Friday, April 29, 2005


Tell Me Where It Hurts
"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken. For the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing"

New favorite song! It's sad, but true.
I want their albums too! :/

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MYMP - Tell Me Where It Hurts

Why is that sad look in your eyes
Why are you crying?
Tell me now, tell me now
Tell me, why you're feelin' this way
I hate to see you so down, oh baby!

Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do

[CHORUS:]
Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make the tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts
Now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

Where are all those tears coming from
Why are they falling?
somebody, somebody, somebody leave your heart in the cold
You just need somebody to hold on, baby
(Give me a chance)
To put back all the pieces
Take hold of your heart
Make it just like new
There's so many things that I can do

[Chorus]

[Instrumental]

Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do

[CHORUS]

Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me baby
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make the tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts
Now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh, and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away
- n|x - was loved at 7:20 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Thursday, April 28, 2005


Happy with or without you.
Im very proud of myself right now.

I slept at around 2am this morning.
Surprisingly, I mustered enough energy to read through our MSA science handouts last night. (n.e.r.d. alert! lol)
But to no avail, the science part of the dry-run exam was relatively easier as compared to the math part. It was grueling I tell you. I probably guessed about 2/5 of the whole Mathematics part. Haha. So much for passing the UPCAT.
I'll take the whole dry-run testing thing more seriously next time. =P

As I was taking the test, I received a text message from a friend.
I opted to wait till I finished the test first before I read it, and so that's exactly what I did.

Hours of painstakingly question-answering later, I excused myself and went to the bathroom to finally read the message.

***
"It's here...talking, flirting, and even trying to kiss...Are you sure it really is the one for you?"
***

I ended up gagging after I read the whole thing.
I was hoping till the last second that I'd find a "hehe" or "just kidding!" at the end.
But I found nothing but pure truth.
I want to thank that friend of mine for sending me that message. He pushed me back to reality.
I choked, not just because I was flabbergasted again, not just because I felt my insides twinge again, not just because I was enclosed in that stuffy comfort room...but because I realized that I needed my brain back.
And no, I didn't feel hurt.
I've been through worse things than that the whole time I've been dealing with it and this one would not get me down.
I'm used to it.
And that was probably the cause of the undesired gagging.
Some people probably will never change.
And it may be one of them.

I don't feel bad. And I'm surprised by the fact that I'm not.
I actually feel sorry for it.
He'll wont get anywhere if he keeps this up.
And if he decides to hang on, I'll be more than happy to welcome him with open arms, then maybe he can make me his reason to change.
But if he chooses to keep on acting like the sweet jerk that he is, then Ive got no other choice but to walk out the door.
Besides, it'll be his loss, not mine. =P

-------------------------------------

I'm too happy to even think about the not-so-important stuff.

I passed by Zobel again after lunch, and I actually saw it myself in living color.
Imagine being...Margaret (of Hiram, yes, that soap opera, lol) and seeing the love of your life, Harry by your best friend's arms.
It was err, kinda like that. Ouch?
BUT...
I was surprised by how I acted again, coz I actually smiled...I didn't care...I actually didn't care.
I didn't make such a big fuss out of it, so good for me, right?

Anyway, moving on to more fun stuff... hehe...
So I went to Town with:
Couple #1: Awie and Tom
Couple #2: Lav and Rocky
(Almost) Couple #3: PY and Pedro (our MSA loveteam! yihee! :D)
and this time, I didn't have IC all to myself, lol, coz Jeanne joined in.

We ate lunch and then headed to the cinemas to try to decide on what movie to watch.
Choices:
a) XXX 2 (which stars that guy from Anaconda =/ how dare they replace Vin Diesel!)
b) The Interpreter (we didnt feel like watching something serious...)
c) Could This Be Luv? (Hero & Sandara forever! Lol. Eek)
So obvious naman kung ano yung papanoorin namin diba?
Syempre Could This Be Luv!
Lol.

But no, we weren't that pathetic. Hehe.
So we decided to just follow IC, PY, and Pedro and go bowling with them!
The last time I went bowling was like, 10 years ago!
I used to go bowling with my Tita back when I was seven and I remember getting a few strikes back then.
But guess what? I suck more now that I'm 10 years older. Haha.
The balls seemed to love the gutter, but we eventually got a hang of it.
I even wounded myself on my last...turn? strike? what do you call it? haha.
Oh, and Jeanne and I had to buy socks too. We wanted to save money, so we opted to buy cheaper socks at South. =))
Jeanne actually won the game, Awie came in second, and yes, I was last. Haha.
But it was fun. And I was improving.
So if anyone out there is up for a bowling game, I challenge you! Lol.

(Isn't it obvious that I'm happy with all the "haha's" and "Lols" :D)

The others had to go a few hours after, so only Awie, IC, and I were left.
Awie and I had to torture IC a few minutes more coz we decided to try on clothes and bikinis!
My mom never allowed me to buy one, so if ever that trip to the beach pushes through, I'd have to buy a pair of bikini myself.

