Sunday, July 31, 2005
wuah.
My life-defining moment...
whas when I heard Dr. Maya Angelou say this on Oprah's show"
"Love Is What Really MattersWhat really matters now is love. Now I don't mean mush, I don't mean sentimentality. I mean that condition in the human spirit so profound that it allows us to rise. Strength, love, courage, love, kindness, love. That is really what matters. There has always been evil, and there will always be evil, but there has always been good, and there is good now."
- n|x - was loved at 1:49 PM
[link to post]
[1 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Strong.
With no light coming from anywhere else, I stare blankly onto the monitor and try to squeeze out every inch of life-lesson Ive learned through time.
For every problem I face, I always try to look for that one, single answer that could be the key to all my burdens.
At times, doing so is as easy as finding the bright, yellow, sun amidst the gloomy skies above.
But more often than not, looking for that answer grows much more painful once we realize that our search is done in vain.
Its like having to find your shadow in the dark night.
Its like having to gasp for air from the deepest part of the ocean.
Its like trying grab hold of the wind.
Its like trying to make your pain go away with your tears.
Its impossible, we think.
Unfair.
Thats what we say.
How couldnt it have turned the way we wanted it to?
Why couldnt have things just been as great as I dreamed them to be?
How come I feel tired of staying strong and trying to understand the reasons behind it all?
Why is it that doubt and confusion overpowers that love that was once there?
There always seems to be an empty space.
And from that emptiness comes the desire to find out what was there before.
There always seems to be that cold and hard heart.
And from that lack of feeling, we think we could numb ourselves from all the confusion.
There will always seem to exist, a dream that will forever be in us.
And from that dream, we try to pull out all our wishes for everything to be right again.
Life probably wont ever get tired of hitting us in the right spot.
It will always find a way to push us down to our knees.
It will always find a way to keep us kissing the ground.
Know that we were born to be hurt.
But also know that we were made to live.
Whatever you go through, all your hardships and pain, theyre part of who you are.
You will always feel the unfairness, and you will always have to fight the feelings of pain.
But dont let those feelings define you.
Only let them make you stronger.
Because thats who you are. Thats what defines you.
Strong.
PS - Thanks for the chocolates. :)
- n|x - was loved at 12:08 AM
[link to post]
[2 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Sabaw
Frek. I forgot what I was supposed to type here. Aack.
Sobrang sabaw na naman ako, hassle. :))
----------------------------
Punta kayo sa YFC High School High Dance Party tom!
Its gonna be at the BF Pque Club House (near Ruins daw) from 6-10 pm.
Its gonna be fun! Tickets are priced at only P50! You can buy em from any YFC core member. ;)
-------------------------
The AP long test was quite easy (its at tests like that that I end up making stupid mistakes).
But it was effing weird how I uh, cried after taking it. WTF.
I was trying to sleep as I rested my head on my folded arms atop the table, when thoughts suddenly invaded my already jaded brain.
I wont expound on the details anymore.
Ill only get in trouble.
Im so sick of it already. So so sick.
-------------------------
Im still halfway through my Ateneo essay.
My thoughts are still all over the place.
I cant seem to put it all together.
The same goes for this thing I call my life. =O
------------------------
You know how we always end up biting our lip our banging our heads (well, not really) at the thought of having done something stupid?
Like for example, having forgotten your phone at home?
Or losing a thousand bucks for no apparent reason?
Or having eaten 7 meals for one single day?
Well, im having one of those moments.
I cant believe these things haunt me even in my dreams.
That feeling you get after having woken up from a nightmare just ruins your day before it even starts.
Good thing Ive still got His number in my head.
I can always count on Him at times like these.
He's had lots of experience.
His death on the cross was caused by how people judged him, and yet he forgave his persecutors.
I am no son of a God, but I guess I can more or less learn how to take it all in.
Hopefully.
Eowww. Drama pare. Umuulan kasi eh. :))
-----------------------
Marc Abaya's married?!?!
Or was Colby just joking around? Lol.
(ahaha!)
I saw Marc (close kami) once in Festi.
I was actually wondering who the topless guy in the stage was.
After a few seconds of abs-admiring, that was when it hit me that this was my 239712389th crush.
Bwaha.
----------------------------
Nostalgia (n.)
A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
-----------------------------
Thank you for helping me become what I wanted me to be. Not what you wanted me to be.
-
No one who has a true friend can ever lose all hope - for no one can feel totally worthless who has worth in another's eyes.
-
Thank you for showing me that being made to look ridiculous isnt the end of the world.
-
Thank you for making me feel better than I really am.
- n|x - was loved at 5:28 PM
[link to post]
[1 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
random thoughts
random notions and icon-flooding
(from someone's MSA notebook daw, hehe)
gago ka pag nagmahal ka ng taong di ka naman mahal,
tanga ka pag di mo nakikita yung gagong nagmamahal sayo
You can't blame gravity for falling in love. -Albert Einstein
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.Author: When Harry Met Sally
---------------------------
Sometimes, I dont know if people like me. . . for me.
Once you let someone enter your heart, no matter what happens, there will always be a single spot in it for him/her.
What the majority wants isnt always whats right.
