Sunday, December 18, 2005


give love
That love is a verb.
That life is a journey.
And no, were not there yet.

Prior to that moment, I was not exactly loving the evening I was unable to attend my batch's big party. I had the cool ID. I had the white top on. I had the whole dancing vibe in me ready to burst out. But no, my paternal guardian just had to say NO to me again. Again.

It didnt hit me right away, but as soon as it did, my heart sank. I didnt understand why my personal appeal to have my own way failed me again. I guess I was at fault too. But not entirely. It just isnt, I thought.

Good thing heaven sent me good friends who managed to lift my spirits. These were people who I knew mattered. As simple as their gestures were, they pushed me to take the bitter pill in, and gulp the sweet antidote with it.

Company wasnt hard to find either, since I found a third of our formation in Town, and got to overcome our rages together. She was the only person who got to convince me to try what I swore not to do ever again. A little more and I wouldve given in, but my conscience got the best of me, and I saved myself from it. Thank goodness. And thank her for having been there for me the same way I was for her. (Ditchers are jerks. And jerks arent worthy of your liking. Ayt? :P)

My Dad then picked me and my brother up at past 7. Traffic was real bad, and it wasnt until after an hour that I realized we werent heading to the hospital anymore. Turned out my Lolo had already returned to Lipa, and that we were going to Roxas Blvd to pick my Mom up.

Great.
I curled up at the car seat, feeling like a complete loser, with the rain pouring exactly the way I wanted them to.

I then resorted to comforting myself with the replies of my friends and a bag of Holly Kettle Corn. I fell asleep eventually. I thought that was the end of the night for me, but little did I know that I was in for more.

I woke up to the noise of cars honking like crazy. The rain and the Christmas fever didnt help the congested Manila streets, and boy was my patience running out during that minute. But somehow, we managed to finally arrive at the mall and meet with my Mom.

My body was already aching bad. My joints were sore and my hands were literally shaking already. I was cold too, so you could just imagine how badtrip I must have been.

Surprisngly, I got to cope with all the negative vibes by some means.
My Mom noticed how shaky I was, and constantly grabbed my hand so we could walk together while we picked the items we chose to give as gifts for our relatives.
My Dad and brother were being silly together, and my Mom and I laughed at how weird they both were.
The chocolate I had with me also helped (endorphins, baby).
And shopping really is a girl's best friend.

After a few hours of picking this and that, we finally had all the gifts wrapped and headed to the parking lot. My brother went back for the other cart, and I stayed near the mall entrance/exit.
I was already feeling better then. The disappointment that I had been carrying all night was still there, but it was only after I stepped out the glass doors that I realized why I still had a reason to smile.

With shopping bags and wrapped gifts at hand, I headed to the trunk of the car as it pulled over at the side. But then, I felt someone tug at my top.

" Ate, pahingi naman ng pamasko... "

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A young girl with distinctly round eyes, and dark hair had her palm held out to me. An elderly woman followed behind her. Her hair was wet, and I could see they were both cold.

" Miss, pahingi naman ng kahit konting pera...parang awa nyo na po..."

I walked on and tried to look down. For some reason, I acted withdrawn and inhibited.
I felt uncomfortable seeing our car's trunk literally filled with grocery bags and nicely-wrapped presents while these two souls were hungrily asking me for help. I found it harder to swallow, and the pity I felt for the girl and the woman made my heart thaw out.

I then opened the back door, reached for one of my bags and looked for whatever food they had left in it. My parents have always disapproved of giving money to vagabonds, and so I have always tried to give crackers, bread, or even just candy to those poor street children.

I got a small box of candies and a bar of chocolate out. I didnt think it was enough, but it was all I had left to give then.

I went back to the glass door and the little girl rushed to me.

"Sorry kung eto lang mabibigay ko ha."
The girl smiled shyly.
A glimpse of heaven.

"Sana po kahit pambili lang ng gamot..."
The woman showed me her medicine, and I was flushed with shame.
"Wala na po akong pera eh..sorry po talaga."
"Sige, okay lang. Maraming salamat, iha."
I smiled.
"Salamat ate!"
"Sige, Merry Christmas sa inyo."
"Kaawaan po kayo ng Panginoon."
"Kayo din po."

And that was it. I went back inside to meet my brother, but as I walked away, I saw how they were looking at my shyly with timid grins on their faces. I saw how the girl's face lighted up. Mine did too.

After carrying a few other bags to the car for the second time, I passed by the little girl again. She sat at the edge of the marble step, and as I walked past her, she gave me the most innocent smile I have ever seen. Angelic, even.

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The old woman, who was leaning by the yellow sign, nodded her head and waved me goodbye as I stepped inside the car.

I felt lighter after that. I felt content, finally.

Later, I had dinner with my family and that topped it off for me. I find pleasure and delight in the simplest things, and God knows how much I loved the people I were with.

As we were heading back home, I couldnt help but close my eyes, clasp my hands and say a little prayer - for my Lolo, for my friends, for the people at Glow, for my whole family, and for the two strangers God sent me earlier that night.

I no longer felt the deprivation I was feeling beforehand. My thoughts were put back into perspective and I realized how blessed I really was and how much I still had left to offer.

A part of me saw how the littlest things can bring momentary joy to the people who need it. And another part pushed me to aspire for bigger things. Things I can still do, and things that I will do in the future.

I might not have ended my night with a party that could have been just as fulfilling.
But that simple occurence changed me, because it was then that I knew the real meaning of Christmas.

Hope you can all to.
Spread the love guys. :)

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- n|x - was loved at 2:52 AM
[link to post] [2 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


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