After that, nagpa-neoprint pa kaming tatlo.
You'd think that only grade schoolers do that, but since IC has never had a neoprint, we thought that maybe it'd be fun to have a few small, sticky, pics taken.
And indeed, those few minutes of smiling, posing, jumping, laughing, and projecting proved to be the fun-nest moments of the day.

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Probably no one has got enough patience to read my blog till this part, hehe.
It's just fun to recount the smiles and laughs you had the whole day.
If I were the Nikki I was a year ago, I'd probably be sighing my way to freakingly-sad-o-land.
But I'm proud to be the person I am now...

Coz I'm happy...with or without him. ;)
- n|x - was loved at 10:33 PM
[link to post] [4 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Wednesday, April 27, 2005



Learn from the mistakes of others. You cant make them all yourself.
-Quoted by Usher, Confessions

Yea, that hottie's (aka Usher) right.

Mistake No. 1:
We've seen other people jump off crazily from the cliff. But no matter how stupid we think they are, our undying curiousity always seems to get the best of us, and we jump off right with them.
The rewards and costs that come with the thrill of pushing ourselves to our limits are the things that we've got left to handle.
Some people opt to watch from afar as people deal with their own share of crap in this world.
The more caring ones bother to grab them by the arm, and remind them that it isnt worth it.

Mistake No.2:
We may have heard of people who who decide to hide behind the lies and hope that the mask they put on would work for them.
Unfortunately, once they actually decide to show their faces, the people whom they thought they already knew, turn their backs at them in the blink of an eye.
If they're lucky enough though, they'd find real friends (who are rare nowadays) who would be willing to see through them and embrace their whole being.

Mistake No.3:
What is wrong with having to like someone who was someone else's "someone" in the past?
We already know of the fact that among the millions of people in this world, we can actually only choose from a small number of legit and available searchees like ourselves.
And I dont think we always have to have the notion that just because you are now someone's interest, it doesnt mean that you're just a rebound or a second choice.
After all, change is the only permanent thing in this world, and if there's one thing that is absolutely susceptible to change...its our emotions.
No matter how untangible they may seem, we more or less have a picture of whom that organ inside our chest is "pumping" for.
So I think many people are mistaken when they think that you are less than the person he or she once had feelings for, because in fact, i think you are better...way better.

Mistake No. 4:
I'm sure girls know of this blunder that guys often commit.
Whenever a guy decides to court a girl, they usually are at their best.
They show you how much of a gentleman they are, how they are nice, sweet, caring, thoughtful, generous, smart...and all those other adjectives girls usually look for in their boyfriend-to-be.
But I think guys should know better than to just be that "good guy".
If you want her to really know you, show him the whole you, not just the bright, goodie-goodie part.
She should end up liking you for who you really are, not for the person she thought you were.
And besides, if you have enough courage to show the other part of you, the real you, I'm sure she'll love you not just because of who you are, but even despite of all the things you're not. Now that's real...
- n|x - was loved at 12:38 PM
[link to post] [2 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Tuesday, April 26, 2005


Guide to Politically Correct Guys
Guide to Politically Correct Guys

He is not quiet; he is a Conversational Minimalist.

He does not have a fabulous rear end; he has achieved Buttocks Perfection.

He is not stupid; he suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

He does not get lost all the time; he discovers Alternative Destinations.

He is not balding; he is in Follicle Regression.

You do not buy him a drink; you initiate an Alcohol-For-Conversation Exchange.

He does not fart and belch; he is Gastronomically Expressive.

His jeans are not too tight; he is Anatomically Undercirculated.

You do not kiss him; you become Facially Conjoined.

He is not a cradle robber; he prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

He does not act like a total ass; he develops a Case Of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.

He is not short; he is Anatomically Compact.

He does not have a rich daddy; he is a Recipient Of Parental Asset Infusion.

He does not have a hot body; he is Physically Combustible.

He is not unsophisticated; he is Socially Malformed.

He does not eat like a pig; he suffers from Reverse Bulimia.

He is not a sex machine; he is Romantically Automated.

He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has Swine Empathy.

You do not undress him with your eyes; you have an Introspective Pornographic Moment.

He is not afraid of commitment; he is Monogamously Challenged.
- n|x - was loved at 11:57 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~



Dogs and Men
Dogs and Men

You be the judge. :D

How Dogs and Men Are the Same

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

How Dogs Are Better Than Men

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas (OK, really, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you). 10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
- n|x - was loved at 11:23 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Saturday, April 23, 2005


cracking the code
Doesnt it just suck when the truth...sucks?

Breaking a cold hard fact to someone you care for is as good as throwing a pie to his face.
It may seem effortless to those heartless, unfeeling, snobbish people who dont care...but Im not one of them.
It definitely isnt something I was born to do...and Im quite feeble when it comes to expressing what's going on inside my mind, so I sure need a lot of luck if I want to pull this off.