You know someone's important to you when, no matter how much hurt he or she has caused you, youll keep on loving them anyway.
Words are quintessential.
If you think it, it will be.
It sucks when you cant defend yourself. It sucks even more when you dont even know what youre defending yourself from.
It may be kilig to hear someone tell you that you were in their dreams. But when they refuse to tell you what the dream is about, its a whole different story.
Who among the teletubbies is (are) gay?
When at the brink of embarassment, put your acting skills to use.
Thats precisely why they call them "fairy tales"
Coz you need a fairy for them to come true.
Prince Charming isnt all that.
You also need Prince Sweet, Prince Buffed, Prince Nice-Smile, Prince Smart, Prince Understanding, Prince Funny. . .
- n|x - was loved at 7:20 PM
[link to post]
[0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Tatooed On My Mind
Playing in my head: Tattooed On My Mind by D Sound
Baby youll soon forget about all,
or maybe youll miss it like I do.
One thing's for sure I'm on a doubt,
spend too much time thinkin' of you
Dont wanna write,I dont wanna call,
I would not know what to say
It should be you
That's how I want it to be
Tell me you feel the same way
Oh, yesterday, I was feelin' safe,
oh all I do today is tryin' to be brave
and no melody can seem to suit my mind
and now I curse you for being so sweet and so kind
And I cant get you out of my dreams
Now I know that youre the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
And I cant get you out of my dreams
------------------------------
Im still Ateneo essay-less. =O
Im still waiting for Mr. Inspiration to smack me hard in the face.
Im planning to write about a rather serious/melodramatic topic, so its a good thing the skies are currently crying. The heavens must have heard me when I prayed for a "cozy" weather. I write better when my world is rainy, dark, or hushed. And drama/arte noh? Hehe.
*20 minutes later*
2 paragraphs down! woohoo! Lol.
------------------------------
Someone made kwento about how certain people are mad at a certain someone for something he/she wrote in his/her blog.
Pahamak talaga tong mga online journal na to eh. Nyarr. Hehe.
The certain someone didnt evidently pinpoint who or what he/she was talking about, so the people who read his/her blog ended up assuming.
I am in no position to judge or blame them for that. Its a typical reaction of someone who feels like he is being choked. He will eventually lose his breath and he will be left with no other option but to struggle and fight back.
But on the other hand. . .
thats the problem with having the guts to express yourself. . .
People will, more often than not, take your personality from the words you type.
People will, more often than not, believe what they want to accept as true.
People will, more often than not, disregard your feelings and your own truths for their own sake.
And people will, and always will, judge you whether it be done unintentionally or the other way around.
I just hope that there will come a time, when these very same people, cleanse their minds of all prejudice, prejudgment, and bias and, for once, take the other person's thinking into consideration. I just hope that one day, people will end the suppositions, accusations, and speculations, and just choose to grab the truth as it is duly laid out. I just hope that before anyone even decides to point a finger at another individual, he would remember that the rest of his fingers are pointing back at him.
-------------------------------
This was one of my entries a couple of months ago:
Life is unfair.
Ken's status pokes ones consciousness. Coz the reality of it is too blinding.
Biology defines life as = the metabolic activity of protoplasm. But there are times when it seems even worse than that. Im not miserable. In fact Im a very lucky girl. But whenever I hear about someone elses misery, I tend to carry the burden with him. I just cant seem to NOT CARE. And that’s the bad part. Coz Im always there to give advice, to say this and that, to do these things for that person. . .but I never quite learned how to deal with my own burdens.
Life is never fair.
And perhaps it’s a good thing for most of us that its not.
And we haven’t any other choice right? Unless you want to jump off that 20-storey building and gasp for you last intake of air, you have no other way to go but straight ahead.
Life isn’t always that bad.
The secret of life isn’t just to live.
But to have something worthwhile to live for.
I may be sounding like Sir Cortel now, but thats a fact we all have to accept. What else can we ever want in our lives anyway, but happiness and contentment?
We only live once. . . but if we make the most out of every second of our existence, I think once is enough.
Wow. Im quite impressed by the things I wrote.
Sorta kinda like intellectually-stimulating stuff, huh?
Hay grabe, I "crush" myself. Haha.
Ang labo. =P
-------------------------------
[*Anthology*]
Remember when Ms Caldo asked us to make poems for Filipino?
Wala lang. Im just asking if you guys remember. =P
Araw-Gabi
Sa ilalim ng mga bituin
Nakatitig ako sa langit
Sa langit ng walang-hanggang kalaliman
Maaari kayang ikay nakatingala rin at nag-iisip
Nag-iisip sa kawalan
Ako ang laman ng isipan
Walang ingay
Tahimik
Walang boses
Parang langit
Ikaw lang ang naririnig ko
Pangalan moy sinisigaw ng puso.
Ang gabi y lumalalim
At ikaw ang kapiling
Gawin nating atin ang gabi
Dumaan ang oras, at ang araw ay lumabas
Lumiwanag ang langit, may ilaw, may ngiti
Ang umagay dumating
Ang pagmamahal ay sapitin
Bagong araw ay atin
Nagsumpaan tayong dalawa
Wala ng iba
Kundi ikaw at ako
Ang araw at ang bwan
Araw. . .gabi. . . araw at gabi. . .atin lamang. .
