Tuesday, June 21, 2005


moving on.
This was my entry last April 18.

It's amazing how you can feel two contrasting emotions at the same time. It probably can be compared to those feelings you get whenever you eat a slice of chocolate cake. You indulge in the luscious taste of every bit of the cake, but with every bite, you feel this awful guilt...coz you know it aint good for you.


When someone told me, "Be careful what you wish for...you just might actually get it," I should've listened. What freakin' sucks more, it that fact that that "someone" was...me.

No one believes in it...and I dont blame them for being non-believers.It's pretty understandable why they doubt something this...deviant...weird...complicated.
Even I still dont get why this is all happening. Why the hell would things suddenly go my way?At this rate, it seems like my fairy godmother is on a roll. Her magical wand must be exhausted from granting all my wishes. Some were even magically granted...without me wishing for them.If I were Cinderella, I'd be gloriously dancing around with my glass slippers, celebrating. But the problem is this...

"Alam mo ang problema mo kung ano?"
"...ano?"
"Takot kang maging masaya..."

That hit me hard. Real hard.
Coz he was probably right.

Some people enjoy being at the top. They enjoy the view and relish every moment while the wind kisses their faces.
Other people opt to close their eyes, with their hearts pounding like crazy, as overwhelming fear swallows them whole. They say when you're at the top, you've got nowhere else to go but down.I'm not saying that I'm already at the TOP TOP TOP...but like what a friend of mine shared with me before...

"Alam mo yun, yung parang...lahat na lang ng bagay sa buhay mo nagiging tama...Puro na lang maganda nangyayari sayo..."
"...di ba dapat masaya ka nga?"
"Di ko nga alam eh...Natatakot kasi ako. Coz after all those great things that happened to me...you just know something bad is bound to happen..."

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Well...I was right. =O

(And it wasnt just about that. One by one, they piled up until I reached the ledge and almost fell. Waah.)

---------------------------------

Ive had a couple of nightmares, endless heartpounding moments, a number of im-on-the-verge-of-crying scenarios

BUT...

things are getting better (I hope)
Im coping
Im learning
Im thankful
Im appreciative
Im better
Im bolder
Im braver (kind of)
Im wiser
Im sorry
Im relieved
Im hoping
and still praying. :)

-----------------------------------

"I place my life in the hands of God." - Jaime Cardinal Sin
Lets pray for the soul of our dear Cardinal.
I got to meet him and make "mano" once, and from that experience, my life was definitely touched.
We've gained another guardian guys. :)

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Pangako
by Side A

Ngayon, tulad ng kahapon
Unti-unting lumilipas ang panahon
Bakit, tanong sa aking isip
Hanggang kailan ang pagtitiis

Ika'y nalayo
Lumayo na wala sa piling ko
Ngunit...

'Di magbabago ang aking puso
Hanggang ngayon, bukas, ito ay pangako
Pag-ibig ko sa 'yo'y walang hanggang

Noon kaysaya natin
Ikot ng mundo'y hindi napapansin
Bakit kailangan pang mangyari
Damdamin ko sa 'yo'y nilimot mo

Maghihintay sa 'yong pagbabalik
Bukas ang aking puso
Ang nakaraa'y nilimot ko na
(Ngayon, tulad ng kahapon)
Pag-ibig ko sa 'yo'y walang hanggang
(Ito ay pangako)

Note: Though its such a nice love song, this isnt, in any way, related to my sentiments at present. I just loved the version I heard on tv the second I absorbed the lyrics and melody.

Oh, and by the way, I have vowed to never again write about anything TOO personal, TOO vague, or TOO uh, scandalous. (I might be eating my words in a few days, weeks, or months, but hey, at least Im gravely trying.) :D

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Hmm.
Maybe I should think of writing a "disclaimer" on this thing.
Hmm.

Its such a privelege and a burden to be given this tool to "think out loud."
Hehe.
Id have to stop calling this my "blog" and start calling it an "online journal"

Repeat after me...

Onn...line...jour...nal.

Wala lang.
For a change. A big one, at that. :)
-----------------------------------------

Kwento lang:)

My cousins (Ate Joy, Baby, Jessa, Kuya Larry, Jayson, Janno) and I were passing by this big house with really big dogs by the gate a few years back. "Magkapit-bisig" yung girls, and the boys were all acting like our bodyguards since we were all scared of the big, black, growling, dogs.

Kuya Larry, being the natural joker that he was, started chanting a phrase that Id never ever forget...

"Love...and Peace. Love...and Peace. Love...and Peace."
(Imagine that on a 3/4 scale. Haha)

"Love..." (Put your hands together to form a heart and position it near your chest)
"...and Peace." (Make the peace sign with your right hand and smile)

He said that this "chant" was supposed to make the dogs realize that youre their friend, and that you wish for love and peace to reign in the world. Lol.

True enough, we got through the big dogs unscathed.
And ever since then, Ive performed that chant whenever I was faced with enormous, bigger-than-life, hungry, dawgs. =P

LOVE AND PEACE.

Try it. It worked for me. :)
Hehe.
- n|x - was loved at 9:12 PM
[link to post] [0 smiles for me :)]
~I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages of your diary.~


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