I hope it's not gonna be something I'll regret in the future.
Being the typical Arian that I am, Im sure Im gonna feel a pang of guilt after this is all over.
But I've reached a dead end, and I dont want it to get any worse than it already is.
I dont want to keep pushing myself in the direction of the towering brick wall anymore, coz Im obviously getting nowhere.
As to spare everyone else of the wretched pain of waiting, and waiting, and waiting...I believe its time to finally come to a conclusion.

Im not sure if Im 100% ready though.
I never am...and I guess I never will be.
But Ive got no other choice but to utter the truth.

The freakin' truth.
Grrr...
What can be nastier than that?

I hope its taken the right way.
I hope no grudges are held against me.
I hope I dont end up blabbing about things that would make the cut even deeper.
I hope the past doesnt haunt me.
I wish I stop tossing and turning in bed at night while thinking about what to say.
I wish I can pull this off.
I just wish the truth wasn't so freakin'...hard.

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- n|x - was loved at 10:58 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Thursday, April 21, 2005


shit.
I've been numb since Tuesday...really numb.
You know that smiley in YM that goes like this--> = ? That's me.
I don't know why I feel guilty whenever my face muscles stretch to a smile.
It's probably because I know that in the midst of what my friend is going through at present, I have no right to smile.

They'll be back by tomorrow.
I'll probably visit St. James on Sunday.
I don't exactly know what I'm gonna do when I arrive there.
I'll most likely just head towards my friend's direction, hug her, and cry with her.

She's trying her best to stay strong.
She and her whole family are still in my prayers.

-----------------------------------------

It's nice to know that despite all the crap in this world, there are still reasons for us to smile.
There are still those people who manage to lift our spirits up, and thank God for them.
There are still those people, regardless of the fact that they just made you curse a whole lot beforehand, who manage to pick up the pieces of your core and put them all back together.
There are still those people who even with all their weaknesses, deal with their problems head on...and drag you with them to the finish line.
There are still those people...
and of course, there's still that one person...who remains damned till this very minute.
Thank God.

------------------------------------

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- n|x - was loved at 4:55 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Wednesday, April 20, 2005


marge
I dont really know what to say here.
All I know is that Marge's family needs our prayers.

When I first heard about it, I didnt know the gravity of what had happened.
I kept on praying and hoping that things would be better...but it turned out that God had other plans.

It would be wrong to tell Marge "I know how you feel...", coz in fact, I dont.
Many of us may have cried, doubted, questioned, felt bitter, depressed...but none of it can be compared to what she and her whole family may be feeling right now.

I've always admired Marge for her courage...and I look up to her all the more now.
She's being very strong.
She has to.
And I just hope that she holds on.

Im always at a loss for words when things like this happen coz it seems like no words would be appropriate to console those who are directly affected.
When someone feels that much pain, I think that only prayers...and presence perhaps, are the only things that one can offer.
No need for explanations, lectures, and advices.
You just have to let that person know that you're there for her, and that you feel her pain.

I couldnt help my tears from falling whenever I read Marge's emails.

My dad and sister passed away. When my dad arrived in the hospital he had already lost a lot of blood. He passed away at 12 nn. The incident happend around 9:30 am. My sister passed away around 8 pm. They said that she had been stabbed at the pancreas so it was fatal.. I don't really want to give the details. I don't really know either. I only found out about both of them at about 1:30am. They didn't want to tell me. They wanted my relatives to arrive and be the ones to tell us.

There are so many thoughts going in my head right now. And so many emotions. depressed. bitter. confused... i don't really want to go into it. But I'm trying to be strong. I have to be strong for the sake of my Mom who is in the ICU. She is still in a critical state. She can talk but is very weak. PLEASE please pray for my Mom that she recovers quickly. Please also pray for the souls of my Dad and MiaThere are so many thoughts going in my head right now. And so many emotions. depressed. bitter. confused... i don't really want to go into it. But I'm trying to be strong. I have to be strong for the sake of my Mom who is in the ICU. She is still in a critical state. She can talk but is very weak. PLEASE please pray for my Mom that she recovers quickly. Please also pray for the souls of my Dad and Mia
-----------------------------------------

I just pray, O Lord, that you bless Tito Bong and Mia.
I know that they're already with you, God.
May they continue to look upon their family, and may you bless their souls.

I pray, O God, for Tita Vivian's speedy recovery.
May you grant her the courage to live for the sake of her family and for everyone else who loves her.
I also pray that Marge, and the rest of her family, manages to muster enough strength to get through everything that has happened.
May justice be done, O God, and we pray that nothing like this would happen again.

We may not understand the things that have been happening, but we surrender to your will, O Lord.

----------------------------------

Marge's family will be leaving for Manila this friday to arrange the wake and burial. According to her, the wake will probably be from Saturday-Monday in Alabang, probably in St.James.