- n|x - was loved at 4:50 PM
[link to post]
[1 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Monday, July 25, 2005
(from Lari's multiply)
In a little home, all alone; there once lived a girl,
beautiful, five feet seven, her hairs had lovely curls.
She loved a guy, more than she ever loved her life,
and waited for the day to be recognized as his wife.
She treated him like a gift sent from heavens above,
& often said, he taught her the real meaning of love.
She longed to be in his arms and hold onto his hand,
he was everything to her - a lover and a best friend.
He also loved that girl from the bottom of his heart,
he had a strong belief, that none can do them part.
Only obstacle he had was, he was too far from her,
maybe 530 miles, I'm unsure what the numbers were.
At times she talked to him about one of her friends,
said he's the one on whom she can always depend.
He asked her, "Oh! Well, then who am I to you???"
She replied "You've made my dreams come true.
You're the one whom I think of all day and night,
you've filled my life with the happiness and delight.
Whenever I close my eyes, It's only you that I see,
I love you more than my life, you're everything to me."
It was her best friend, the girl often talked about,
Something's going on, now the guy started to doubt.
At times, he was like a glass with anger filled upto brim,
He thought an affair was going on between her & him.
At times he thought how much she speaks is true,
he wanted her to prove when she said "I love you."
he often asked, "why don't you value what you say?"
and she always replied, "why do you feel that way?"
The distance between them had made a serious effect,
and soon, like the start, nothing was now perfect.
The girl's effort to stay with him didn't last too long,
lovely melody of her life turned into a monotonous song.
With thoughts of doubt each and every passing day,
their trust was breaking & their love was fading away.
Time went on slowly and nothing seemed to be fine,
doubts in the guy's mind kept showing their shine.
She missed him, and her nights were passing in a cry,
She sent him many letters but he didn't send any reply.
No words can explain, the pain she was going through,
She didn't know how to talk to him or what else to do.
She talked with one of his friend for asked him number,
but he wasn't interested to talk and kept ignoring her.
poor she! tried to search for him in things all around,
and at the time she needed him, he was never found.
He never showed his concern for her or ever cared.
The pain she was living in couldn't be compared.
The girl was really hurt and she commited suicide,
The news next day read, "A girl, 20, yesterday died"
In a room locked from inside, her body was found,
stained in blood next to the bed, lying upon the ground.
In her left hand, she was holding her suicide note,
upon the letter, there was the last poem she wrote:
"When you'll read this, I would not be here with you,
but this doesn't mean, that my love was never true,
Who was that guy, Honey? He was nothing to me,
and you were my life, I just wish you could see...
"I will love you for an eternity.", was your promise.
but you did not trust my love for you and I hate this.
You have now broken the promises you once made,
So I am going far away by a cut with this blade.
I loved you with all my heart and I will forever do,
but what's the purpose of living, if I'm not with you.
Maybe I wasn't your girl or you were unable to see,
that you were my life, you meant everything to me.
With one last wish, that I could once see your face,
I'm going to heavens above, in the God's embrace.
Remember, no one can love you the way I loved you,
every word of promise I said, was cent percent true.
This is my last present to you, for what you've done,
I am going to a place, from where I will never return.
As you'll read this, and I'm in the heavens up above,
maybe then you'll realize the thing called true love."
It was not supposed to end in this way, with a weep,
now she's laying in the grave, forever in deep sleep.
See, the doubts for sure, can cause a relation's death,
so don't ever let doubts take away your last breath.
- n|x - was loved at 9:07 PM
[link to post]
[0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
My Kind of Guy
My Kind of Guy (from Lari's multiply)
*i want a boy..
A nice and bad boy.
A boy who has shaggy hair and lets me play with it.
He'll tell me we're like Crey and Topanga.
He'll give me his favorite jacket.
He'll stay home with me and watch Disney Movies.
And he'll tell me he loves it even though he doesn't,
and the only person he would ever watch it with would be me.
.He'll call me at 3am and ask me what i'm doing.
He'll tell me he couldn't fall asleep because he was thinking about me, and he needed to hear my voice.
He'll text me every morning before school saying "Have a great day babe I love you!".
And he always whispers something sweet in my ear.
He'll take me to a concert to see his favorite band.
And he wont get embarrassed to tell me he loves me in front of his friends.
When I cry he'll tell me I'm too beautiful to and he'll kiss every tear.
He'll always make me feel better because he knows the perfect things to say to me.
All of his friends will know we're in love because he'll talk about me to them.
He'll stay up with me all night when im sick.
When we're walking together he'll stop and pick up a flower and put it behind my ear.
He'll love everything about me and tell me that I'm perfect.
We always end up laughing about silly fights.
We wont get mad for making fun of each other because we crack up at every bit of it.
Even if we're a million years old, butterflies will still go crazy inside of me ... Every time he kisses me.
He'll tell me he'd die without me.
He'll surprise me by bringing me over my favorite food when I'm having a bad day.
He would think I was beautiful if I dressed so crappy it was classy.
