


Watch out TREE, coz here I come.


LOL. =D
- n|x - was loved at 6:11 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Tuesday, February 15, 2005


Damned.

If youre smart enough, youll know that this is for you.

Damned /Shimoli

Boy you reminded me of putting these things into words

And save them, for a rainy day

Your shameful heart and your sinful soul

Oh, I'm amazed by you and all that you are 
Your devious ways, you do the work of the dark forces in this world

And you're evil, oh yes you are
 Damned, you're one man I just can't stand you're

Damned, you built your castle on the sand, you're

Damned, How could I ever want you for my man

I lost you now, so why do I care?
You really knew right from the start

How to work your way into my heart

And then you pulled the trigger shot me around the weakest

You're a disgrace to the human race with your pretty face
Your devious ways, you do the work of the dark forces in this world

And you're evil, oh yes you are
 Damned...

So why do I care?

Taking things for granted.
It used to be a hobby of mine.
Not that its good thing, coz I often end up caging myself in my room, not wanting the world to even know I exist.

Taking things for granted.
Its stupid.
You end up regretting. . . and whining. . . and pouting. . . and regretting.
You end up banging your head on the wall while shouting ANG TANGA TANGA MO!


It’s a universal fact that you really cant turn back time.
But cant you pull the strings back together and let things be the way they used to be?
If only you had done this or that, maybe things turned out the way you wanted them to.
If only you had let your brain function the way it should have, then maybe you wouldnt be blabbing about taking things for granted now.


I have a lot of things to be happy about. . .
Im even on the verge of being content. . .
Well, at least thats what most people think.
And thats how I should be looking at things too.

So why arent I?


Ive got a couple of great highways ahead of me.
Both seducing me into the great abyss.
So why is it still holding me back?
Why do I keep on looking the other way?


Dammit.

I hate it when Im stuck in the middle.
I hate it when Ive got tons of things I want to say, but I cant let it all out, coz if I do. . .Id be dead.
I hate it when I start tripping.
I hate it when I regret.

I hate it. . .



Coz I end up getting hurt..



Pathetic?
I guess so.

A friend once told me asked:
Why do you love getting hurt?

Damn.
I have no idea why. =O
- n|x - was loved at 6:42 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Monday, February 14, 2005


V-Day

February 14. Omigahd. Its Valentines Day. =O

I know some people expect me to gush about all those mushy and cheesy stuff. That 4letterword is everywhere, I know, and NO, you wont hear it from me too. Hehe.

I guess my friends have rubbed off some sense into me. Im not the old Über senti girl most people used to THINK they know. My closest friends are cynics; they squirm and react violently once the romance department takes action. Theyre not exactly anti. . .uh, that 4letterword, but theyre not exactly hopeless romantics either. I used to be like the latter, but I regret having been one. Lol. See. I seemed to have succumbed to peer pressure. I am partly cynical now.

Or rather. . .
I really am just a realist, I guess. ;)

Anyway, heres the continuation of my prom experience. . .


I was surprised.

We passed by Intercon before going back to Dusit. We dropped off Mik in her room –which I think she struggled with the whole night =O- and we visited the guyS room as well. Their rooms were sooooo small! Poor guys. =o

WE, on the other hand, were lucky with the room that we got. Very lucky. Thanks to Lorenzo and Marge. ;) hehe.

And yea, I never thought we could actually let guys in our hotel room. Lol. Hold on. Remove that hint of GREEN in your minds. Rofl. We already had guys in our suite –nax, suite pa. . .hehe- in the first place, but having let 2 more in? Thats another first for me.

We decided to wait for the sun to rise. It was already around 5 am I think and we just sort of tried to fight the very tempting call of the oh.so.comfy.bed. If those 2 guys werent in our room, we woulve probably traveled to dreamland during that hour, but NOOO, they had to keep us up by relentlessly making kulit. Hehe. Dont get me wrong though. We had lots of fun having them there. They were even our slaves for a while. Coz even though the sun was nowhere to be seen yet, they mustered enough energy to walk to this nearby gas station to buy us hot chocolate –Ovaltine. . .harhar- and some chips and cookies.