Let's continue praying for their family. They need our prayers.
- n|x - was loved at 8:27 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Tuesday, April 19, 2005


class
My New Class

SENIOR-G

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I have to admit that Im not very..."excited" about my new section.
I mean, no offense to my CLASSMATES, hehe, but I guess I'm just missing my old friends.
It kinda sucks that everyone else in my barkada and all my other close friends are in all the other sections except G.
The chances of us being together in one class was slim to start with, but I didnt think it would be this disappointing.

But what the heck, this is gonna be my last year in high school.
Im sure Im gonna learn to love this bunch of people.

SENIOR-G

Im starting to like it already. ;)

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- n|x - was loved at 3:57 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Monday, April 18, 2005


Crash
"Some people fall in love...I had to crash into it."

It's amazing how you can feel two contrasting emotions at the same time.
It probably can be compared to those feelings you get whenever you eat a slice of chocolate cake.
You indulge in the luscious taste of every bit of the cake, but with every bite, you feel this awful guilt...coz you know it aint good for you.

When someone told me, "Be careful what you wish for...you just might actually get it," I should've listened.
What freakin' sucks more, it that fact that that "someone" was...me.

No one believes in it...and I dont blame them for being non-believers.
It's pretty understandable why they doubt something this...deviant...weird...complicated.
Even I still dont get why this is all happening.
Why the hell would things suddenly go my way?
At this rate, it seems like my fairy godmother is on a roll. Her magical wand must be exhausted from granting all my wishes. Some were even magically granted...without me wishing for them.
If I were Cinderella, I'd be gloriously dancing around with my glass slippers, celebrating.
But the problem is this...

"Alam mo ang problema mo kung ano?"
"...ano?"
"Takot kang maging masaya..."

That hit me hard. Real hard.
Coz he was probably right.
Some people enjoy being at the top. They enjoy the view and relish every moment while the wind kisses their faces.
Other people opt to close their eyes, with their hearts pounding like crazy, as overwhelming fear swallows them whole.
They say when you're at the top, you've got nowhere else to go but down.
I'm not saying that I'm already at the TOP TOP TOP...but like what a friend of mine shared with me before...

"Alam mo yun, yung parang...lahat na lang ng bagay sa buhay mo nagiging tama...Puro na lang maganda nangyayari sayo..."
"...di ba dapat masaya ka nga?"
"Di ko nga alam eh...Natatakot kasi ako. Coz after all those great things that happened to me...you just know something bad is bound to happen..."

And that's probably why I'm doubting again.
Coz Im being a coward, again.
But I know I should give...it...a chance, despite knowing that other people would disagree with me.

"Siya? Sayang ka naman..."
"Bakit ako sayang?"
"Coz you deserve better..."

How could they know?
Who are they to judge?
Shouldnt I know what's good for me?

Damn.
I'm being defensive again.
I believe in it too much.

He better be worth all this...he better be.

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- n|x - was loved at 10:22 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~



random thoughts
Being the "loser" that I am, of course I wasnt able to watch Kitchie and Rivermaya's concert last Saturday. :/
Another wasted opportunity to make "da moves" on my 2394873th boyfriend, Rico Blanco. Lol.

MY song ("Same Ground" by Kitchie Nadal) is already being played on the radio, on tv...everywhere. (angkinin daw yung song, hehe)
It kinda sucks when the song you love crosses over to the "Pop" zone. You start hearing your favorite lines being sung by the tinderas and feeling hip-hoppers in the streets. Not that I have any right to claim the song as my own, but it just sucks when good music is disgraced.

(I searched for "Rico Blanco" in google and I found some pretty interesting pics:
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I went to Lipa, Batangas yesterday, and boy, did my stomach bulge.
Everywhere we went, scrumptious food tried to tempt me (and it won over me most of the time, darn).
So much for trying to lose a few good pounds this summer. :/

----------------------------------------------

We also went to my 2nd cousin's baby's dedication.
The baby's name was "Niel Phenneus" and he was suuuuuuuuuuper cute.
What made me adore the baby even more was his ultra cute giggles. Whenever I approched him and made those "hi baaay-beee *smiles* ang cute cute cute mo naman..*smiles*..hii...*smiles*" lines, he'd smile and giggle like an innocent baby would. You just gotta love 'em.. ;)

Too bad my 2nd cousin (Kuya Ryan) is married now (he's the baby's daddy).
I used to have this crush on him when I was younger.
Yes, I had a crush on my cousin. Lol.
I always thought he was the cutest among all my other cousins (father's side), and well, turns out his wife found that out sooner. Hehe.
He's still young by the way. He's probably not older than 25...but is still moreno, and he still has those semi-chinito eyes and cute smile. (I can't believe I just described my 2nd cousin like that, bwaha)

I also used to have this crush on another cousin (mother's side).
He's ALSO moreno, semi-chinito...and yes, even the smile. And he's also got this oh-so-lovable sense of humor.
But then...he ended up marrying early too.
His girlfriend got pregnant, and well, he was the father. It wasn't planned, so they had to go through a lot before they could finally settle down.
Thankfully, everything was sorted out and their baby's now getting older and prettier by the minute.
I also love my niece's name: "Sophia Francheska" We call her "Pia"
I was actually thinking of naming my own daughter that, but I'm considering "Nicole" now too. Ahehe.