When we go out for ice cream, he'll put some on my nose then I'll put some all over his face.
And we just never stop laughing.
he wouldnt be scared to cry in front of me--
--and would hold me when i cry ..
he'll introduce me to his friends as the coolest girl he's ever met.
He'll buy me jewelry and bouncy balls from vending machines.
We would have contests of how far we could spit our gum, or how far we could jump off a swing.
He'll take walks with me in the snow, and we'll catch snowflakes on our tongues
He doesn't even like snow, but I love it.
He would grab my waist and kiss my neck.
And we'd always take pictures in photo booths.
He'll let me go places with his mom.
We would play tag and not care whos watching.
We'd kiss in the rain.
And when I hear him speak, I'll fall in love all over again.
I want a boy who can argue over stupid things with me,
and than go totally soft when I got sad and apologize.
I want someone who would lay with me outside under the stars.
Someone who will squirt me with water guns in the house
When we kissed our hips would be pressed together.
I want someone to be there no matter what ... always and forever *
Perfect.
I'll be his everything.
And he'll be even more to me .
He will love me for always*
- n|x - was loved at 11:47 AM
[link to post]
[2 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Knocks me off my feet
(I love this icon! ahaha.)
Added to my life's soundtrack!
Knocks Me Off My Feet
Donell Jones
I see us in the park strolling the summer
days of imaginings
in my head
and words from my heart told only to the wind
felt even without being said
I dont want to bore you with my troubles
but there's something about your love
that makes me weak and knocks me off my feet
knocks me off my feet
i dont wanna bore you with it
oh but i love you, i love you, i love you
i dont wanna bore you with it
oh but i love you, i love you, i love you
more and more
we lay beneath the stars under a lovers tree
that seems through the eyes of the mind
i reach out for the part of me that lives in you
that only our two hearts can find
-------------------------------------
After I took the MSA Dry Run yesterday (which I beautifully bastardized by gracefully making hula all the way coz I didnt study for the test AT ALL, i swear), I went to Festi with, who else, but my MSA buddy/classmate IC! haha.
We invited the other Zobel peeps (PY, Pedro, Amboy, Boggs, Lav) to come with us beforehand, but IC and I ended up going together anyway. Lol.
We watched Herbie: Fully Loaded coz for some reason, we both didnt want to stress our minds even further by watching The Island. But before that, we both ate Carbonara and Crepes first coz we were seriously on the verge of starving to death during that critical (dry-run) aftermath. And then, after having filled our stomachs with food, we rushed to the cinemas (since we were already 15 minutes late) and watched the movie. It was super cute to see kids watching the movie with us. They kept giggling at all the funny scenes, and I even saw some kids cover their eyes when Lindsay Lohan was about to kiss the guy there (who wasnt exactly leading man material).
Totally cute stuff! (Is that ditsy or what? hehe) Makes me wish I were a kid again. =D
-------------------------------
I met up with my Mom after that, and we shopped the night away!Its been a while since my Mom and I bonded like that. We bought all sorts of things, from a new HP Printer (yay! may printer na ulit ako sa room ko! i can repay the people I asked to print for me na. lol.) down to beauty products. Even though my head was already aching from all the strain, I was too overwhelmed with the fun I was having to even notice the twinge.I was lovin it! ;)
-------------------------------
I bought a pair of Superman earrings! Mukha syang cheapipay (Piccio's word), so I didnt bother to buy the ring anymore.
Too bad I lost the Superman pendant Marco O. gave for Christmas. =O(Im sorrry! I have no idea how it got lost! Badtrip un. =(
I want more Superman merchandise! haha.I dont even have a shirt with the Superman logo. Eow.*hint*hint* Haha.
Oh, and look at this!
I was in Shopwise when I saw two kids running around in Superman costumes! How cute is that? Hehe. Naaliw ako masyado, kaya ayan, pinicturan ko yung isa. =P
--------------------------------
I just came from Batangas with my parents.
We attended the 50th wedding anniversary celebration of my lolo and lola (distant relatives).
The reception was in this big venue.There were over a thousand visitors (and a big percentage included Senior Citizens, hehe)! I was introduced to a lot of people, and its very typical of me to NOT remember their names (done unintentionally) hehe.
Hmmm. .
Grabe, having had spent half a century with just ONE guy?
Is that cool or what?
I think its surreal.
Surreal in a ultra-beautiful kind of way.
Basta ganon. Haha.
But then, I also met some lolas of mine who ended up not marrying at all.My mom even told me that one lola of mine joined the Ms Philippines beauty pageant or something. She was really pretty daw during her younger years, yet she ended up a "matandang dalaga"=O
Waah. Yoko nun. =O
---------------------------
Omg. I saw lightning strike kanina while we were on the highway.
Kitang kita ko as it hit a billboard which was only a few meters away from us.
May sparks pa and everything after.
WAAAAH. SCARY!!
But then again, I also saw a rainbow!!!
Astig, kasi super clear yung colors.
It was raining really hard at around 4pm, and the sun was still fairly shining over the sky, so the rainbow could be clearly seen.
Astig noh?
"There's a rainbow always after the lightning!"