So anyway, we saw the sky light up after a few hours. Unfortunately for us, our hotel room was facing the west –I think- so we didnt really get to see the sun say hello. But nonetheless, that was something we all witnessed together, and that made it a not.so.typical.sunrise.

We, -the girls in the room- thought that that was the end of it. The guys left and we finally got to shut our eyes. Finally.
Those few minutes of peace and quiet was heavenly. . .
But it was cut short.
Lol.

I was just suddenly taken aback when they re-entered the room and he greeted me. . . with, uh, them at hand. He gave them to me and I didnt know how to react. It must have been because of the great lack of sleep, hehe, but despite that, I greatly appreciated it. I really did.

So anyway, lets fast forward the events a few hours later. Hehe.

We took turns showering in the bathroom and we all got dressed up. We fixed our things and got ready to eat breakfast. Since Lorenzo and Marge already had their free buffet breakfast –kakainggit, lol- we decided to go back to Glorietta to eat. The 2 guys decided to come with us yet again, hehe, but our supposedly trip.to.the.mall.for.breakfast was cut short coz we had to go. Awie and Jeanne had to ride with me so we rushed back to the hotel after having bought a small bag of mini donuts. Hehe.

My mom asked me where they came from. I dont remember what I answered though. Lol. It was a good thing Jeanne and Awie had them too, so I didnt worry about it too much. .. . though I think they knew where they came from. =O

FF>>>
We dropped off Awie and Jeanne at Mt. McDo, and we bade our goodbyes.
That was the only time it finally hit me. THE PROM IS OVER. That was it.
And with that thought came a smile on my face.
=)

My parents had to pass by Pricemart after that, and I knew I looked pretty stupid while pushing the cart like a sleepless adolescent. . .coz that was exactly what I was.
I saw all the flowers and Valentine goodies inside.
That made me smile. Again. For no good reason. Hehe.

FF>>>
We finally got home.
Finally.
And when I entered the door, I got another surprise.

Niño: Ate, may nagpadala ng –uh, them- sayo!
Me: Huh?
Niño: Ayun oh! –Points to the top of the piano-
Me: -with eyes barely open- . . . OMIGAHD.

OMIGAHD.
That was all I could say.
Though my eyes were closing in on me, they still managed to pop out of their sockets when I saw them.
Wow.
Another thing to be thankful for.
Really.

But somehow, though I probably received those things most girls wanted, something bothered me. I need not say what it was about, coz in fact, I have no idea either.
Or maybe I do.
Even my friends do.
And even they are confused by it.
But I guess Id rather leave that behind my mind.
My being martyr is striking back.
Sacrifice my own happiness for someone elses.
For everyone elses.
Haay.

But I have no worries.
Coz Im definitely happy.
HAPPIER.

All I know right now is that I have a lot to be thankful for.
Heck, Ive got a whole lot.
And I really am thankful. =)

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!

If you know I love you, then good.
If you dont. . .well, now you do. =P
And thank you for loving me for me.
Thank yo for being part of my life. =)
- n|x - was loved at 8:03 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~



Love moves in mysterious ways

Love moves in mysterious ways

From the very beginning, gal's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that the gal will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with
him. Due to family's pressure, the couple quarreled very often. Though the gal love the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?" As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the gal to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the gal often vented her anger on him. As for him, he only endured it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the gal: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" The gal agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged. The gal went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the gal was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice....

The doctors said that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides
crying, it's just her silent cry that accompanied her.

Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced her heart every time it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer. With that, she sent the engagement ring back to him.

In return, the guy sent millions & millions of replies, countless phone calls, all the gal could do were to cry silently. The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy. With a new environment, the gal learned sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that her boyfriend is back.
She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't any news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope containing an invitation for the guy's wedding. The gal was shattered. When she opened the card, she saw her name in it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her.

He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise, let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the engagement ring back into her finger. The gal finally smiled.

*Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how to give...Treat every moment as is if it's the last day, then you'll know how to treasure*
- n|x - was loved at 8:02 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~



untitled

untitled (girl version)

if you see me walking the road with somebody else
it's not because i like his company
it's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me
if you hear me talking about him all the time
it's not because he pleases me
it's because you're to deaf to hear my heartbeat
if you feel me falling with someone new
it's not because i love him
it's because you're not there to catch me if i fall
if you feel lost, i too am nowhere
i too, don't know where i'm going
are we gonna cross each other's path?
or just completely turn around?
will we just let go of what we had?
or go to the place where love is bound?
don't let me walk with him
it's you i want to walk with
don't let me talk to him
it's you i want to talk with
don't let me fall for him
it's you i want to fall in love with


untitled (boy version)

when you thought i wasn't brave enough to walk beside you
i was behind you every step of the way
still filled with awe
because of the beauty that stands before me
when you thought i ws too deaf to hear your heartbeat
i didn't want to assume anything
and i was afraid to lose our friendship
when you thought i wasn't there to catch you
it was because you never gave me the chance
you nevr reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch
if you feel like you are nowhere, i too am lost
i too don't know where the road is going
are we just going to turn around?
or are we gonna cross each other's path?
will we just let go of what we had?
or go to the place where love is bound?
don't let me walk alone
i want to walk by youR side
don't let me talk of someone else it's you i want to talk with
don't let me fall for someone else
it's you i want to fall in love with
- n|x - was loved at 7:59 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~



untitled
hardest things in love:

01. flashing your smile to someone you don't want to see.
02. bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget.
03. showing that you care.
04. finding a way to mend a broken heart.
05. learning that you've been used by someone u truly love.
06. saying "i love you" when you mean it and when you don't.
07. letting go of a person you've just learned to love.
08. realizing that you love somebody you've just taken for granted.
09. realizing that you love the person you've just broken up with.
10. waiting for promises you know she or he'll never keep.
11. saying your love for someone who loves somebody else.
12. reminiscing the good times u shared together.
13. shielding your heart to love somebody.
14. trying to hide what you really feel.
15. having a commitment w/ someone that you know would not last.
16. trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.
17. sharing the ! one you love w/ someone else.
18. loving a person too much.
19. giving up someone you never thought of giving up.
20. falling in love for the first time.
21. loving someone you haven't seen.
22. having the right love at the wrong time.
23. exerting effort to make the relationship last or work.
24. not being appreciated when you know you've given your best.
25. taking the risk to fall in love again.
26. hiding your relationship from someone else.
27. controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend.
28. choosing between 2 persons whom you really love.
29. finding out that you can never have the person you just let go of back.
30. seeing the person you love with someone else.
31. learning that the person who claimed to have loved you so much never really cared.
32. seeing the one you love fall for someone else.
33. falling for your best friend and knowing that things can never be the same again.
34. learning to trust aft! er you have been burned.
35. accepting that it was not meant to be.
36. smiling when all you want to do is cry.
37. falling and knowing that it can never be.
38. not being able to love the person who truly cares for you.
39. saying that you can never love a person the way he loves you.
40. hearing that he can never love you the way that you love him/her.
41. saying that you are over someone you still love.
42. being friends again and learning to let go of each other coz you both know it is better that way.
43. convincing oneself that you are not in love when you know that you are.
44. having to let go because you know that he/she deserves someone else.
45. trying not to remember how perfect everything used to be.
- n|x - was loved at 7:58 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~



Mush

MUSH ALERT

Its Valentines Day. Allow me to be mushy, even for just a day. Hehe.
If you have a weak, cynical heart, skip this.
If you feel like relinquishing the day of hearts, read on.

Random mushy stuff. . .some of these are my favorites. Hehe.:

Everyone falls inlove once, but that's not true. Everytime I hear your voice I fall in love all over again.

The space between your fingers were created so that another person's fingers could fill them in...Hope you found your dream hand to hold on forever!

Love isn't about "It's your fault", but "I'm sorry". Not "where were you", but "I'm right here". Not "how could you", but "I understand". Not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are".

