I could imagine my eardrums beating like crazy last night as I heard all the “bangs” and “booms” as we all welcomed year 2005. Though tragedies and unexpected episodes plagued our world’s history, no one can ever stop this new year from coming. We all know that we’ve got tons of things to pray for. We always have. But as of this very moment, millions of people are suffering, countless individuals are in pain and many communities are crying out for help. As sad as these may all seem, I know that these will all pass. I don’t know how, or why, but I know that day will come wherein all the darkness will be outdone by goodness. All the drama I’m pouring out here is just one of the many consequences that those tragedies have caused me. I may not have been directly hit by gargantuan tsunamis, our house may not have been swept away by violent floods, I may not experience horrendous hunger…but I am affected. And as I begin my existence this year, I promise myself that I will not take anything for granted. I need not expound, but that would more or less sum up what I’ve sworn to myself for year 2005. Ü

On a lighter note, let me share my New Year’s Resolutions!

I know we don’t need to see “January 1” on our calendars just to be able to set goals and try to achieve change, but I guess the shift from one year to another denotes man’s desire to turn over a new leaf as well.

(in no particular order :D)

1. Be BAD.

By bad I don’t mean B-A-D. I guess I just want to be “bolder” and steer away from cowering behind my fears. I may not have been born to stand out all the time, but being different would have to be one of the many things I want to be. Whether it be about my studying or my non-existent lovelife, I want things to be unique and let them just be my “own” with my name stamped on every event in my life. Enough of the regrets. Enough of the holding-back. I have missed a lot because I was too afraid of this and that. I was too afraid that things may go wrong, or that things may not go my way. But what’s the use of living if you don’t dare to follow your heart and take risks, right?

2. Be COOL.

No, this doesn’t mean I’ll go on trying the newest clothes or attend every party there is. I can be “cool” by just being myself, so I don’t have to worry about that. By being cool, I mean being calm. I’m your typical panic-er who worries about all sorts of things incessantly. I toss and turn in bed and even shout at times just to let all the tension out. I don’t easily succumb to pressure, but sometimes, when it’s just too much already, I lose all my energy and shut down. That’s why this year, I want to be as “cool” as possible and take things one at a time. I read somewhere that “being calm is what makes or breaks most people”, and I am living proof of that. So if ever you hear me ranting or panicking again, do me a favor and tap my shoulder then with a smile, say these words to me: “Be cool.”

3. Be ACTIVE.

“Am I fat?” This question has haunted guys and girls alike for centuries. I know I’m not exactly fat FAT, but I’m not thin either. Well, I don’t want to be thin THIN, I just want to be FIT. Yea, I guess that’s it, fit (synonym for “sexy” nyahaha). So this year, I’ve decided to minimize my carbs intake(?). Less rice for me! If possible, I’ll even scratch out rice in my diet. I’ll splurge on fruits instead. ;) Oh, and I have to exercise too! Being a non-athlete is bad enough, but being a fat-assed-flabs-filled-bum? I’d have to think of ways to burn my calories. Badminton maybe, or more dancing. Hehe. Walking on the treadmill everyday would help a lot too, so I guess those would be some of the things I’d try to carry out throughout the year.

4. Be HAPPIER.

People always seem to think that I’m the opposite of “happy”. It’s either they think I am the reincarnation of “Maria Clara”, the stereotypical-honor-sec-snob, or Little Miss Shy & Desperate. It sucks actually. Haha. A friend once told me that I’m the type who laughs like there’s no tomorrow now, then later on I’d seem like the loneliest person in the world. But if you really really know me, you’d know that I just have this tendency to shut my mouth if I’m not needed and just speak or do whatever when I am looked-for. I’d rather stay in the background and just be on the spotlight when necessary. This year I guess I want to show off more of my happy side. I’ve always been happy, but this time, I’d be “showy” of my feelings. That’s one problem of mine too. I really really really have a hard time expressing myself. That’s why I turn to my pen & paper as my last resort. But hey, there’s always room for change, and this year 2005, I’m gonna make this one BIG.

5. Be WISER.

2004 has been one hell of a year for me. I went through a lot of things that I used to only wonder about. I mourned, laughed, rejoiced, bursted in anger, felt pain, felt love…and the list goes on. I went through a lot of “firsts” too, and from all of the things I went through, I learned a great deal of life-lessons. Stupidity due to certain factors in life clouds the mind at times…or even most of the time, but I’ll be 17 in 3 months, so I think it really is about time to put my brain to use.

I know they’re vague and all but those are some the BIG things I want to be this year. Here’s my minor list of resolutions:

* SLEEP!!! I’m an insomniac so I really do have trouble sleeping. But I don’t want to make things even worse by wasting precious hours that are supposed to be spent on the rejuvenation of my abused body. I’ve been praying for a few inches to be added to my height, and “making puyat” wouldn’t be of any help, so this year, I’ve sworn to try sleep earlier and longer every night. (But I guess January 1 would have to be an exception, coz I actually didn’t sleep last night! Hahaha. I stayed up till past 5:30 am and I even waited for the sun to rise. It was actually cool to have witnessed the first sunrise of the year. I guess it somewhat indicates the start of greater things for me. ;)

* TEXT-FRENZY Ö Last Christmas, I was able to use up P300 of my prepad credits in 2 days. No calls. Just texts. Talk about waste of money. I don’t initiate the text-conversations though, I only reply to the people who text me. But then there are times when I get into text-conversations with like 8 people at the same time, and these go on till the wee hours of the morning, so by the time I wake up the next day, I realize that I ‘ve got to have my fone reloaded again. And this isn’t helping my wallet at all, since I pay for my own credits. Hehe. So this would have to be included in my list. Lessen my texting by uh, I don’t know exactly how, but I’ll find a way. :D

* STUDY! I must have been influenced by some of my “Tropak” friends (I don’t know how we got that name…I don’t even know if that’s what we’re really supposed to be called..imbento lang siguro..haha), coz I don’t study anymore!Ö This is bad…really bad for me. If I want to maintain my grades and if I really want to graduate as part of the Top 10 students of our batch, I’d have to study, study, study…when needed. Hehe. :D

* GIMIK! I am a total loser, I know. I don’t go out as much as other teens like me do. It’s in the genes I guess, coz my whole family’s not into trips and malls and stuff like that. But I don’t want to be locked up in my room forever! I dont want anyone to hesitate to ask me go out for a gimik or anything, coz as long as friends initiate it, I’d be game enough…It’ll all depend on my Dad though, coz he’s the only one who could give me a ride. Lol. But I really would like to spend more time with my friends…and spend more time living in the “outside world” :D

* PHONE-PHOBIA.Ö This is what makes me an even bigger loser. I don’t answer phone calls!Ö I rarely do coz I don’t know…for some reason, I just hesitate to answer them. I’d rather chat on YM or text someone rather than talk to him or her on the phone. But I’d have to admit that it really is sometimes more fun and more “personal” if you do talk on the phone, so I guess I wouldn’t have to let people ambush me on the phone by calling me without permission anymore. Hehe. Oh, I think last night would be the first round of my fight with my PHONE-PHOBIA. I got to answer a few calls last night! Woohoo! Someone was even calling me persistently last night, and I really hesitated to answer his call. But then he texted me and told me that he was in pain…coz guess what? Naputukan sya! Lol. So I had no choice but to answer his call and talk to him on the phone. I guess that served as “wake-up call” (pun not intended, hehe). :D

Hmm..I guess that’s pretty much everything. I may have forgotten a few other stuff, but I think I’ve bored you enough already. Hehe.

I hope I get to really pursue my resolutions…wish me luck! :D Happy New Year everyone!