Just imagine...
"Hi! I'm Nicole! You can call me Nikki..."
"Hey Nikki. Is that your mom?"
"Uhh, yea... This is my mom. You can call her...Tita...Nikki?"

Lol.

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My other second cousin (Jessa/Lovely) joined her niece's celebration yesterday too.
She already graduated from High School (even though we're of the same age...grade 7 kasi), and it was nice to see her again.
We used to always "play together" and do all those other stuff normal 7-year-old girls do whenever I visited my Lolo's house in Lipa.
The fact that everyone (the grown-ups especially) gave out those "uy-dalaga-na-sila-oh...dati-naka-panty-lang-sila..ngayon-may-boyfriend-na..." comments, made me realize that I really, really, really am old.
It just gets annoying when all the "oldies" work against you...like when they start teasing you and stuff. Hehe.

Example:
My other 2nd cousin, Precious, walks over to our table to say hi, and then this guy (whom I must admit was cute too, lol) comes over and then Ate Precious introduces him as her boyfriend.
Wow. (Precious is 2 years older than me I think)
My titas started teasing me after that...

"Si Precious oh, may pinapakilala na!"
"Naku, sa susunod, si Nikki na may dalang boyfriend dito..."

Me: :8 "Ngek..." *Laughs* (I just ended up laughing to hide the embarassment...you know how it is in family reunions, lol)

"Paganda pa naman ng paganda si Ate Nikki...pano yan Mommy, baka madami ng boys.." (I liked the first line, lol. But the second line? I was like "What the..?!?!" hahaha)

Me: "Ngek..." *Laughs* (I dont exactly remember if I said "Ngek..." Lol. Basta, I probaby said something to rid myself of the, again, embarassment...Haay)

Mom: "Wala pa yan ipapakilala...namimili pa yan eh..."

WTF?!?!??!

Me: "Weh?! Hindi po..." *Laughs* (Laugh. *argh* Laugh.)

Moms. Geez.
Titas. Waah.

Dont you just hate it when you're the only seventeen-year-old girl in a table full of chismosa mothers?
Lol.

But I am 17 after all.
One more year to go, and I'll turn into a, uhh..*gulp* adult.
Maybe I should start considering whoever it is that I can actually introduce to everyone in my family after all...

(I am such a freak, sorry. Hehe) :D
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- n|x - was loved at 9:58 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Saturday, April 16, 2005


Kada Pix

My barkada...4 years ago! :)

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- n|x - was loved at 12:52 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Friday, April 15, 2005


Riles
I have a few good reasons to feel enraged right now (aka things that make you go "aarrgh...")

- our old PC was reformatted AGAIN and i lost all my files AGAIN!!!!! i should learn how to save my "secret files" in a diskettef from now on. lol.

- i cant find my stupid fone. ive been looking for it for an hour now. :o

- i have turned into a text moron. i just typed "fone" instead of "phone"

- i have to download Yahoo Messenger again. waah.

- no one told me about the SI core's meeting yesterday...just because im ONLY the food & finance assistant head, doesnt mean im of less importance..right? Lol. jk

- i waited for an hour and a half at MSA yesterday after being dismissed... thank God for newspapers and text messaging. I didnt die of boredom...though my head hurt like hell.

- Beau was in the bottom 3 at yesterday's AI. he shouldve gotten more votes! (I kno w it's "Bo" but I like "Beau" better, hehe)

- someone's in the hospital...and its never good when someone's in the hospital. :o

- "LQ" na naman 'rents ko. it's cute sometimes but it can get pretty upsetting most of the time. it's hard having to raise your parents...

- heterogeneous sectioning. not on our last year in high school. :O

- i miss my friends...BIG time!

- i am penniless this summer. i need a job. hehe..

-MSA homeworks + the annoying Math teacher who reminds us of a former classmate (with the grin and all...) >:)

- songs: choopeta? chokolate? and the "ha! ha! ha!" song. lol

- i have 3 long "scratch wounds" within a 2in. radius of my thigh. ouch...

- an error just popped up in this PC. i read it and didn't look english to me...im definitely not a tech-y person. :o

- 1 word: WOWOWEE! >:/

raaar...

icons! :)

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- n|x - was loved at 11:19 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Monday, April 11, 2005


Jesse Metcalfe
IM IN LOVE...yet again.