"I don’t need marijuana I don’t need cocaine, your presence is enough to drive me insane. Can’t stay straight, don’t know what to say and I just get through my hopeless addiction to you…"

What if the person you secretly love tells you that he/she already found one that he/she would like to spend forever with? Would you be brave to ask who it is, or bear the pain inside, not knowing it’s you after all.

sbe ko nung umalis ka, “kaya ko to.” Sbe ko nung magmahal ka ng iba, “pkelam ko?” sbe ko nung naging kayo, “bsta, masaya ko.” Sbe nmn sken ng puso ko… “kaw xe mapride, dpat pinaglaban mo…”

madalas kong icpn kung san ko ba ilulugar sarili ko sayo… o kung may lugar pa ba… kapag bibitaw na ko, drating ka at pinaparamdam mo na nanjan ka pa. O ngyn, darating ka pa ba? O bibitaw na ko…?

alala mo date, dba umiyak ako, sbi mo, TAMA NA, ANDTO NAMAN AKO, DI KTA IIWAN, ngayon umiiyak nanaman ako, sbi mo, TAMA NA, MKAKALIMUTAN MO DIN AKO..

ders a time in ur life wen u wonder if u hav the strength to wait for the right 1, but den b4 u know it, sum1 comes along & changes ur life & den u catch urself saying "damn.. ur worth the wait.."

i can never tell who i would fall inluv with.. i can never know how, wen & wer i wud fall, BUT if i can chus who, how, wen & wer id fall, id chus to fall diply inluv with u, here & now..Ü


if only u knew da efect u hav on me, ur mere glance is more than enuf to last 4 a day, i hope u dont notice, i hope u dont see, i cant let u know dat ur the weakness in me..

Head or Heart?
"The brain is put on top of everything else for a reason...
even if we love someone, it doesn't mean that it would be
right to keep on loving them for the wrong reasons."

*Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the rise worthwhile.

*The day that we first met, the angels whispered, 'Perfect!'.

*As I gaze upon your beauty, I think to myself, never have I seen an angel fly so low...

"Someone has stolen my heart... and you are my prime suspect.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
~Bible I Corinthians 13:4-8

Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine,
Love, thou art every day my Valentine! ~ Thomas Hood

Tomorrow is Saint Valentine’s day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.
~William Shakespeare (Hamlet)

In our life there is a single color, as on an artist`s palette,
which provides the meaning of life and art.
It is the color of love.
~Marc Chagall

Love is the only gold.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. ~ William Shakespeare

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. ~ Aristotle

Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be. ~ Robert Browning

I love you not only for what you are,
but for what I am when I am with you. ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways ... I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Your words are my food, your breath is my wine, You are everything to me. ~ Sarah Bernhardt

The greatest thing you ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
~Nat King Cole

There is no remedy for love but to love more. ~ Thoreau

Come live with me, and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove,
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods or steepy mountain yields.
~Christopher Marlowe

Doubt that the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love. ("Hamlet") ~ William Shakespeare

Life is the flower for which love is the honey. ~Victor Hugo

Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score;
Then to that twenty, add a hundred more:
A thousand to that hundred: so kiss on,
To make that thousand up a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh, as when we first begun.
~Robert Herrick

I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. ~ W.B. Yeats

If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. ~Unknown

Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. ~Rosemonde Gérard

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
~ Charlie Brown

Love is not blind -- it simply enables one to see things others fail to see. ~Anonymous

The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
~Victor Hugo

For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have.
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.
~Sophocles

All you need is love. ~John Lennon

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more. ~Erica Jong

Love is eternal -- the aspect may change, but not the essence There is the same difference in a person before and after he is in love as there is in an unlighted lamp and one that is burning. The lamp was there and was a good lamp, but now it is shedding light too, and that is its real function. And love makes one calmer about many things, and that way, one is more fit for one's work. ~Vincent Van Gogh

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. ~ George Sand

Of all the earthly music, that which reaches farthest into heaven is the beating of a truly loving heart. ~Henry Ward Beecher
The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.
~George Moore

Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction.
~Antoine de Saint Exupery

Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.
~William Shakespeare

To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.
~Anna Louise Strong

The simple lack of her is more to me than others' presence.
~Edward Thomas

Who, being loved, is poor?
~Oscar Wilde

Love is the beauty of the soul.
~Sainte Augustine

We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end.
~Benjamin Disraeli

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
~Judy Garland

Love is missing someone when you are apart, but somehow feeling close inside because you're close in heart.
~Kay Knudsen

Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
~Margery Williams The Velveteen Rabbit

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world
~Unknown

Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves.
~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

If you have it (love),
you don't need to have anything else.
If you don't have it,
it doesn't matter much what else you do have.
~Sir James M. Barrie

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
~William Shakespeare

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
that word is love.
~Sophocles

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
~The Bible : 1 Corinthians

Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists. When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence.
~Goncourt

You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.
~author unknown

Love enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the palm of you partner's hand, knowing they will be handled with care.
~Carl S. Avery

Life began after I fell in love with you ~B. Hodge


- n|x - was loved at 7:46 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Sunday, February 13, 2005



The moment I heard this, I told myself. . .
"This is my song."

You First Believed
by Hoku

How many times did I pray
You'd find us
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace

So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

There were times
When I thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star

The past 36-or-so hours seemed like a lifetime to me.

I

I was dying.

All that preparation for the prom would have been a whole lot more enjoyable if only tests and schoolwork didnt get in the way. I went all the way to Laguna to fit my dress thrice and I slept at 12 o clock the whole week. And dammit, that drained the life out of me. =o

I was eager.

As the actual day of the prom came, I realized OMG. PROM NA. All those months of thinking of the perfect dress, the perfect look, the perfect venue, the perfect time, the perfect date, the perfect night. . .were about to become a reality.

Except that. . .everything wasnt so perfect.

I was gay. . .for a moment.

When I woke up yesterday, I didnt feel the prom-fever yet. But as the day progressed, thats when it really hit me.

I arrived at Dusit at around 1:30. It was early so we decided to go to Glorietta and look for Davids Salon already since I had an appointment there. As I entered the salon, this gay guy, who looked like the half-brother of Sir Pornelius and Sir Alfer, greeted us and it turned out that he was the head makeup artist there. The fact that he was gay made me nervous coz I feared the dreaded oh-my-god-I-look-gay look. Hear this: he shaped my eyebrows –which I think was stupid of me to agree with him in the first place- put concealer all over my face till my shoulders –which was okay- and I was even feeling awkward coz this gay guy was touching my uh, shoulders, and uh, the skin below them, but when he said – Baka akalain ng tatay mo kung ano ginagawa ko ha, Diyos ko. . .- in a really gay manner, I was comforted by the confirmation that he was really gay. So anyway, I was showing him this pic in this mag for my desired makeup, but then, to cut the long story short, I ended up looking gay. Yes. The oh-my-god-I-look-gay look was staring me at the eye as I looked at the mirror. Ask Marie, Lav, and Jeanne. I didnt look like me. At all!

What made that experience more horrible was that, Marco and David were in the same salon! And they saw me! With my gay look! But wait. . .not only that, Ferdi and Boggs came strutting in the salon too! You should have seen my reaction when I saw them walk in. Lol. It was horrifyingly nerve-wrecking. But nonetheless, I just laughed it off. Hehe. I was fortunate enough to have talked to this other makeup girl in the same salon, coz she repaired my spiritually damaging makeup. Though the end result wasnt what I really expected it to be, at least I looked decent. Decent, being, a notch higher than the oh-my-god-I-look-gay look. =P

I was ecstatic.

From the salon, we decided to walk to our hotel room in Dusit. As we entered the front lobby, we could already see a lot of people in their gowns and suits. It was around 6:15 already and we werent even dressed yet, so we were starting to panic. As we entered room 1040 on the 10th floor, Lorenzo, Serge, Romeo, Poch, and Marge were already there. Wala pa rin palang nakabihis. Lol. So we all dressed up at the same time. I found the whole scene funny actually, coz there was even an instance when Poch had to go out the bathroom with a towel covering his eyes coz he had to pass through the room where we were dressing up. Hehe. But as I was scanning through the scenario, I felt ecstatic. Coz the prom was only a few minutes away.

