Saturday, December 11, 2004


me...only better.
A friend of mine was reading my blogs and according to him, he found them inspiring, and I was glad to hear that. But then he told me, “bakit parang puro ang sad?” I stared at my monitor for a good 4.08 seconds then that was when it hit me... oo nga noh…para namang ang lungkot ko nito. Kahit parang ang lalalim nga nung ibang pinagsusulat ko, it doesn’t mean that I’m always deep and serious as what my blogs may render. Whenever I write, my brain goes berserk and I just tend to write about anything and everything. But I do hold back, of course, because I can’t exactly write everything here coz then, if I do that, other people involved may make sense of what I feel.

Though I seem “sad” or “serious”, I’m the complete opposite of the first, and partly acceptable with the second. I’m the type of person with whom you can afford to be dumb with. Kahit yung mga pinakabaduy na jokes tatawanan ko kahit lahat ng tao nakatingin na lang sakin with their eyebrows raised. I can talk about all sorts of stuff. From annoying commercial jingles to the reason behind the chalkboard's greeness. I don't always talk about love and mush and life...coz if that's the Nikki you've all come to know, then you probably think of me as the most pathetic person ever. (or do you...? lol..) I am not as pathetic as I may seem...believe me. You can say that I am even mababaw. Kahit konting maganda lang na makita ko sa isang bagay, may ngiti ka nang makikita sakin...yun nga lang, minsan tinatago ko pa rin. I also tend to always see the brighter side of things (I think). I’m the type who’d rather see the good side of a person rather than hate him or criticize him for his faults. Coz what's the use, right? We all have flaws...and after all, no human being is perfect. But then, my friends have always told me stuff like, "you're being too nice..." or "don't just trust people too much, coz you might end up getting hurt yourself.." ( and true enough, sometimes, my being too optimistic in people puts me in a situation wherein that person takes advantage of me already…anyway…) Whenever it comes to relating with people, I always tend to put the other person in the spotlight and let him reveal himself first rather than let myself be familiar to him. I AM shy…really. Kaya nga lagi ko na lang inuuna yung ibang tao kaysa sakin. And you know know? That was bad for me...coz too much "kindness" can be harsh too.

Let me talk about my shyness though. I have always been at a loss for words whenever a new friend is introduced to me or something like that. But thanks to the things I’ve been through this year, and to a lot of people who have helped me (like c96 fo sho! And my barkada..:D), I have come to realize that my timidity’s gonna get me nowhere. There’s nothing wrong with saying hi to a friend, or talking to a person out of nowhere just to check up on him or her…stuff like that. I used to be scared of doing those things coz I thought, pano kung isipin nya, feeler ako? Mamaya, magmukha naman akong malabo o ewan kung gawin ko yun...Thoughts like that have always bothered me, and so I end up not doing anything. As a result, I always, always, always end up regretting as well…and that wasn’t doing me good any either. Knowing I could have done this or that made me feel much worse...much much worse. But now, things have definitely changed. A little boost of confidence has helped me become a better me. What's the point of letting your notions stop you from doing things you're supposed to do, right? Getting all jittery and shy isn't going to help me at all, and that's why I have decided to turn over a new leaf. Not only have I overcome my shyness, I too have formulated a better formula for my life. I can't always give, give, and give. If give the whole of me to other people, then there would be nothing left of me to even cherish myself. These things that I have learned helped me become a better-er person and... I am definitely happier now (contrary to what other people may think) and better than ever.I am not always sad or serious or malalim or mushy. My friends who know me well enough do know that, yes, I can be serious person…but I can be the most blissful and mababaw person in the face of this planet too. I am happy with what I have become now too. And I owe it all to God, to life itself…and to the people who have amazingly played a big role in mine.:)

PS - If you agree that I am a better me...please post a comment. (sorta like an extra confidence booster for me...lol) tnx! :)

- n|x - was loved at 10:59 AM
[link to post] [1 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


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