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This is Jesse Metcalfe...and he is the new love of my life! Lol.
Oprah plays a certain character in "Desperate Housewives" (too bad they dont show it here yet), and so she had the 3 leading men guest at her show.
When they introduced him, my jaw dropped. Literally.
I thought I'd seen him somewhere else...like in my dreams or something.
But no, I'm not that obsessive.
I checked out his filmography and he appeared on Smallville as Van McNulty.
So..that means, he and Tom Welling worked together.

It must be fate.

Lol.

All I know about his character in "Desperate Housewives" is that he plays John Rowland.
He's this gardener who always sneaks in and out of the house he works in coz he supposedly has an affair with one of the "wives" in the show.

I usually "fall in love" with fictional characters in mushy soaps, teen flicks, and other shows with cute, hunky, adorable guys in them...like all the other girls do.
But too bad that's just exactly what they are...fictional.
Let's take Clark Kent as an example.
I've always dreamed of having my own brown-haired, hazel-eyed Superman who'd save me, his damsel in distress, whenever I am in danger.
But I guess that dream would remain a fantasy forever.

Fictional characters are so well-loved coz they seem to epitomize the audiences' ideal person.
Too bad we always have to go a step back and see the whole view of reality.

Anyway, I'm starting to blab again so I better end it there. hehe.
They're right. I never run out of things to type about...or rather, whenever I start talking about something, I always end up branching out from the main topic and heading towards the tiniest details.

I think too much. :o
And sometimes, that's a bad thing.

----------------------------------------------------------

*from a previous post*

- It's true what they say, the eyes really are the windows to one's soul.

- But if you want a simpler definition, take my friend's explanation: "when a guy stares at you straight in the eyes...delight in the moment...drown in his stare...then... use your "hotness" gauge! A guy's eyes can tell a lot, you know!" Lol. I'd have to agree. :P <---especially in Jesse Metcalfe's case. His eyes are just beautiful! Hehe.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A: "I feel like everyday isnt complete then at the end of the day, il just stare at the sky, and wonder.. "what is it that my day's lacking? but i'd never get an answer. malabo lang talaga..."
B: "hmmm..which is better...lacking something OR having something..yet having problems with it?"
A: "parang head or heart question yan eh...if its a hypothetical question, i'd pick the second one"
B: "yea..i guess that's better. but then, pareho lang magulo eh! lol."
A: "kasi, if you really love something (or someone), even if there's rough edges, you'd still find a way to make thigns better"
B: "yea..i guess. it/he/she should be worth the scars..."
A: "yeah.. if it wont be worth it, id rather not forget, but move on with life."
B: "you'd rather NOT forget?"
A: "yeah..id rather not forget about it. because... at sometime, you'll remember it anyway. so what's the use?"

***

A: "that's how i define life. it's weird. Life is weird."
B: "i'd like to define life as the "most bittersweetest" thing ever..."

I couldn't agree more. :)
- n|x - was loved at 10:23 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Saturday, April 09, 2005


The Cruel Algebra of Love
The Cruel Algebra of Love
(excerpt from Chuck Dy's Man about town)

-note: if you're a pessimist, cynic, romantic, sentimentalist, whatever-you-call-it...this is worth reading.-

According to an Internet counter on one website dedicated to roughly estimating the population of the Earth at any given moment, the planet is host to 6,509,409,546 people as of 3:30 pm eastern time, March 29, 2005. This counter increases by around 3 units every second, which means that by the time you finish this sentence, there will be enought humans born in that miniscule duration to form a basketball team.

This raises some interesting points such as, "how do they calculate the birth rate as opposed to death rate to arrive a t 3 people per second?" or "who bothers thinking this crap up?", and most significantly, "who will all these new humans vote for on American Idol?" Tantalizing stuff really.

It also calles into question the validity and romance of the One True Love. Lets do the math.

There are six and a half billion people currently converting oxygen. According to further statistics, three-fifths of the world population is female, meaning you're left with just over two and a half billion men to choose from. Deduct the underage boys and the extremely geriartic, along with the married, the mentally deranged, the Catholic priests, and the criminally violent, and you should be left with about (and Im guessing at this point), a billion.

As an added modifier, lets disqualify that huge chunk of men you will NEVER meet anyway due to geographic, language or time constraints. Finally, from the remaining field of potential suitors, lets remove the gay men. As I can find no resources to estimate this demographic, Im going to say that youve still got a fair amount of straight, nominally sane, sperm producing males left to contemplate, and who may reciprocally consider you as a perfect match.

So you see, the first obstacle of serious consideration towards the possibility of the One True Love is that it literally is a one-in-a-few-million lottery. You have to consider the immense amount of good fortune or, if you believe this sort of thing, destiny involved with finding the perfect match given the sheer magnitude of men out there. Its worse than finding a needle in the haystack; its finding a needle in a stack of needles. A girls got to endure a lot of pinheads and pricks.