Hahah. Baduy. =P
Yay! No classes tom!Time to get down and dirty (thats another way of saying "hoy, magaral ka na para sa college entrance tests mo!)Hehe.I hope GMAs SONA brings about a miracle.Our country badly needs it. =O
---------------------------
[-I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding high school hard enough.-]
- n|x - was loved at 11:43 PM
[link to post]
[1 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
Friday, July 22, 2005
Dance like nobody's watching!
New layout!
My weblog (uy, new word, hehe) hasnt been this, uh, "big" in terms of width, height, frames, and all those things we're re-learning in computer class with Sir Porn(elius). The whole "dance" theme just happened to coincide with our recent "performance" in the CPA. Lol. And the text on top is precisely how I live my life now. Living as if I were in total control, and caring less about what other people think. Only the Big Guy up there can watch me dance my life away. =D
---------------------------------
Im supposed to take the Dry Run Exams in MSA again tomorrow.
Its a good thing we were scheduled to take it in the afternoon. Even though I doubt if I could even review for the test, having a few hours of leeway in the morning is something I shant take for granted.
I cant believe the UPCAT is only 2 weeks away!
My life is to be made or broken on August 6.
I have to be in QC by 6am. My gulay.
Thank God I was assigned to take the test at the College of Business Administration. I heard people say that that's the newest building in UP, and the rooms are fully airconditioned. Whoopee.
But then, aside from that brief "whoopee moment" of mine, I have tons of other things to be problematic about. The talk we had this afternoon made my knees feel even more wobblier. Having to compete with 65000 other applicants just to get one slot out of a hundred is no easy task, I know.
I just hope Ill be good enough to make my parents proud.
To make myself proud.
And to possibly connive a path that can actually lead me somewhere someday. =O
------------------------------------
It really is true what they say.
Ang buhay ay para lamang gulong.
Minsan nasa taas ka.
Minsa nasa ibaba.
There are times when youre enjoying the view from the top, with the wind in your face, and the world beneath your feet.
But then there are also times when your face is flat on the pavement, with the scorching heat burning your skin, and the freakin world behind your back.
But if theres one law in this world that doesnt need Newton's explanation, it's the fact that youll never be left stuck in that rut forever. Nor will you be enjoying the great pleasure of life perpetually. You'd eventually have to go the opposite direction in one way or another.
Another lesson I learned from my old self is that you can never do away with fear.
A speck of doubt and trepidation will always linger inside of you, no matter what you do.
But the trick of the trade is simple: act courageous, look fearless, and eventually, you will be.
Bravery is having the ability to acknowledge your fears and face them head on.
Its having to put up a straight face even if your heart is pounding like crazy.
Its having to look confident, even if youre dying inside.
Its having to have faith, even if youre only hanging by a thread.
So hey, Im not such a scaredy cat after all.
And now that Im back at the top of the wheel, Im ready to face the whole cycle all over again. . .
even if it means having to hang on to the last thing that's keeping you sane.
--------------------------------------
No classes on Monday!
Another reason to celebrate and pout at the same time.
Celebrate, coz we wont be going through the great curvature we experience everyday for 24 hours.
Pout, coz it means we have to comply with the law (aka our parents) and study for the forthcoming examination that is of great magnitude and importance to our lives.
Hehe.
----------------------------------
[-"Lundagin mo, beybeh!" - Sir Brian Giron-]
- n|x - was loved at 11:52 PM
[link to post]
[3 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~
[ So Emo ]
Some of these poems were written years ago, so pardon the excessive mawkishness.
oh and the act of plagiarizing, that is taking someone's words or ideas as if they were your own, is just wrong.
[ Unearthed ]
05.31.06
3.43am
I used to wish I could fly
The classic dream to get away from realityâ??s realm
I am but a tiny part of the sky
Just like the world I am living in
I have been introduced to heaven
Only to take an unkind fall to the ground
To rupture the spell of earthen
Onto which my essence is bound
I am on a quest to find the lost city
Where my refuge was built on rare site
I shant be taken aback by the affinity
Of the dream I foresee every night
[ Almighty ]
05.27.06
You are my mercenary
The one who lurks within the grave
The eye behind my head
For whom this cradle has been made
You are my mastermind
The creator of the ephemeral plan
The brain behind the grid
For whom I offer both my hands
You are my confidant
THe sole keeper of my wrath
The bridge of broken roads
For whom I cross thy father's path
You are my superior
The hand that holds my very fate
The truth Ill never know
For whom forever cannot wait
[ Unforeseen ]
05.09.05
I forgot all about you in record time
You seemed to have been erased from my mind
Im surprising myself
Im swollen with pride
Now without your lies
Ill be doing just fine
Guess youre not the person I presumed you to be
The most bogus of lines I always perceived
Im surprising myself
All filled with apathy
Look from afar
Foresee what youve done to me
Youre still held by those chains
Of what seemed like fatal pain
Im surprising myself
First-hand guilt had remained
