Wednesday, May 04, 2005


Freakin' Forecast
Today's Forecast
You've never been known to hold back your feelings -- or anything else, for that matter -- and at the moment, that trait will be particularly visible to one and all. If you've been admiring someone from afar, why not close the distance?

The Bottom Line
Improve your karma by helping out a friend -- or a total stranger.

That was my Friendster Horoscope.
I didnt even know that Friendster featured horoscopes until my friend pointed it out.
In some freakin' twisted way, whenever I turn to the comics page of the newspapers or read daily horoscopes from the net, they're more often than not applicable to me.
I know that isn't much of a marvel coz the chances of these things to be true are more than likely, but it just amazes me how such speculations actually hit me hard...real hard.

[You've never been known to hold back your feelings -- or anything else, for that matter]
Bull. I've always been the type who'd rather shut my mouth than let out my rage, who'd rather observe from afar than join the melee, who'd rather hold back my feelings than stand susceptible to hurt. But then, there are those times when I do end up putting myself at risk by shedding my skin. There are still those certain moments when really cant hold it in any longer and wind up making a mess of everything.

[If you've been admiring someone from afar, why not close the distance?]
Oh, puh-leez.

[Improve your karma by helping out a friend -- or a total stranger. ]
That's exactly what Im doing.
I am helping out a friend...a friend who's been with me all my life yet still seems like a total stranger to me. I am helping her out by putting herself back together. She's been through a lot, and I think it's time for her to welcome change and not be afraid of it. She has finally found the resurgence she's been waiting for, and that has finally altered her whole self for the better. And Im proud of her.

That total stranger is me.

Last part of the horoscope:
[In Detail
Better keep a box of tissues handy, because you're about to become unusually sentimental. Nostalgic, even. And maybe in the mood to reminisce. No, that's not at all like you, but that won't matter. Whatever you're feeling at the moment will emerge, regardless of whether you're comfortable with letting others see it. So if you've been trying to hide your feelings for a certain someone, you should probably just forget about that. Why disappoint yourself?]

Demn. I couldnt have said it better myself.

------------------------------

A lot of things have changed since the last 24 hours came to pass.
I've finally done what I've been meaning to do for a long time.
I never really expected it to actually happen, but at least I was right about one thing- it was freakin' hard.
I probably told him a lot of things which seemed like crap for a while, but what made it suck even more was the fact that the truth hurt.
Maybe I shouldve went straight to the point...maybe I should have bluntly uttered the conclusion...maybe I should have lied...maybe I should have used my head.
But it the moment was just too overwhelming to even think about those options.
He asked me for an honest answer, and that was exactly what I did.
Knowing me, I probably confused him with all the explanations and shit.
I hesitated and showed reluctance, possibly because I really didnt want to reach the "final answer" part.
But I didn't want to prolong the already-distressing night, so I finally told him everything.

You're probably reading this right now (or maybe not).
I hope you're not mad. I do hope you understand. I hope you're okay.
I really dont know what else to say...
I guess I just want to thank you...for everything.
I wont forget that day either.

And I'm sorry.

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- n|x - was loved at 10:17 PM
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~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


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