---------------------------------------------------------------

When I read that article(which was actually pretty long so I just typed the juicy parts) I ended up saying, "Ah, kaya pala...true...true"

Isnt it funny how freakin twisted things can get in this small world of ours?
A sample scenario woud be like: *inhales* He used to like you but then he ended up liking her instead and then, he on the other hand, has liked you ever since but then he (another he) also likes you too who used to like your friend, who now likes someone else and that someone else happens to like her too, but then he ends up liking you again just when you stopped liking him and just when he started liking her again... *gasps for air* or something like that.

Okay, I didnt get that sentence either.
As to avoid mentioning names or including any details that would jeopardize my lovelife (lol), I opted to state it that way.
But anyway, you get my point right?

Things WILL get crazy, whether you like it or not.
Its either you dont take any chances and end up saying, "I just cant imagine how much I missed coz I was too afraid..." or you take a risk and say, "thats what makes it love...you have to take a risk!"

I have a modified philosophy now.
Theres no such thing as THE ONE.
Only a lot of potential ones.
Chances are, youll end up with ONE who is as brave as you are and who would be willing to fulfill the things that Ely Buendia implies in his oh-so-lovely song, "With A Smile" like "girl, id stay through the bad times...even if I have to fetch you everyday...we;ll get by, with a smile...you can never be too happy in this life..."

Whether you end up with the man of your dreams, your friends ex, your best friend, your ex, another girls suitor, or a member of the same sex (perhaps thats your last option)...as long as he is YOUR perfect match, and you are HIS as well, then the crazy twists you had to go through would be nothing compared to your contentment once you finally find "him".

- n|x - was loved at 2:52 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Friday, April 08, 2005


My "Date"
I had to attend my MSA review class again yesterday.
I could have sworn I left my brain at home that morning, so I was surprised to have seen actual numerals in my seatwork/quiz scores.


I rode with IC to ATC after we were dismissed. Lav rode with him too coz she had to meet her *AHEM* boyfriend (which I assume everyone in school knows by now) in this gym somewhere near Alabang Hills. He just came home from the States by the way (Rox! pasalubong! Lol).

Anyway, IC and I finally arrived in Town. Our already-grumbling stomachs couldn't take the deprivation anymore, so we headed off to the 2nd floor and decided to fill our stomachs with 6-inch sandwiches from Subway. Add to that the freshly-baked cookies (I love 'em!) and the bottomless drink (from which I took a few sips from...I'm prone to diabetes..softdrinks are bad for me..hehe).

We kept on texting Lav and Rocky, coz they were supposed to meet us in Town after we all ate. But then, as hours passed, we decided to just kill time first by walking around the mall (like MSA-students-turned-dazed-mallgoer?) and checking out some stores. We passed by Tower Records, and I was just taken aback by how pathetic OPM has gotten. Err, don't get me wrong. Original Filipino Music ROCKS (most of it)...but then, we can't help but spot a few flaws in the country's music industry right (ex: Andrew E-Bastos Daw, Jacque Esteves- the sexbomb dancer, Rainier Castillo-I love you babe,etc. )?

Anyway, allow me to stray away from my bitchy side (yes, I do have that evil side as well, contrary to what most people think...hehe), and move on to the crazier stuff that happened that day.

Embarassing Moment No. 1:

You know the automatic doors near CPK? The one near the TVs and all those other fancy electronics? Haha. Basta, after having been shoved by the automatic door (I think it actually got to kiss my cheek actually) yesterday, those doors will forever be memorable to me now.

Everything seemed pretty normal as IC and I were walking towards "the doors". I was texting while strutting along, just following IC (who unfortunately turned out to be absent-minded too), when the unexpected (not to mention, EMBARASSING) happened... the automatic door WHICH WAS SUPPOSEDLY WHERE PEOPLE WERE SUPPOSED TO ENTER suddenly closed! Just as IC and I were passing through it! That was the only time we realized that we were passing through the WRONG DOOR! To make things even worse, IC was actually able to successfully walk through the door (before it totally closed) but then he activated the sensors, and the door opened AGAIN, but this time IT HIT ME! Haha. It was a really close call...it was a nearly fatal blow actually. Lol. (Of course, I'm exagerrating) but, really. That was soooooo embarassing coz a couple of guys (CUTE guys..i think) were just a few meters away. Talk about making a grand "entrance!" Lol.

Embarassing Moment No. 2:

So as to get over that embarassment (well not really,we just had to find a way to further kill time), we decided to watch a movie. We were choosing between "Miss Congeniality 2" and "Hide & Seek", and we opted to view the latter.

So we got inside the cinema, chose nice seats and reserved two more for Rocky and Lav. There were a few girls behind us who kept on giggling and screaming the whole time the movie was being shown (IC had his legs up by the way during the movie, masyado ata natakot, he wanted to hold onto my arm pa. lol). The screaming part was because of the movie...and as for the giggling part...well, we found the reason behind the giggles soon after we spotted a couple, err..making out a few seats away from us! Lol.

