Wednesday, December 08, 2004


I Could Have...
I Could Have
10.28.03

I could have been a beauty queen, if only I had the beauty
I could have been a movie star, if only I had a movie
I could have been what you were waiting for, though you weren’t waiting
I could have been the girl you loved, if only we weren’t hating

I could have cut my hair short, but I was already losing ‘em
I could have saved you a seat, but I knew you weren’t comin’
I could have waited for your call, but I kept the phone hanging
I could have been the love of your life, but sadly now we’re nothing

I could not help myself from falling for you
I could’nt have avoided it coz you were falling too
I could have followed my head and said no
But I’m not, I won’t, my heart says so

I could have been a better person, but alas I am not
I could have been the one for you, boy, that would mean a lot
I could have made my dreams come true if only I were awake
There could have been a ‘me and you’, but everything’s at stake

I could have done this and that, that’s why now I do regret
I could have kept our memories, but I shall just forget
I could have looked you in the eye, but I was the one who turned away
I could have loved you with all my heart, if only you could stay

I could not go on any longer for I couldn’t bear the pain
I could have cried the whole night while you were calling out her name
We could have been something you know, or is it just me?
We could have been together, if only she had set you free

I could have let go of you, but I wasnt, I was holding on
I could have released my hurt, but how could I? It was long gone
No pain could compare to the way you made me feel
I could have thought you loved me, pretending nothing’s real

I could have returned the favor, but I didn’t want to give it back
I could have completed you, but there are things that we still lack
I could have loved you too, like the way you had loved me
It could have happened, It could still happen...
If only she’ll set you free

I wrote this poem some time ago. It even got published in Counterpoint. I was actually flattered when someone posted it on her website and commented that it’s “a nice poem” or something like that. Maybe it was because she was able to relate to it. And during the time I made that poem, I too was able to relate…really well.

But now, things are different. Things seemes to have turned a full 180 degrees…making things the other way around. I can still associate myself with it…but this time it’s from another point of view. What if someone else is waiting for someone else to let you go? What if someoneelse1 isn’t doing anything wrong but then someoneelse2 is hurting as he sees you two together? What if you want to tell someoneelse2 that it’s with him that you want to be with…but you couldn’t do anything, coz you love someoneelse1 just as much…but not to the degree as that of someoneelse2? What if having to go for someoneelse2 means having to let go of someoneelse1, a person whom you’ve come to love as a friend because of the things you’ve been through? What if letting go of someoneelse1 means having to let go of someone who has done you no wrong, yet at the same time, he is doing something wrong…coz things just don’t seem to go the way they should be?

These questions may sound stupid, I know. But they just got me thinking. I mean, a friend of mine (I’m serious…) is going through it, and, well…I couldn’t find the right words to help her with her problem, coz in fact, I had no answers. It was hard having to listen to her cries and not being able to do anything.

Could anyone out there help her get out from the rut that she’s in? Got any answers to those questions? Help?:o


- n|x - was loved at 9:34 AM
[link to post] [0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


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