Watch out young chap
Theres nothing youve gained
By far you were a dream that realized
But now with you rouge I sympathize
Im surprising myself
Ive now won the prize
To you I say goodbye
For you have met your demise
[ Stay Alive ]
05.09.05
I started down the trail
Alone and frail
With eyes at my back
I worked my way through
With every step I gasped
Knowing I wouldnt last
With shivering hands
I boldly staggered
Searched for refuge and fodder
To escape my own slaughter
Slowly I crept up the hill
A touch of life was found
I then lay on the ground
For on that very mound
With my arms wide open
I offered myself to you
I stood up on both feet
With no stain of conceit
I bowed before you
And freed my entirety
[ Mile ]
12.05.03
You cant blame me for being a dreamer
For the whole world dreams with me
Dare to think badly of my fantasy
I am living a life of imaginings
A victim of a world full of illusions
Seeing things that arent really there
Through the mist that has blinded me
I shall survive in my lair
The tongue of misunderstood feats
Tangled thoughts struggling to unravel
I have come to dig an endless hole
Gamble with life and jump
I have been ready for so long now
But no one dares
To even stop for a while
A love en route for you
Take the path and walk a mile
An unsent message creeps into my mind
I hear your voice from behind
A course full of high risks
I fall into a trance
Distractions let me be
The deafening sound of silence
An eye hidden from beneath
The sharp mouth cut through me
A spectacle of intense passion
I daze into the light
It shines through the darkness
I head for the beautiful sight
I have been raring to search for you
But I stay static
And remain euphoric
I stay here with a smile
Take the path and walk a mile
[ Here...I Wait ]
03.29.05
Here I lie again
On the bed of dreams
The desolate cradle of my core
I wait for your call
Here I bask again
On the crib of fears
The taut embrace I once felt
I wait for your plea
Here I sprawl again
On the cot of delusion
The words you spoke cut through me
I wait for your defense
Here I linger again
On the bunk of doubt
The grace of your stare so well-hidden
I wait for your declaration of guilt
Here I rest again
On the cushion of tears
The spiteful strangling of my essence
I wait for your feeble excuse
Here I wait again
On the floor of cowardice
The weakness I wrangle with
I wait for youâ?¦still
[ I Am Not ]
09.05.03
Fear is looking me in the eye
It glints with clout and authority
I succumb to its overpowering dominance
I might as well die
I fall into a trance
Into a stupor filled with uncertainty
Into a place where I am...
I am not
I want to break away from it all
Wipe out all the confusion
And go back to the real world
Where I am not
I want to evade the hurt and pain
Break away from all the sorrow
And wake up once again
To the sweet grief of life
The overwhelming anguish
The crushing agony
Its getting worse every moment
I am not
The drops of gratifying pleasure
The descent of all bliss
It has all come down to misfortune
Of what I am not
Sad are the tales recounted
Poor are the stories told
A myriad of thoughts flooding
Though I was not
Signified are all the emotions
Not felt
Not shown
Not caressed
Let it all out in the open
To where I am not
In this vast meadow of lies
We shall live our separate lives
Still I will wait and linger
For what I am not
I will try to decipher
I will believe and deem
I will hold on forever
Till I am not
I shall not let go
I shall not lose grip
I will not let you slip away
I am not
[ Gaea ]
07.16.04
Tell me when youre done
Counting the stars in the sky
Our feet firm on the ground
Anon show me how to fly
Catch the falling raindrops
And pour them onto me
Hide me from the suns rays
Still let light shine for you to see
Blow me away like the wind does
Take me to a faraway land
Dive into our secret sea
And we shall end up by the sand
Climb the highest mountain
I shall meet you at the peak
Hide away in the forest
For your being I shall seek
Dig deep into the ground
Make our own secret cave
On top of the trees you shall find
The love you shall save
Between the earth and heaven
I am yours
You are mine
Between the sea and stars
Till the very end of time
[ Passage ]
03.23.05
To the night that seemed so distant
I fled from the racing ire
With no boundaries, no margins, no chains and wires
I was constrained to meet an end
To the stars that seemed so far
I jumped down to the gorge so deep
With no one to hang on to, I fell
I tumbled deep into the sinister dark
To the clouds that seemed so elusive
I flew to the sky so broad
With no one to catch me, I faltered
I faded off into the heavens so grand
To the deep seas that seemed so endless
I wavered to go beyond the horizon
With no sign of life, I trembled
I drowned from the overwhelming tears
To the crevice that seemed so immense
I lay within to fill the hole
With no recognizable hand to help me through
I remained trapped and in me lingered hope
[ Seem ]
11.18.03
I keep climbing but I cant seem to reach the top
I keep on singing but no one hears me out
The sun keeps shining but why is it always dark?
You keep talking, true lies spill from you mouth
I take it all in, but I cant seem to taste
Dark clouds loom over you, but you still seem chaste
Im sewing them all together, but I cant make them whole
My body is visible, but I have no soul
Im a living being, but it appears that Im dead
Im still grieving over the haughty things that you said
I stand as the crow flies, but I stand in shame
I can picture your face but I canâ??t utter your name
Seeing things that are invisible to the eye
Im laughing out loud, but inside I cry
I am wide awake, but Im living in a dream
Im smiling, but surely
things arenâ??t always like they seem...