IC and I had to look back a couple of times, not because we wanted to spy on the "couple-who-needed-a-room", but because we were looking for Lav and Rocky. Our phones both went dead already, and we had no other choice but to keep on looking back.

It wasn't embarassing for us, but I found it embarassing for the couple who smooched and caressed the whole time. Lol. They probably didn't care anyway...Geez.

Well, that's about it.
I had a great time with my fellow MSA-student, though despite the goof-ups. Hehe.
No "Embarassing Moment No.3" for me.
But I'm pretty sure the list is gonna get pretty long this summer. =P


- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ESTELLE! (April 8)Ü -
- n|x - was loved at 7:11 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Wednesday, April 06, 2005


"It" Moves In Mysterious Ways
I set my phone's alarm at 6am.
I woke up at 6am.
I opened my eyes at 6am.
But I stayed in bed till 9:30am. Hehe.

Its one of those days when you'd rather just stay stuck to your bed and stare at the wide, white, ceiling.
I think my body was actually confused, coz I guess it got used to waking up that early.
Ive been waking up at 6am every Tuesdays and Thursdays for the past 2 weeks now coz Im already taking up review classes at MSA (which is hell for me by the way...I never thought having to study everything again could be so...hellish. Hehe)
Anyway, the neighbor's dogs started barking (which pisses me off coz when they bark, they BARK), so that pushed me to get up and fix myself up.

I turned on the TV and saw Nina's video playing.
I think MYMP has a version of this song too.
The first time I heard it on the radio, I thought, "Pang-telenovela 'to ah..."
And well, I wasn't wrong, coz I saw this asian telenovela being plugged on tv with the same song on the background.

But this morning, the whole song seemed different to me when I listened to it again.
Maybe, its because I believe in it now...
"It" does move in mysterious ways.

*Note: Man, this song has a lot of "it" words, but I refuse to type "it". Obviously, my friends' cynicism is contagious. But I consider that a good thing. Hehe.

Who’d have thought this is how the pieces fit
You and I shouldnt even try making sense of it
I forgot how we ever came this far
I believe we had reasons but I dont know what they are
So blame it on my heart oh

IT moves in mysterious ways
Its always so surprising
When IT appears over the horizon
Ill IT you for the rest of my days
But still its a mystery
How you ever came to me
Which only proves
IT moves in mysterious ways

Heaven knows IT is just a chance we take
We make plans but then IT demands a leap of faith
So hold me close and never ever let me go
Coz even though we think we know which way the river flows
Thats not the way IT goes no

Like the ticking of a clock two hearts beat as one
But Ill never understand the way its done oh

"Love moves... in mysterious ways....
- n|x - was loved at 11:29 AM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


Tuesday, April 05, 2005


Taking A Risk
"You miss him, huh? You're lucky. It's harder for me...not having anybody to miss."

- Sometimes, we tend to overlook the special things we have in our life. It's innate for us to always keep on wanting for more and more, that's why we fail to realize that the things that are really important are the things we already have. There's no need for us to look far, coz most of the time, what we've been wanting has always been right beside us...we just failed to see.

Call them "blinding realizations" or "its-about-time-you-got-it-moron", but whatever they are, they sure pushed me to finally do something that's been long overdue: to take a risk.

- Maybe things arent always supposed to be simple. We've all learned to get hurt...and no, it never gets easy. But we hang on nonetheless, right? Why? Coz...we know it's worth it. So perhaps things were made to be hard so we can enjoy the bliss that we'd feel once we reach the finish line.

- He didn't turn out to be the person I thought he was.

- He turned out to be the person I've always wanted...I just never noticed.

- "It may hurt like hell, but pain is inevitable. It'll heal if you choose to."

- Revised version: It may seem impossible to some, but happiness does exist. It'll come if you just wait...or if you're brave enough, you'd search for it yourself.

- "Look at what you've done. It's just a matter of time before you lose what you've won." Karma, pare. Babalik yan sayo.

- There is no shame in asking for help. Most people out there would be more than happy to grab your hand and crack a few jokes or two...even if the whole worlds seems to be gobbling you up alive.

- When you find someone worth wanting, loving, keeping...hold on to him/her.

- Some people lose the right guy...coz of fear of commitment.

- Others marry the wrong man...coz of fear of being alone.

- ...and I'm not about to make the same mistakes they made.

- Life can be tricky at times. There are times when you either have extremely difficult choices or have no choice at all.

- It's true what they say, the eyes really are the windows to one's soul.

- But if you want a simpler definition, take my friend's explanation: "when a guy stares at you straight in the eyes...delight in the moment...drown in his stare...then... use your "hotness" gauge! A guy's eyes can tell a lot, you know!" Lol. I'd have to agree. :P

- Most people get bored reading long, pointless, almost-mushy blogs. So I better end this now...Haha.

- Taking a risk. This is the closest thing to crazy that I'll ever get...but I just know it's gonna be worth it. :)
- n|x - was loved at 3:16 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


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