I was panicking.

Believe it or not, my dress got ruined! My dress was simple but had this complicated design. Some stitches at the side where some of the pleats were supposed to be were, well, unstitched! And so, it was a good thing I brought a couple of safety pins with me –they saved my life!- and my Mom was able to fix my dress more or less. It didnt look as nice as it had looked originally, but it wasnt that obvious, so I decided to shrug the whole thing of.

I was amazed.

Everyone looked great! All the girls looked glammed up and the guys looked like businessmen-wannabes. There were those who stood out, and there were a few who strained my eyes, but nonetheless, almost everyone was at their best last night.

I was guilty.

I ended up breaking someones night. I think I got a couple of someoneS frustrated. Knowing that someone was badtrip coz of what you did would make you feel badtrip as well. I knew I had to make up for it. And so I did what I had to do. I knew agreeing with them in the first place was wrong –I realized that when it was already too late- and things got all screwed up. I also knew that I just had to make things work, and fortunately, things went my way. And hopefully, they felt the same way. =O

I was having fun.

All that dancing added more sparkle to the night. I was hesitant to dance at first coz of my Über long dress, but when Charles dragged me along, I decided make my night something to not be regretful about.

When the slow songs started playing, I rushed back to where I was seated. The first song cringed my heart.

CRAZY FOR YOU.

That started the whole thing for me.

I had already made agreements with guy friends that Id dance with them, but I only ended up dancing with 3 guys.

And it turned out that. . . they were enough to make my night.

I was. . .asking for more.

BITIN. Sobrang bitin ng 4 hours. It all happened so fast. Before I knew it, it was already ending. And so. . . I was asking for more.

I was crazy. . . for a night.

I did things I never imagined myself doing. . .ever. I went beyond my normal goodie-goodie self and decided to make that night something Id really remember forever. At first, I thought we would end up playing Monopoly the whole night –or should I say, morning- I actually think our guy friends were sort of watching over us as we were walking through Greenbelt. We entered these bars, and believe me, it was actually a first for me to see people that crazy. We were about to lose hope, but it must have been a blessing in disguise for we crossed paths with 2 guys who saved our after-prom.

We ended up going to V Bar? Basta. That bar. Lol. I was really, really, really feeling guilty at first. It felt as if I was committing a grave sin. Really. But I think my inner Ariean –or Arian- crawled out of its den last night. I was braver than ever. Haha. I swear. I felt free. And I felt secure. AND I had fun. Lots of it. Thanks to the people I was with for those few bittersweet hours.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

=D
- n|x - was loved at 9:21 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Tuesday, February 08, 2005


Weird.

Song playing in the background: Wonderwall by Oasis ;)

Its been a few days since I last wrote anything here
I haven’t been writing in my own journal either.
I was either too tired. . .too bored…too pissed. . . too happy. . .or too busy.
Now would probably be the appropriate time for me to post something here. . .coz Im actually tired-bored-pissed-happy-busy all at the same time.
Possible?
To me it is.
Add to that the feelings of confusion and anticipation.


Ive always contradicted myself.

For example, I am oftentimes the one people go to for advice. But then, when Im the one whos faced with a problem, I fail to let my psycho-analytic abilites work. More often than not, I am at a loss for words when I talk to myself. There are nights when I feel this need to just intentionally bump my head onto the wall to let the answer just pop in my head. But, too bad for me, all I get from doing that is a nauseating pain in the brain. . .so I wouldnt advice that to someone whos in dire need of answers. . .


Like me.

Song: Mata – Mojofly

Random thoughts and rantings:

- I love opm. Not the otso-otso kind of opm. But the rivermaya kind of opm. =)

- My head is aching again. I hate our bus. We pay P5000+ every month, and I still get headaches from the lousy non-existent airconditioner, the uncomfortable front seat, and the overly-exposing window. Geez.

