[I know I should be studying for our finals, but what the heck, I’m on a 15-minute break, so here I am typing about nonsense stuff. Enjoy!]

Have you read a good local tabloid lately? If your answer to this is “yes”, then chances are, your occupation is related to being a driver, a busboy, a security guard, a pedophile, a sidewalk vendor, a feeling socialite, a pervert, or a chismosang tindera. I don’t mean to be rude here, but here in our country, tabloids are precisely what they are. Look it up in the theasarus and you’ll see that the word “tabloid” is synonymous to sensationalist, shocking, lurid, and scandalous. Think overly-exposed bodies of sexy stars and dim tabloid articles are bad enough? Read on and see how these so-called literature tries to capture people’s attention.

“Aktres, Maitim ang Kuyukot!”
“Sinaksak Dahil sa Tinidor”
“Nene, pinilahan ng limang tambay!”
”Security guard, ginawang pulutan!”
“Bading, dinedo sa parlor”
”Apo, ikinama ni lolo”
”240, dedbol sa dengue”
”Manananggal, lumapa ng bata”
“Super Lindol, darating na”
”Madre, ni-rape ng addict”
“Tomboy, nangrape ng bading!”
”Textmeyts, nagtagpo sa Luneta”
“Rizal, patay na!”
“Lumpo, tumalon mula sa gusali”
”Ale, umakyat sa billboard”
“Sawa, natagpuan sa senado!”
”Sanggol, iniluwal, patay!”
”Jolens, wala nang bangs!”
“Madam Auring, nakunan!”
”Mystica, nakipagsplit sa jowa”
”Mahal, tumangkad nga kaya?”
”Baboy, nirape ni totoy”
“Baka, 2 ang naging ulo!”
“Lola, nalagutan ng hininga, patay!”
”Sunog sa Sucat, nag-iinit!”
”Aso, pinagtripan ng mga tambay”
“Kuya, nagnakaw ng deodorant!”
”Snatcher, ninakawan ng cellphone!”
“Hindu, kinidnap ng Hapon”
“Aktor, nakipagrelasyon sa bading”
”Pulitiko, matinik sa tsiks!”

Laughed your ass off? Want to add more headlines? Post a comment. :D