Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Imperfections
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[ and the winds that blow remind me,of what has been, and what can never be... ]

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I went to Lipa last weekend for my cousin's 5th birthday.
Aside from the fact that I (once again) filled myself up with calories, calories, and more calories, I kind of ate up the thoughts I had back then when I was still young(er).

You see, I had this friend there with whom I used to play and share kwentos with all the time. She had a "special" brother who often teased me and called me "Ganda" (and by special, I mean "special child"). And if I remember right, I had always been amused by the fact that she had a sixth finger on her left hand. But I was never bothered by it. Nor was she.

She was only a year older than me, but she had always been taller, fairer, and skinnier. She was perfect. I always looked up to her as that 'beautiful' friend whom I was always going to admire.

She lived right across my tita's house, so whenever my family and I visit Lipa, I'd always see her by their porch and we'd chitchat till we run out of stories and laughs.

Years passed, and our friendship grew stagnant. Dead even. We had another house built somewhere else in Batangas, so I rarely got to see her. I heard that she had her 6th finger operated on (it was just skin anyway). I also heard that her brother stopped studying and had to remain inside their house.

I never got to see her again actually. But it was only this Saturday that I found out why.

My cousin, Marian, and I were supposed to buy something from this store somewhere near her house. A familiar face smiled at me, so I smiled back.

"Yan na ba si Nikki?" (to Marian)
"Opo." *smiles*
"Aba, dalaga ka na pala eh!"
"Hehe. Kamusta na po kayo Tita?"
"Okay naman. Kelan pa kayo dyan?"
"Today lang po, bumisita lang po kina Marian."
"Aaah. O sya, sige. Ingat kayo!"

And just as I was about to leave, I heard Tita say, "O, ayun si Nikki oh. Dalagang dalaga na."

"...talaga po?"

It was my friend.

Marian then tugged me and said, "kilala mo pa ba si Ate _________?"
"Oo naman, sya yung nagsalita diba? Buti nga kilala pa ako ng Mom nya eh."
"Yup."
"Gusto mo puntahan natin later?"
"Uh..."
"Bakit? Hindi ba pwede?"
"Um, kasi Ate...kasi dati pa diba may pumupuntang lalaki sa house nila?"
"Oh? Di ko alam yun eh."
"Um, kasi...may anak na sya eh. 8 months na."

Wuah.

"Did she get married?"
"Nope."
"Is she still studying?"
"Di rin."
"Kasama nya pa yung lalaki?"
"Pumupunta dyan minsan."

Wuah.

The girl I once played Barbies and Jackstones with now had a heavier responsibility to carry. I guess we'll never be able to patch up the holes of our friendship, but she will always be part of my young past. As perfect as everything seemed for her years ago, I now learned that in this life, imperfection is what defines us as human beings. Nothing can be perfect. No one is.

I may never be able to hear her side of the story, but I just wish she stays strong...for herself, and for the new life she has brought into this world.

---------------------

When you feel like giving up on someone.. remember why you held on for so long.

I need this, just one kiss,
A gentle touch, your sweet caress.
My heart would break my ribs if I hold this in
I must confess
I hate myself for needing this
I love our twisted little mess
I know its wrong but it just feels right
The taste of tears is bittersweet tonight
- Cauterize

Have you ever really thought about it? You've got this girl, head over heels in love with you. She'd do anything for you; she'd die for you. But for some reason, you don't want to see that. You know it's there, and you know that you feel the same way. But you refuse to let it be. Maybe you're scared. Maybe you're scared of the thought that this girl who you've known forever - you've seen her happy, you've seen sad -- maybe this girl is perfect for you. And that really scares you, doesn't it?
- n|x - was loved at 1:40 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


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