- Im CHEAP. Yes I am. My friends once teased me about being –high in demand, and low in price- Lol. But this time, by cheap, I mean. . . im easy to please. Obviously, my simple joys are exactly what they are. Simple. =)

- I love my brothers. I wouldn’t trade them for anyone else. =D -. . .but maybe Ill consider adopting Celines kuya or Ferdis. . .or rather, Ryans younger brother. Lol.-

- Ive been eating like crazy for the past 2 weeks. So much for looking s-e-x-y during the prom. Wehe.

- im limiting myself to a maximum of 30 minutes of chatting-time. =P

- I slept at 12 oclock last night. . . and the other night. . .and the night before that. . . in short, I NEED SLEEP! =o

- I hate this week. LONG TESTS AND QUIZZES pare. Have mercy. . .

- Not all couples are freakishly annoying. PDA isnt that bad after all. As long as the affection stays cute and innocent. Hehe. Like one couple I know. . . who still refuse to admit that theyre a couple. But I guess thats whats best for them. I mean, its working right? So theres no need for them to add more pressure. Nevertheless, Im glad you guys found each other. . .at last. ;)

- I know someone whos totally IN LIKE with someone else. =)) Its suuuuper obvious, but she refuses to admit it. The mere fact that she blushes everytime I tease her about it is an indication that she really likes him. Hehe. Now Ive got proof that opposites do attract. Who knows? Maybe hes long been eyeing you too. =P

- Pre-valentines fever is on. Eeeek. . .

- Oh. . . cool. I just typed –eeek- which implies that some of my cynical friends have rubbed off some of their cynicism ? on me. Hehe.

- Im not mushy.

- Im not a cynic.

- Im just being a realist. =)


Song: Bad Day – Fuel


Bad Day.
No, I didnt have a bad day.
But. . .

Never mind.

If I continue that thought, Id be letting you in my deepest, darkest secret.
Uh, maybe not the deepest and darkest. . .
But its a secret thats no longer a secret.
Coz, unluckily for me, he found out about it. . .
And I confirmed it with him.


So much for keeping it a secret.
But still. . .
It shall remain a secret.
Coz –we- can never be.

That adds to the confusion all the more. =o

Song: This is the last time – Keane – Hopes and Fears

This is the last time. . .

. . .that ill regret.
The whatcouldhavebeens and the whatmighthavebeens. . .
Ill just let things unfold as they come near me.
I wont rush.

This time I wont. . .

Ill let them wait.

If theyre good enough. . .if they deserve it. . . theyll wait.

If they don’t. . . then its not meant to be.

Too bad for them. . .

. . . and probably, for me too.

- so easy to fall for. . . so easy to get over. . .-

this is probably how they saw me.
Well, thats how I see myself now at the least.


They trip.
They fall.
They fall hard.

. . .right under my nose.
And I am dragged under with them.

But then. . .

after a few cuts and bruises,
a few tears and sobs,
a few disappointments and hurts. . .
a few walls and hurdles. . .

they give up and turn back.

They either just turn tail or run amok.
But either way. . . they run. . .away from me.

They hold their tongue about it.
And thats what sucks.
Big time.

Just when I start meeting them in the eye. . .
Thats when they decide to look away.

This would be a cock and bull story if I say that I dont get bruised in the process.
But what can I do?
Theyll leave that mark in me.
And too bad for them. . .
Coz that mark shall forever remain in me.

WHAT THE HECK AM I SAYING?
Am I pathetic or what?
Hehe.

Wala lang.

Its just that. . .

I realized a lot of things.


And I hope they did too. . .


And if youre willing to wait. . .
Youre not alone. Coz I too have long been waiting.

=))

-okay, anyone can slap me now. Lol. -

Countdown:

1 day – till the 3rd fitting of my dress

1 day – till Annas birthday

2 days – till I actually get my dress

4 days – TILL THE PROM!!!!!!!! =O

6 days – till dooms day. Hahaha. . .

10 days – till Kens birthday

13 days – till Niños birthday

20 days – till Awies birthday

1 month – till Danielles birthday

1 month and 21 days? – till MY 17th birthday =D
- n|x - was loved at 6:11 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


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