Wednesday, May 09, 2007


Swallowing it whole
Im not one who takes criticisms well. Ive lived my entire life trying to please the people around me, because I grew up that way. But whenever I fail to do so, my self-esteem is crushed.

I know Im not the best writer in the world. In fact, I think I suck at it.
My essays are way too full of clutter.
My sentences are vague.
My words are either too elementary or too deep.
My ideas are far from being direct to the point.
To me, everything just seems wrong - nothing close to how I want them to be.
And I struggle every time I try to get a message across.
Because I grew up that way.

It even makes me wonder why some people even think of me as a "writer".

This isnt false humility or whatever. It isnt something Im proud of, instead, its something Im daring to really work on because I do want to be a better writer and live up to other people's expectations.

More than that, I know that my life is not as exciting, action-packed, or drama-filled as some other people's lives are. I dont have life-changing entries to share, scandalous pics to post, or inspiring blogs to show to the entire world.

Even I cringe whenever I read my past entries. Some I find okay, the rest I find either funny or embarassing. I dont edit or re-read whatever I type because I just let all the thoughts out and click on "Publish." If those were the things I was thinking during that certain time, then I let it be. That's what online journals are for anyway, arent they?

But if people dont like what they read here, or if you dont like the person who writes them, then just dont visit the blog. Its as simple as that.

Yes, I may be being defensive. And yes, I know it's a very petty thing to react to.
Like I said, I dont take criticisms, much more haters, well.
But if writing about it is what it takes to swallow that comment whole, then take this as my goddamned reply.

And by the way, Im back, whether you like it or not.
- n|x - was loved at 11:59 PM
[link to post] [0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


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