[ Sabi Mo ]
Sabi nilaâ?¦
Swerte daw akot kasama kita
Sa araw araw na kapiling ka
Parang wala nang hihilingin pa
Sabi nilaâ?¦
Para daw tayo sa isat isa
Tayoy pinagtagpo ng tadhana
Di na hahanap pa ng iba
Sabi nila...
Iba ang nakikita nila sa atin
Mga mata natiy nagniningning
Dalawang taong may pagaangkin
Sabi nilaâ?¦
Pakinggan ang bulong ng puso
Di bat nagmamahalan na kayo?
Ano pa ngayon ang hinihintay nyo?
Sabi ko namanâ?¦
Di ko maipapaliwanag pa
Kung ano itong nadarama
Tuwing kasama ko siya
Sabi koâ?¦
Twing nakatingin sa kanyang mata
Di na ko makahinga pa
Mundo koy hawak nya
Sabi koâ?¦
Matagal ko nang tinatago
Akoy matagal nang nagsusumamo
Para lamang sa iyong puso
Sabi koâ?¦
Di na kayang itago pa
Sana ngayoâ??y alam mo na
Mahal na mahal kitaâ?¦
Sabi mo namanâ?¦
Ano bang iniisip nila?
Tayoy laging magkasama
At laging masaya?
Sabi moâ?¦
Bakit ka ba laging nakatingin?
Tila may gustong sabihin
Bat di mo pa aminin?
Sabi moâ?¦
Ginugulo mo lang ang isip ko
Dibat magkaibigan tayo?
Ngayoy bakit ganito?
Sabi mo..
Dibat sinabi ko sayo
Di tayo kailanman magtatagpo..
Dahil and sabi koâ?¦
di ikaw ang mahal ko..
[ Araw-Gabi ]
Sa ilalim ng mga bituin
Nakatitig ako sa langit
Sa langit ng walang-hanggang kalaliman
Maaari kayang ikay nakatingala rin at nag-iisip
Nag-iisip sa kawalanâ?¦
Ako ang laman ng isipanâ?¦
Walang ingayâ?¦
Tahimik
Walang bosesâ?¦
Parang langit
Ikaw lang ang naririnig ko
Pangalan moâ??y sinisigaw ng puso.
Ang gabiy lumalalim
At ikaw ang kapiling
Gawin nating atin ang gabi...
Dumaan ang oras, at ang araw ay lumabas...
Lumiwanag ang langit, may ilaw, may ngitiâ?¦
Ang umagay dumating
Ang pagmamahal ay sapitin
Bagong araw ay atin...
Nagsumpaan tayong dalawa
Wala ng iba
Kundi ikaw at ako
Ang araw at ang bwan
Araw...gabi....araw at gabi...atin lamang..
[ Dazed and Confused ]
What am I to believe?
All the lies and deceit
It has all come upon me
He speaks of things I cannot grasp
What am I to believe?
Who am I to seek?
I am worthy of the truth and the real
I am forgotten by the past
Stupefied by the emotions
Infatuation lingers and reigns
What am I to believe?
So I say...
If you want to show me then do so
My eyes are free to see the light
If you want me to tell me then do so
My ears have been listening since forever
[ Deep ]
10.28.03
Suffocating gush of queries arise
As the wind blows wearily in the course of the night
Irksome jostling of shrouded emotions
The flailing hand ready to say goodbye
No right to proclaim, No right to utter
The deafening cry of the saddened heart
Such gratifying regrets I have come to reveal
Craving for love, for a touch of passion so real
The lush of contradictions and pains
Overwhelming desire for blunt happiness
The face full of beauty has come to wither
Now a smile is hopeless without life to savor
The never dying anguish I have come to accept
The living elements vigorously work against me
A promise not to live a life of regret
Locked up inside, never to be broken
Clinging to the words you sweetly spoke
Thin-skinned words which went right through me
The baffling thrust of hurt could be seen
Like a cascade of waters put on view
Reminiscing the moments we could have relished
Doors were unentered and gates grew vulnerable
A drop of tear is nowhere to be found
Nevertheless a birth of a flowing river came about
[ Drawn-Out ]
10.10.03
High-stake feeling
Rampaging over the spot
All drunken and unaware
Of the reckless pain love can cause
Staying with the feeling
Tracking the source
In the arms of waiting fondness
Brought down without a fight
Stealing a ton of tears
Getting your first break
Blinded by the flashing lights
Pushing you to your limit
The clear fog of blindness
Charging through your back
Spotting the real suspect
Of the injuries caused
Stunned and injured
Bruised heart bleeding all over
Setting you on fire
A series of heartbreaks
No place is too far
You cant hide from it
Vengeance and hatred
Looks are deceiving
Passion homicide
Outrageous outbreaks
The coast is clear for the end
Finally all worn out
[ Believe ]
05.21.04
It is beneath you to even stop deeming
take the bitter with the sweet
hold on to it, hold on tight
in a breathless effort to live
you are boom as a being
dont turn away to hide your face
bound your desires and live
you are one beauty of our time
love brewing within you
shout it out onto the world
take such steps as seem called for
crave out a life for yourself
remind me of your promise
dont be a victim of itâ??s charms
chiefly composed of cruelty
dont succumb, be strong
decisions alter circumstances
circumstances alter cases
never settle for whats not good enough
always take a step higher, aim high
seems that everything combines against you
dont fret, hold on, be strong
go command over yourself
clear your mind of doubt, move on
do not degrade yourself
no cheating, no lies
you are what you are
you shall be what you can be
just believe...
[ I Could Have ]
10.28.03
I could have been a beauty queen, if only I had the beauty
I could have been a movie star, if only I had a movie
I could have been what you were waiting for, though you werent waiting
I could have been the girl you loved, if only we werent hating
I could have cut my hair short, but I was already losing em
I could have saved you a seat, but I knew you werent comin
I could have waited for your call, but I kept the phone hanging
I could have been the love of your life, but sadly now were nothing
I could not help myself from falling for you
I couldâ??nt have avoided it coz you were falling too
I could have followed my head and said no
But Im not, I wont, my heart says so
I could have been a better person, but alas I am not
I could have been the one for you, boy, that would mean a lot
I could have made my dreams come true if only I were awake
There could have been a me and you, but everythings at stake
I could have done this and that, thats why now I do regret
I could have kept our memories, but I shall just forget
I could have looked you in the eye, but I was the one who turned away
I could have loved you with all my heart, if only you could stay
I could not go on any longer for I couldnt bear the pain
I could have cried the whole night while you were calling out her name
We could have been something you know, or is it just me?
We could have been together, if only she had set you free
I could have let go of you, but I wasnt, I was holding on
I could have released my hurt, but how could I? It was long gone
No pain could compare to the way you made me feel
I could have thought you loved me, pretending nothings real
I could have returned the favor, but I didnt want to give it back
I could have completed you, but there are things that we still lack
I could have loved you too, like the way you had loved me
It could have happened, It could still happen...
If only shell set you free
[ Impaired ]
I see you looking at her...
Her long black hair that I havent got
Her glistening eyes looking back at you
Her beguiling smile
Her beatific face
Makes me look down on myself
The ill fate that has thwarted my path
The tangible reality of my misfortune
Everything she has that I havent got
Envious of the sight
Hurting inside
I numb the ache
You see me look at you...
Your luminous smile shows your glee
Your surreal eyes filled with depth
Your enthralling splendor
I am lost in thought
I turn away
I avert my vista
I look away and hope
That you wouldnt see the tears
Why should you see me like this?
I am just a sham
Just anguish waiting to be felt
I deaden the pain
Weakened by the prejudice
Spoiled by all harm
Mitigated by false hopes
Loved yet impaired
[ Melancholy ]
9.22/28.03
Deep thoughts swim under the vast sea of notions
Jaded sentiments inhabit the jungle of fears
A solitary feeling in its dwelling place
They wasted it all
Lampooning life with sears
Ignore my tears for they fall for you
The rivers are filled
Drops of crystal blue
Misguided is my heart for all roads lead to you
Hoping that youd find your way to me too
The spectacle of fright is much to blunt to even be seen
Should have, could haves, what might have been
Countless winded paths that I dared to take
Loving you was a choice I had to make
Maybe tomorrow everythings going to change
Things will be fine
Things will be over
Please tell me they will be
Please tell me it will not last
False hopes are killing me
Its the things that I just canâ??t see
That make my life miserable
But uncertainty is a truth I just cant erase
To turn back the hands of time
Would be like you falling for me
I guess there are things in life
That really just cant be
If only you could see the beauty in me...
Id give up eternity to bring back the love that was once there
Stop whining
Stop lying
You might run out of things to say
Stop smearing that deceitful smile on your face
I know youâ??re guilty
Youâ??re the culprit of my heart
We almost had it
We were almost there
Everything just fell apart
Pain I just cant bear
My heart is filled with scars they left behind
Take those words and hurt me
Stab me straight in the mind
Ill let all the blood out
Ill let it all flow
Donâ??t worry tears wont fall
I wont let it show
Thats how your game goes
Hiding behind the silhouetted truth
Why dont you just come out in the open
And for once say things that are true
Im so tired of waiting
Im so tired of hoping
Its so hard to wait for something
That will never be coming
I may wait for eternity
I may wait till later
But I will leave my heart here
Just in case you remember
that thereâ??s still someone here
Loving you..
[ Inner-vity ]
05.21.04
My notions absorb me..
I live in abundance yet crave for more
this is abuse of the confidence youâ??ve has placed in me
there is teeming proof of my guilt
My thoughts drown me...
my behaviour does not accord with my principles
yet i continue on stepping to the fore
still i wont acknoledge myself beaten
My judgment engulfs me...
i never dare act the fool
judge me by actions not promises
no remorse do i feel for my deeds
My wisdom saturates me...
i stand in the face of adversity
i stare at it with a smile
i dare not cry, i dare not fall
My views sink within me...
i am held in great affection
yet i struggle to be free from the chains
in a state of agitation, i lie
My lies drill into me..
im in agony of shame
dont take it amiss, i do say
not an atom of truth in my face
My feelings go under me...
dont attempt impossibilities
base your hopes upon your view
dont liken yourself to me
dont...
[ to be continued... ]
[ Tag Me ]
[ Guessing Game ]
Play the guessing game! ;)
